This will be the first in a series exploring the few doctrines that the WTS "got right" starting with Russell and the Holy Trinity.
THE HOLY TRINITY WHOLLY FALSE!
by J.W. Walsh, staff writer for the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society
'BAM BAM BAM!" thats the sound of the men workin' on the chain, ga-ah-ang...wait...wrong decade. Okay. Here I am. I think. Therefore I am. I think.
"The word "Trinity" is not to be found in Holy Writ. Nobody writ that s*** in Holy Writ, twit.
Now that I've set the Intellectual Tone of this article, lettuce prey. "Deer Jojoba Gob, we cum beef ore ewe 2 prey Ann sikh yore whiz dumb. Whee no whee bee know buddy. In Cheese Us Name, A men." At ease Jonadabs, take your seats! That means SIT YOUR A** DOWN RECRUIT! That's better. Once, when I was young and inexperienced as all of you are today, I asked, "Who do I have to **** to get our of this chicken-**** outfit?" Well, the answer came quickly, and he was embarassed and aplogetic and explained that doesn't usually happen, but that's beside the point. What is the point? Hm. I'd glad you asked that question. Buy savings bonds...no...buckle up for safety buckle up...no... and cover? Nope. Only you can prevent forest fires...close, but no
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No, we're here today to discuss the Holy Trinity for Christ's sake! 
No, those aren't The Three Wise Guys you dumkoph! That's the Wholly of Whollies man, the Big Cheese X 3, the Triple Decker.
Once upon a time, there was only JoJoba Gob, see. Gob existed forever, time without beginning. FOR ETERNITY PAST JoJoba did nothing but sit and admire himself and think, "I am so totally kewl n stuff." Then when Eternity Past was over with, and Eternity Present and Eternity Future were yawning before Gob like a Jay Dub at a DC, Gob said "Let there be Wacko Jacko" and it was so. And Gob saw Whacko Jacko and said " **** this s***!" and started over. "Let there be a Word coming forth from Me, my all-holiness and humbleness-ness.' And yadda yadda yadda. You know the drill. SHUT UP or you'll spend the night in the stockade!
Bee awl that ewe can bee
inn the arrrrr arrrr arr mee
Then, when Gob had enough of that dumb shiite, he said "I wonder what I look like" so he made a mirror. Being invisible, Gob saw nothing, and said "Me thinketh this stinketh" and so he had a baloney sandwhich With mustard!
Wait! I'm confused! Am I defending the Holy Trinity or taking a Holy S***t on it?
Okay...got it. THE WHOLLY TRINITY IS KNOT IN THIS BOOK. NEITHER IS THE NUCLEAR FINE STRUCTURE CONSTANT OR THE PRINCIPLES OF AERODYNAMICS OR JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING. THE WHOLE SHEBANG IS KNOT HEAR. I rest my case. MM
