I have a friend who is a DF'd JW. I think that is how you say it? He says he wants to get reinstated although he seems unsure about this.All his family and most of his friends are JW's.He has asked me out on several occassions and then has changed his mind.I know he cares about me and wants to be better friends at the very least.I would like to talk to him about these things but whenever I try it seems to go all wrong! I care about this man and cannot give up on him.I have tried reading up on JW's but there are some many rules and regulations. I have a child out of wedlock which Iam sure looks bad for him.Please someone help..
Non JW with JW friend..so many questions some help is needed...
by smily 5 Replies latest social relationships
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fullofdoubtnow
Hi smily and welcome to the forum.
It's not really possible for someone who has never been a jw to understand what it's like to be one. JWs who are brought up in the cult are brainwashed virtually from birth, and even when one is disfellowshipped, as your friend has been, and their friends and family cut off contact with them, the mind control is still in place.
What is your friend doing to try and get reinstated? If he is going to meetings regularly, which he would have to do to have any chance of being reinstated, then it is probable that he is serious about rejoining. If he isn't regular at the meetings, then he is possibly not so sure. One thing is certain. if he does rejoin, the jws will come first in his life, not you.
I would advise you to not ask him about it too much, just leave it to him. If he's determined to get back in, nothing you say will stop him anyway.
good luck
Linda
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smily
Hi and thanks for replying..my friend does not tell me things all the time so it is hard to establish if he is attending meetings regularly but I do know that he had a meeting with some elders to discuss being reinstated. He is still in contact with his family who still love him but he seems to feel he is causing them pain and embarrassment.He has some friends who have "faded" and talks of this sometimes.He talks quite often of having to make a firm descion.He already breaks some rules from what I have read but tells me that the rules are more of a guidelines to live by rather than rules. (this does not seem correct from what I have read).
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fullofdoubtnow
but tells me that the rules are more of a guidelines to live by rather than rules
That is a typical jw response to a question about the org. Believe you me, there are a lot of rules within the jws, generally rigidly enforced, and many of which have no basis in scripture, but jws are taught not to question things. In fact, asking too many questions can get you in serious trouble.
If he's been meeting with elders, it sounds like he is at least semi - serious about being reinstated, but even so it will be a while before this can happen, and he will have a lot to go through,some of it quite humiliating, first. maybe (hopefully) he will change his mind, because I can assure you, in the long run he will be far better off not going back.
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jgnat
It's a lot of work coaxing a person out of cult thinking. I should know. I'm working on year six (non-JW married to one). If he's asked you out on a couple dates, but he wavers between cutting it off with you and rejoining the society, I fear you have a very tenuous relationship with him from the start. There's nothing wrong with you. I am sure your little tyke is absolutely adorable. JW's look unkindly at ANYONE who is not a JW.
IF YOU ARE VERY SERIOUS about talking about the religion with your friend, read Steve Hassan's book on "Combatting Cult Mind Control" first. www.freedomofmind.com Then read Ray Franz's book, "Crisis of Conscience" http://www.freeminds.org/history/crisis.htm
I suggest you keep this man as a casual friend, and date others. If he is ever ready to hear, you can talk. AFTER you read some good books on the subject.
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Lady Liberty
Welcome to the forum!!
Perhaps you should e-mail him the link to this site. Or mail it to him anonymously.
SIncerely,
Lady Liberty