Lady Lee,
I can share my thoughts on your questions:
As you follow someone as they try to support WT beliefs what are you thinking? Of course, with any debate, each party has the ability to "score points". What happens is when apologists come here, they underestimate their opponent, a mistake anytime. So, the questions that are directed to them are questions they can't answer and I know they can't answer. Yet,instead of conceeding that there is indeed no scriptural response, they twist something to try to make it fit. The response sometimes sounds good on the surface, but when debating here, the "other side" can call them on the inconsistancies. It's the trying to make an answer fit that bothers me the most because it is dishonest. The bottom line for a JW is supposed to be supporting the truth regardless of where that truth leads you. That's what I was taught to do but in reality, its support the WTS. Those debates made that clear to me.
Do you think you know the answers? I know the WT responses. What I didn't do before I came here was check on some of the sources or look up other Bible commentaries to see discussions on some of those issues. I thought the WT was right because that's all I knew.
Do you realize that after years as a JW you don't know the answers either?
I think the real answers to some of the things (like the UN matter) are known only by a select few. But, the underlying problem with them being an associate NGO and the resulting spin work are more important and to me are a sign of wickedness, not the humility that leadership wants us to believe they have. On doctrinal stuff, I beginning to see that noone has all the answers.
How does it affect you emotionally to realize some beliefs can't be defended? A range of emotions, sadness, anger, feeling "played", But, we are taught to direct those emotions to the people who bring up the valid points. That's way the WTS doesn't want debating "apostates" or reading material that doesn't present them in a positive light. Because they know they can't defend some of these things and again, rather than humbly admitting their error, they demonize everyone who disagrees with them. That's something I already knew and I was felt that if it's really the truth, then nothing can overturn it. I still believe that which is why I don't think it's the truth. Truth is truth, there can't be ANY lies.
As you followed along were you searching through WT literature and Bible for the answers?
Bible - yes, WT literature - no. I knew what the WT reasoning was on most of the things discussed, although some of the old things were a suprise to me.
Was there one thing/issue that sealed the deal for you in realizing the WTS is wrong? The UN issue. Not so much the initial association (although acting as a volunteer passing out information on the UN really makes me angry). It's the cover-up. The lack of humility, the quashing of dissent. I've always had doubts about the FDS issue but after that 607/587 debate and going through the Daniel book at the BS, it became clear to me that I was being fooled. The blood policy has also bothered me for a long time but I was hoping for reform. I know see there will be no reform and that they will do anything to keep from admitting wrong.
Hope that helps a little. I really want others to recognize the dishonesty that is taking place.
