Curious on if YOU would do this....

by megsmomma 7 Replies latest jw friends

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  megsmomma

  A little back ground. My husband and I have 4 kids all together. My 8 yr old lives with her JW dad, since I couldn't get her when I left the org. My hubby has a 6 and 3 year old that are with their mom who is a extreme baptist and we are going to have to take her to court to get to see them, since she hides or leaves when we go to get them.....

  So, we know what it is like to have kids you don't get to raise yourself. Now, the question is...we have neighbors that are lesbians and have been together for 10 years. One has a 13 yr old daughter, who I spend time with after school, and is delightful. They are trying to have a baby, and it costs so much each cycle....over 3,000 dollars. My hubby and I threw around the idea of donating his sperm to them. We would sign papers to give all parenting rights to them, and he would have no responsibility to the child, though it would be know that he was the donator. Would you do it....and why or why not?

  Thanks for responses!
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  OnTheWayOut

  I won't get into side issues. I would not do it, because, no matter what you think now, your husband may want to be involved in the child's life and will have no say-so in it. They could move, leave no address, they could raise the child in a way he dissapproves of, they could file for child-support, on and on are the possibilities.
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  whyizit

  I agree with OnTheWayOut. You are very kindly thinking with your heart, but there are so many circumstances that change in life, you may bitterly regret the decision later.

  We selected God-parents for our child. People we trusted and intended to raise our child should anything happen to us. It's now ten years later and we have reconsidered our plan. There have been many things come to the surface that we were not aware of and their own children have not had as happy a life as we originally thought.

  Thankfully, we are able to change our plans easily and privately.

  Although your intentions are wonderful and selfless, it's like they say..."The road to hell is paved with good intentions." And the hell we're talking about may not be only for the adults in this situation, it could be a personal hell for an innocent child.
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  megsmomma

  Thank you both for your thoughts and insight. I do tend to think with my heart only....and this is too big of a life long situation that we would be getting ourselves involved in. My husband says since we have 4 GIRLS...that this would probably be the only boy sperm he would ever end up having! LOL! (but....that would break his heart)

  Thanks so much!
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  OnTheWayOut

  You are welcome. Tell your husband how satisfied you are with your wonderful daughters.
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  lovelylil

  I know I would not offer or allow my hubby to use his sperm. The main reason is not for legal reasons but the fact that both of my kids look like carbon copies of my hubby. I am afraid if he donated sperm to the nieghbors the other child would look like him and my two kids too and I would find that very creepy. My sister in law needs a sperm donor too and I told her don't even bother asking my hubby. He would say no anyway.

  I am all for charity but sharing DNA is not something I would consider nor want my hubby to do.

  Also, how would your kids feel about it? They may not be able to understand the issue fully. I asked my two kids they are 12 and 14 and they both said it would bother them to know their dad helped father another child not considered their sibling.

  Another thing is this: these things sometimes turn out to be bad in the long term. Believe me it has nothing to do with them being lesbian but many couples today do not stay together. The divorce rate is around 60%. Would your hubby be prepared to help bring a child in the world who may become the child in a single parent household? Would he then feel obligated to help support that child if the absentee parent refuses to do so? There are many things to consider though it seems your heart is in the right place, please be careful with this one. Lilly
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  Life Is Grand

  I think it's very generous of you and your husband to consider helping this couple out like that...BUT....I cannot imagine giving up all legal and moral rights and responsibilities to this child, yet still have to live next door and see that little one on a regular basis. Especially if it turned out being the little boy that your husband never had.

  It would wrench my heart out to be in that situation. Maybe if they lived far away, it might be a different story, but I can't imagine that it would be an easy thing to do in the same neighbourhood. It's easy to be practical and think that you could handle it now, but you never know what havoc your emotions might wreak afterwards.

  I don't think I would be able to handle something like that...it would only cause alot of unforeseen problems down the road.
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  under_believer

  The only culturally safe sperm/egg donations are anonymous.