believing parents

by pippy 5 Replies latest jw friends

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  pippy

  what on earth can you do when you r fatther keeps asking why you are not going to meetings,, my dad asks me every time i see him,

  i told my dad and mum that i didnt want to go back, that i didnt agree with the way I was treated, and everyother person ever to be on the wrong side of the fence. he tells me i am bitter,and i should only think about nice things, and not dwell on the negative.

  i said i didnt like hearing about armogedon ,and seeing all the evil pictures,,that it makes me paranoid,and scared in storms ,and will cause me to become a scitzo one day. i dont want to be scared into doing the right thing.. i want to enjoy my life, and appriciate things.

  Then ..he said to me ,, but most of the meeting s are happy, you just get a negative one here and there,,, and that only comes from thefaithfull and discreet slave because they are old funny duddies. ( he was just trying to be relaxed about it to palm off the negativity) j so i said, i thought they are inspired by jehovah.. he said ,,they are ,but they put their slant on it ,so we can all understand it. i said,,so they twist it into what they want to say...

  then he got all funny and said, no,they dont twist it ,,, stop talking like that!!!! you are so bitter,,when are you going to stop rubbishing them, they are my brothers u know!!

  he said he is so worried about me ,and he will prolly say this till his dying day,, i really dont want to dissapoint him, i love him dearly and want to please him,but i just cant pretend i agree with him,, its really bugging me ,, he is so disapointed in myself and my other brothers and sister are not there with him,but he refuses to actually listen when we have a conversation.

  ??????? do i have to just keep enduring this pointless battle with him ,, hes 84,and very healthy, i dont want to rock the boat and shake up his life,by starting to explain fully my reasons,but he just keeps on naaaaaging sooooo much!!! its painful,,,
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  jaguarbass

  If my father was 84, I'd be 64, If thats the case with your father I'd say you better do what he says, because if your 64 years old and worried about pleasing your father by going to the meetings you got more problems than going to the meetings. If your under 18 their may be hope for you. How can you be under 18 and your father be 84? How old is your mother?
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  pippy

  im 28... my mum is 64,,,

  my dad is one of a kind,, but i luv him heaps , and it does tug at my feelings to see hiim upset over it...
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  pippy

  just to add ....i guess in a way i do still feel 18 because i was dfed at 17 yrs old and have had no direrection since then,, i only feel like i have become independant from the guilt trips it put me on in the last year... the society that is,, m and d , they have just always been the same..
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  daystar

  pippy

  Your dad sounds a bit like my dad used to.

  he tells me i am bitter,and i should only think about nice things, and not dwell on the negative.

  A response you can give to him is.. Dad, if I ignored the negative stuff, just brushed it under the rug so to speak, aren't I choosing to live in a fantasy world? Aren't you telling me to ignore the reality of the situation? Did Jesus ignore the negative stuff and just focus on the positive? If he had, he never would have challenged the rabbis, etc. of the time.

  Yes, you're comparing yourself to Jesus. But as a Christian, aren't you supposed to? Aren't the JWs supposed to be "Christ-like"? How can one possibly do this but to compare themselves to Christ. "What would Jesus do?", etc.

  Then ..he said to me ,, but most of the meeting s are happy, you just get a negative one here and there,,, and that only comes from thefaithfull and discreet slave because they are old funny duddies. ( he was just trying to be relaxed about it to palm off the negativity) j so i said, i thought they are inspired by jehovah.. he said ,,they are ,but they put their slant on it ,so we can all understand it. i said,,so they twist it into what they want to say...

  then he got all funny and said, no,they dont twist it ,,, stop talking like that!!!! you are so bitter,,when are you going to stop rubbishing them, they are my brothers u know!!

  Again, so he is saying one should accept what they say anyway? Does he think that Christ would agree that a brother cannot lead one astray? He accepts that they are "old funny duddies" and so implies that the negative stuff comes from these old wrinkled guys that say funny things sometimes... so, only the negatives qualify here? What of the things that seem positive? Can't they also be loopy ideas from "old funny duddies"?

  Really, your dad sounds a lot like mine. If he is, I can understand why you love him so much.

  It's doubtful that things will change very easily or quickly. You might consider trying very hard to rather ignore it all, considering his age. I do with mine. For the longest time, I would just tell them that we'd best not talk about it as they'd only get upset. After a while, they stopped mentioned things.

  At his age, he needs whatever hope he has. I would recommend not challenging it. In fact, you might even reinforce the positive for his benefit. His armageddon is very soon. Help him to have hope.

  I sat my parents down one time and told them, in no uncertain terms, that we would see each other in paradise some day; that no matter what they might think, no matter how they feel about me not being a JW or whatever, that they must trust me on this... I think they believed me, and that is what is important. (I don't believe that, but that's another story.)
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  pippy

  thanks daystar,, yes it is very hard when you know someone you love is displeased with you and there is nothing you can do about making them feel better about it.

  i will take your advise because i think it is valid in saying he will probably not change, and if i help him to embrace what he believes it will keep him strong. After reading your post i realise i dont want to be the same as him and try to tell him his beliefs are wrong in any way, like he does to me,, so for his sake i will just let him be and try not upset him, or myself over it. i think i will tell him, everyone has to do things and progress in life in their own way,and thats just what i am doing,, even though i dont go to meetings i still do my best in sorting out lifes journey.. it sux though, because i feel free of them now, and happy with my life, but when i see him its like i constantly have to answer to his questions, and its a battle i dont want to fight.