Hi, XXXXX!
It's me - @@@@! It was good to talk with you this morning. Thanks for the advice about getting educated on depression, etc. I've been trying to sort things out, but it's difficult to understand why someone would make the decisions ##### made. As I told you on the telephone, I went to my doctor last week to get a check up and to get medication to calm my nerves a little. I also went to a counselor through the EAP at work to talk things over.
So... I'm taking care of myself and sharing what I learn with the rest of the gang. We're all staying in touch over the telephone, but it's weird to think of getting together without our dear friend along. I just like to think he's at peace and with your dad again. It seems that's all he ever wanted from the time your dad died, as he admired him so much. Despite the years that passed, I think part of ### remained that teenaged boy so enamored by his daddy. It's comforting to believe they're back together, and that your dad has #### tucked safely under his wing.
I want to thank you for making me feel so welcome and supported during the difficult time right after ### died. It made all the difference in the world to be able to meet ###'s family and share information with one another. Your Aunt ****** is a gem - she gave me her email address and I plan on writing to her this week. She lives just a few miles from me. I wish I had known because I would've made sure #### visited, as I know that would've been so good for both of them.
You and your family did a terrific job pulling the funeral arrangements together with no notice and under such heartbreaking circumstances. Although it was so hard on everyone, the visitation and funeral were wonderful with all of the great pictures, beautiful flowers, the people who loved (and will always love) ###, and the uplifting music. I wish he could have been there to see how people cared. The spot where he is buried is really special - near the family and overlooking a pretty view in the distance. I know he would've liked that.
I will always treasure knowing that the flowers I gave ### will remain with him, along with the note I slipped into his shirt pocket. Thank you for allowing me to place them there for ###s journey. My sentiments will always be right there - close to his heart, as he will always be close to mine. You know, I really loved your little brother. He was a joyful, sweet, sensitive, thoughtful man with such potential. It's still so hard to believe he's gone.
The finality is difficult, as there were so many things left unsaid. The experience has enriched my relationships with my brothers, parents and close friends because I've told them all what they mean to me. I'm also hugging my daughter tighter, and spending quality time enjoying her. So... I'm looking at the silver lining in the clouds. I hope you and others are doing the same, as ### would want good things to come from his life.
I wish ###'s son could know how ### felt about him. He was so sensitive when we discussed his relationship with his son. He was ashamed by not spending time with him, and cried when he really thought about it. Over the past two years, he talked about how he wasn't ready to see his son because he didn't feel he had anything to offer him. He was waiting for that "someday" when he had his own place, a better car and more disposable income so he could buy him whatever he needed. I tried to get ### to understand that his son didn't want "stuff"... he just needed a father in his life. ### said he would "someday" take his son in, if he wanted, and would do his best to give him what a young man needs from his father... things ### didn't have after his own father died. Unfortunately, the prospect of "someday" never came and is now impossible... I wish that boy could go through life knowing his dad really cared and was concerned about his upbringing with his mother, but didn't feel worthy of being a greater part of his life. Has the mother contacted anyone from your family, or vice versa?
Sorry if this note has been a bit of a downer and is so long but, if you'd like, you can feel free to share it with ^^^^^^. I tried calling her this morning at ___________, but am not sure if I had the right number.
I will try to get a recent picture of ### that I can send via email attachment. I hope to hear from you soon. Let's not lose touch.
Hugs,
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