In-laws getting in the way...

by roflcopter 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • roflcopter
    roflcopter

    My marriage has been hitting rocky roads lately because the in-laws know my stand as far as what I feel about Jehovah's Witnesses. Every 3 days or so they send my wife a letter full of propoganda and how she needs to come back home, yadda yadda. It truly is recking my marriage. I try to talk to my wife now but it's like talking to a wall.

    Anyways, heres the latest crap fed to my wife 2-3x a week. I don't know what to do at this point. My wife has seen all the stuff thats wrong, but her line of reasoning is "i dont want to risk it, because what if it is the truth I will never get to see my sister alive again" bla bla bla. She just cant get over that hurdle that its not "the truth"

    Anyways propoganda filled letter follows:

    Dear xxxxxx,

    I was thinking just the other day of how its like to be you, when you were here, having the illnesses you've had to deal with. Headaches one after another. I don't think you just told me that to get out of doing things that I wished you would do. I guess it just seemed easier for you to sit at your computer and play games after working all day (*** This is what my wife does when she gets home from work, she complains that she has to work to HELP support our family) Bi ibe wabts ti wirj nire after being constantly on the go all day. I shoul've realized that instead of wanting you to do other things. And being sick makes it even more plausible that that is what you should do, rest.

    I realize this: that Dad didn't have to amek you go to work full time, although eventually you wanted to money and him pushing you convinced you that that was what you wanted to do. It was a desire. I would have hoped that you'd want some part time job and gone out in service and actually liked talking to people about what we've learned. You could've had the energy to study and come to crave the know how you were aquiring. Developed a longing for the word. 1 Peter 2:2.

    We had the circumstance where you could've went out in serive instead of working all the time. Dad was not looking at things spiritually. He always was too anxious about people paying him for the expenses and money matters. He had not progressed to the point of looking at the tings of that sort spiritually. I should've helped you realized that you didn't have to go that route. The route to crowding out spiritual things. I think I did try to help you realize that you didn't have to work full and we could've had the enery for hte weekend to go out in service.

    I dont know if being afraid of Dad made you feel coerced to do what he said since you told me he bullied you as a child. Now I think that has spilled over into your married life and you let "ROFLCOPTER" bully you into the same routine of working the energy right out of you so that nothing else can matter but being a work horse (*** Guess she wants us to be homeless and serve Jahooboo rather than both work to support our family***)

    Things can get bad, and then they can get worse. But do you realize the power of Jehovah's spirit and how it can help us accomplish remarkable things? So many times Jehovah has helped me get through things that the world crumbles under. I've endured such emotional trauma with Jah just taking my hand and leading me about with his comforting words and guidance to know what to do about situations that have come up.

    I always knew when his word was guiding me, because I studied what he wanted us to know from the bible, watchtower and awake, and when I applied the appropriate council it always worked for me and things went well. Jehovah interacts with his people that way. It's more wonderful than anyone could imagine that in this crumbling world we have such a powerful God on our side should we decide to exercise the faith in him. Havent you had just enough of knowing what the world is about YET. (*** love the guilt trip she just tryed playing on my wife here) Aren't the dirty words and dirty actions of people in the world repulsed you any? Hasn't the selfishness, lieing and staeling among other things just been enough for you to stand anymore? How bout the jealousy, argueing, and distrust (*** personally havent had anyone of these probs with our worldly friends othe rthan cussing)

    I've tried to help you with your relationship with "ROFLCOPTER" but if he is responsible for putting that pornography on my Myspace bullitain board, or his sister is, a marriage cannot endure when a husband is looking at other naked women and lusting after them or trying to make you do things that other people do. (***Accusing me of crap i never did, I dont use myspace) I hope to jehovah that you don't have anything to do with those disgusting sites and if you do that you'll do the first thing you can to get out of it. We can be slaves to our own bad habits, but jah is stronger than it all if only we see the badness in it and want to be free from it and learn to live lives knowing what real love is about.

    I think the thought of you returning back home if necessary is hard for you but beleive me if you decide thats what you have to do then I could make it better for you even if I have to make if hard on Dad for your sake. (***Great urge my wife to leave me) In every circumstance we'll have problems but if we have jah on our side the troubles will be easier to get through and we'll come out better persons from them and then those problems will be gone and we'll be strong because we handled them his way.

    I'm sorry for writing you that angry note on myspace but you know people who don't stop doing bad things have no future. But you can have a future if you get away from the world.

    Love mom

    ************************************

    And its crap like that, that shows up to the house day after day and has my wife thinking of leaving me now since I'm a horrible wicked person. I don't treat my wife unfairly or unjust, I don't abuse her, I do my best to make sure we have everything we need to live. But I guess I'm just a wicked guy because I turned my back on "Gods Whoreganization." Welp, chalk up another letter for the trashcan. Too bad I can't catch them all, at least this letter was mild to the crap she wrote about me in the past.

    ~ROFLCOPTER

  • becca1
    becca1

    I don't know your exact circumstances, nor do I want to know them, but if you are not abusing your wife of cheating on her, her family should not be urging her to leave you. You might want to consider sending copies of these letters to your in-law's body of elders, if they have any sense, they will tell her she is out of line. The bottom line really is- does your wife love you and want to stay with you? If the answer is yes, work tirelessly to improve your marrige, starting with setting some ground rules for in-laws.

  • Mystla
    Mystla

    Wow, that was a really heavy pile of guilt to put on someone you are suposed to love. JW's excell at finding ways to guilt you out and your MIL has learned from the best. Tell your wife she doesn't need all that guilt!!! It's her life!! I know that's simplistic, but it makes me so mad! My mom still tries this crap on me from time to time.. but I change the subject right away, I know I don't have to listen to her crap anymore.

    Seriously, how can someone put that much guilt on somebody they love? Your MIL sounds like a real drama queen.

    Hang in there and show your wife as much love as you can, she needs it!

    Misty

  • My MILs worst nightmare, a nonJW
    My MILs worst nightmare, a nonJW

    Your MIL wrote

    I've tried to help you with your relationship with "ROFLCOPTER"

    Your wife is venting to your MIL about your relationship with your wife. You need to ask your wife to vent to you instead of your MIL. This will require way more patience than you thought you ever had. Because it means that you have to convince your wife that she can be honest with you without fear of retribution. You have to prove worthy of your wifes trust. You can't get angry. You have to listen. You are not alone. It's not about right or wrong, its about making your wife feel comfortable coming to you instead of your MIL. If you focus on your MIL, then you are inviting her into your marriage. If you focus on communicating with your wife, then MIL will become less and less important. Oh yeah, and stop reading your wife's letters. Good luck, you can do it!

  • collegegirl21
    collegegirl21

    I am sorry to hear about that, but you need to talk to your wife, make sure she knows that you love her no matter what her parents says, or her parents say that Jehooba says. Just be honest with her without yelling or getting mad. Do you have any kids?

  • mama1119
    mama1119

    Oh my goodness. Does she consider what she is doing as loving or christian like trying to wreck your marraige. Do what you can to make your wife and you a team, try counseling or what ever you need to do. Return the letters unopened to her.

  • Little Bo Peep
    Little Bo Peep

    In every circumstance we'll have problems but if we have jah on our side the troubles will be easier to get through and we'll come out better persons from them and then those problems will be gone and we'll be strong because we handled them his way.

    Tell your wife, this is very true. You havn't left Jehovah, and there is no reason to think we don't have his holy spirit. JW's seem to assume when one leaves the WT they throw the baby out with the bathwater, forsaking belief in Jehovah, Jesus and the Bible too! I recently did research for my sis-in-law and came up with a number of WT references showing (from the WT standpoint) we all can ask for Jehovah's holy spirit. Here they are, and maybe they will help your wife realize, we all can ask for help (even though the WT also says we need them for salvation). Here are a couple.

    2/1/1992 p14:

    20 What a powerful force this spirit is! But how can Christians today avail themselves of it? First, Jesus said we should ask for it, so why not do just that? Pray to Jehovah to give you this wonderful gift not only in times of stress but on every occasion. In addition, read the Bible so that holy spirit can speak to you. (Compare Hebrews 3:7.) Meditate on what you read and apply it so that holy spirit can be an influence in your life. (Psalm 1:1-3)

    9/15/1992 p13:

    3 If something is robbing you of peace, joy, or some other godly quality, it would be wise to pray for God’s holy spirit, or active force. Why? Because Jehovah’s spirit produces good fruitage that helps a Christian to face problems, trials, and temptations

    (can't seem to get out of this small print!)

    Little Bo Peep

  • Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit
    Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

    Bastards! That's the kind of crap: slander, dividing a marriage, that should be reported to their elders! Afterall, that's the only thing they fear, the only thing they will listen to! So sorry you have to deal with this, it's an absolutely shameful letter from your monster-in-law.

    For what it's worth, 6 years ago, we were still practicing Hohos when my mother out of the blue accused my kind and good husband of being a wife-beater (no bruises, no plea for help, nuttin'--actually her 'evidence' was that we didn't have voice mail on our phone any more, a sure sign that I was being kept awayfrom my family). Now that we're not Hohos, my mother says how horrible it is that I have to work full time, since I have a husband and all who should support me. . .keep in mind that it ain't the 50's any more. . . Then she says how much they love my husband, blah blah blah.

    Also, I noticed that the only whole sentences that she spelled correctly were those about Je---ah and Jesus and the Bible. Not to be rude, but I wonder what it means, holy spirit perhaps.

  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee

    I'm kind of in this situation right now myself. My mother in law has recently found out we no longer attend meetings. She gave my hubby a letter just a short time ago. I haven't been able to go over it with him yet. I saw the letter and it was addressed to both of us, unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) the majority of it past the first sentance is in her native language! That leaves me out!! Hubby is having lunch with his mom tomorrow, it'll be interesting to see what kind of guilt she lays on him (I'm sure she blames me - I'm the only non Italian in the whole family, so I must be evil!! lol)

    Make sure you work to keep a very close relationship with your wife, talk about your feelings etc. I speak from experience, keep a very open line of communication!

    BB

  • annalice
    annalice

    I am sorry that you are having to go through this . I am in a similar situation. My in laws and physco sister in law are doing this to my husband . They believe that I have forced him to leave the "truth" and that the whole reason he has left is because of me. He is constantly being sent letters addressed only to him about coming back and they want him to bring our 12 month old son along also. I geuss I'm just considered a lost hope ,so toss her aside and save yourself they feel. When these letters come in the mail now I just write on them "return to sender- we do not accept cult related letters". Keep strong in your beliefs that you are doing the right thing for yourself. Sometimes I think its the only way these people can deal with a loved one leaving is to point the blame on another person. They just can't accept the fact that someone they love actually wants to leave and has made this decission all on their own. That is what I am trying to get my husband to say to his family ,but as of right now He is still just letting the blame fall on me. But I am happier now than I've ever been , I enjoy the freedom of being able to think for myself. All of us who have left are the truely the strong ones, we all tower over the witnesses with the strentgh we now have . Enjoy your freedom and tell your inlaws to go to hell.

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