As I have been reading different posts here, I can see that it is a huge factor that the JW's are just so in the dark as to what the org. actually does and teaches. I had thought my experience was unique....but I can tell that it is not so. I was in the org for 12 years. I had lots of Bible studies and felt like I had "made the truth my own". I always had felt guilty for leaving, and was still in that mind set untill a few months ago. I had just had my daughter and my mom (who is still a JW and hadn't talked to me for several years) came to visit me. (well...came to see my daughter) She was laying it on thick, telling me how I know the truth and my family was going to die at Armegeddon if I did not do something about it. I believed her too....and I told my husband that it was bothering me that I felt like I knew that we were all going to die, and I felt guilty since I wasn't doing anything about knowing this. He realized and told me..."You're STILL a JW!!" I was like...."no way....I am disfellowshipped! How can I be a JW?" But...I realized I still thought the JWs were telling the "truth", so I decieded I would REALLY make the truth my own and started my search. I spent MANY hours a day looking at things on the "official JW web site" and comparing it to the Bible....and then I started looking at various sites that uncovered a-lot of things I never knew about the org. I was shocked as I saw more and more proof that there was no way the JW's were the "one true religion", like I had been told. It was about a week into my researching when I actually recieved Holy Spirit........and knew that the Bible was right...If you seek, you will find. Now I just pray that all JW's who have the right heart actually start seeking. I know it is only God that can help them....but I try to be his tool and plant little seeds in all the people I can.(including my 8 yr old daughter being raised as a JW) When I had done all the research....I told my mom....who you would think would be happy since I did make the truth my own....but of course she was actually FURIOS....because I did not come to THEIR conclusion...so I am officially dis-owned again....and probably labled as apostate now.
As a side note....I looked up the meaning of apostate and was actually surprised at the meanoing of the word. I though it meant you were against God...or something horrible like that...But all it means is you are no longer for a religion, or a political party, or any group any longer, and you will speak out against it. Hey...I can do that! I am proud to be an APOSTATE of JW's!