Familes of those DA'd & DF'd

by roybatty 5 Replies latest jw friends

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  roybatty

  I was wondering what others have experienced after being DA’d or DF’d with regard to their JW family. I’m not wondering so much how they treat you but what are your feelings about them. I was raised as a JW in a really close family. I was DA’d a year ago and have gone through many emotions regarding my family, from anger to feeling sorry for them, from missing them to well, now not even thinking about them. I’m not sure what others did but I let my family know that I harbor no ill will toward them, I still love them and that they are more then welcome to contact me anytime they want for any reason. Their response? “You know the rules.” Cool. No problem. Adiós.

  One recent event kind of gives an example of my feelings toward them. My sister and her husband are Bethelites and after hearing on the news about the tragedy at the WTC it didn’t cross my mind to find out how they are doing. I was glued to the news reports about the people who lost their lives and what I could do to help. Later on I thought “Oh, I wonder how my sis and her husband are doing?” Is that what happens as time goes by? Does one just forget about them? Is that a good or bad thing to forget about them? How about on the other side of the fence? Does one’s family also just forget? What are things like 5 or 10 years down the road? Just curious what others have experienced.
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  Englishman

  Hi Roy,

  My JW Mum visits me frequently and we stay off dub subjects. Sometimes, I take her in my pub where she has spoken with my elder pal, Mister Dub-in-the-pub. She then criticises him for speaking to me!

  I get the feeling that UK dubs don't apply the DFing rules as strictly as across the pond, they seem to be much more half-hearted than over there.

  One thing, I have heard this "You know the rules" nonsense. Most ex-dubs were kids when they first became dubs and were never asked if they wanted to be involved.

  Englishman.

  Stay Alive 'Til '75!
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  LittleToe

  Hi Eman.

  >> I get the feeling that UK dubs don't apply
  >> the DFing rules as strictly as across the pond
  Errrrm - no, I wouldn't agree with that, my friend.
  When my sister was DF'ed there were only a few relatives that didn't treat her like she had the plague (myself included).
  Everyone else castigated her.

  That was something pretty consistant with what I've seen in a lot of congs that I [have / have had] dealings with.

  As for the 5-10 years thing, I've not experienced it getting any better.

  I guess there is likely to be quite a variation throughout the counrty, though, as I do know one cong that ignore the shunning thing almost entirely.

  Just my 2p,

  LT
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  nelly136

  my dad said goodbye to me the night my dfing was announced and only started speaking to me best part of 10 years later because of a death of a non jw part of my family that I phoned him about, about half of that time my dad was dfd himself.
  My mother later remarried and I was presented with 5 step brothers and sisters (kids I'd grown up with as a kid/friends of family)
  who also follow the party line....strictly no talking there.
  .. plus 1 stepsister who is dfd,
  years back when I heard on the grapevine she'd been dfd I tried asking where she was but no one would tell me, anytime she asked about my whereabouts no one would tell her, we met again just previous to the wedding that made us steps due to a slip up that gave away her place of work,

  I cut contact with my mum a whiles back, it seemed that even though I'd left for years the jw thang was still controlling parts of my life, I attended my grandads funeral he was never a dub but my grandmother was, and was told after the service...."you know its only been for this week dont you!....and of course the 'you know the rules thing' lol I probably hadnt seen my grandad more than a few times in 17 years because visiting him compromised my grandmother.

  I grew up being told I was loved, the day I was dfd I found that I was only loved on the condition I was a jw, once dfd I became just another disposable item to be picked up when it suited and chucked aside when it didnt, eventually I decided that as my presence was such a compromise on their faith then it I was doing them a bigger favour by staying away altogether,
  nelly

  http://www.jw-media.com faqs section, shunning does not affect family ties.
  as venice would say BWAAAHAHAHAHA
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  roybatty

  >>I get the feeling that UK dubs don't apply the DFing rules as strictly as across the pond, they seem to be much more half-hearted than over there.<<

  Hey Englishman, I would agree with that. Actually, when I was a JW, the JWs from Europe that I met seemed a lot more laid back. Here in the States watching an "R" rated moving was a BIG no-no, but the JWs I met from Ireland, England and Holland didn't see what the big deal was. I kind of wonder if the rules about talking with df'd ones are also lax.
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  Pathofthorns

  Hello Roy.

  I am not Disassociated or Disfellowshipped but am shunned just the same by my family.

  I have the same feelings as you toward them. Pretty much no feelings at all really.

  It is one thing that I find disturbing because sometimes I think I should feel more than I do. Then again perhaps it is some sort of survival mechanism.

  "I do know the rules" and I know why they think the way they do. There is no sense wishing for things to be different, or wishing for something that isn't there. You just move on I guess.

  Path