Progress with my wife

under_believer

Well, progress continues. I no longer directly attack my wife's beliefs... I leave her with questions to ponder and give her research assignments. If there's one thing the Witnesses taught me, it's how to talk to people in a nonthreatening way about their beliefs.

Yesterday, I asked her what she thought about the KN37 comments at the Service Meeting the other night. She expressed irritation that someone else commented that there was a "good chance" that this tract could start the great tribulation because of it's unfavorable message. I'm not sure if she was irritated with the commenter, for thinking that the Society would try to or even be able to "kick off" the great tribulation, or if she was irritated because she believes the Society is trying to do so.

She also remembered (on her own) that someone had raised their hand and said that they believe that because "this isn't a favorable message" that it would stimulate persecution. I said "Oh, seriously, don't worry about it. It's nothing they haven't been saying for 100 years, it's nothing new. And hardly anyone will read it anyways, they'll just toss it in the trash." She acknowledged that this was true.

This led us to a discussion of the tract's contents. I said "don't give it to your Catholic return visits, it talks against the Catholics for child abuse." She said "well, the Catholics have a huge problem with that, don't they?" I said, "Well, there does seem to be an endemic problem among the clergy, I theorize that it comes back to the fact that they're celibate." She opined that Witnesses don't have anywhere near as much of a problem. I chuckled a little and said, "They don't? What about Jesus Cano? What about [name of local elder who everyone thinks is a pedo]?" She said those were just a couple of examples, not everyone was like that (well duh.)

I then explained about the Society's "two witnesses" rule, which she already knew about of course, and asked her to think about what effect it would have on child molester cases. I threw in for good measure the rules on reporting and non-reporting states, which I actually had heard about from my dad, an elder, before.

Definitely gave her something to think about. She loves children and they are the most important thing in her life.

zev

be real kind to her. and do what you are doing, asking questions that make her THINK. eventually, she may see it for herself.

Arthur

under_believer:

I'm not familiar with your background. How are you able to get away with saying these kinds of things to your wife without her reporting you to the elders? Are you DF'd already? I'm just curious; because I ( who am inactive ) would never be able to get away with saying things like this to any of my JW family members.

StillGroggy

awesome, I just added the two-witness rule to things to talk about with my wife.

Thanks underbeliever

Doubting Bro

That's great. You could also use the two witness deal if you wife did turn you in. You could deny and there's nothing the BOE could do about it. My guess if that she hasn't turned you in yet, she's probably reachable. Keep us updated.

Dawn

Good job member. Just keep asking those questions that make her think and don't directly attack her beliefs.

Years ago I found myself at a time when I was "weak in the faith" but still going to meetings and trying to get "back to Jehovah" - I was completely brain washed.

I met a "friend of a friend" and we hit it off. Of course, I started to witness to him soon after that - only he started asking me tough questions I couldn't answer - ones that really made me think. It took some time, but I eventually came to the realization that his questions were worthy of more research.

Thanks to him, I have now been free of the WT cult for 16 years - and I eventually married that "friend of a friend".

Be patient - it will come in time.

under_believer

Arthur, two things:

1) She's not that great of a Witness--has always had a very flexible sense of morality and right and wrong. Very judgmental in certain areas (especially homosexuality), but soft in others. Her family has three out of six kids disfellowshipped and another inactive.

2) Turning me in would cause hardships for herself and the kids. Right now, even though I'm inactive (as in no service) I still go to all the meetings that she wants to, to help support her with the kids there (they're all under the age of 8). If I get disfellowshipped, she knows I won't go anymore. The freedom this gives me to discuss things with her is so far worth the pain of attending those ridiculous meetings. "Worship", heh.

So I can get away with a few things. I wouldn't say anything like that to my mom or dad or any of my believing cousins, grandparents, or aunts/uncles. But with my wife, I can bring up thought-provoking questions.

I have not always kept my cool, I've made mistakes. Once I accused her of being an apostate (technically, I was correct). I am trying really hard to avoid any more incidents like that one.

SusanHere

If men only understood the power of a soft, quiet, gentle voice, they'd rule the world. If you want a woman to listen to you, use that power, coupled with tenderness and love.

She'll listen.

Susan

I quit!

She said "well, the Catholics have a huge problem with that, don't they

When I first left my wife and I had a similar discussion only she was referring to the immorality that goes on in "Christendom" in general. I told her that for every case she brought up I would match her with one where a JW did the same thing. She never took me up on it because she knew I could. I used to push pretty hard because I thought once someone was presented with the facts they would face up to facts, admit they were being duped and leave but it doesn' always work that way. You seem to be doing a pretty good job of bringing things to her attention. You know your wife better than anyone but as an outsider I think the best way is to go slow and don't push too much.

Good Luck

Progress with my wife

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