How do I..........

nonamegiven

get out?

I've only been on this board and one other board for a short time and I quickly learned enough to show me that JW is not the one and trur religion. Most of you know my situation, married with 2 kids and another due in a month. How do I get out of this organization? DA isn't an option because I must keep family ties open (all of my family are JW's). I planned on just drifting away but after reading other accounts, is this possible? Will the elders keep calling on me? I think so since my wife will still be going to the KH. If they keep calling back I think the issue will come to a head. Anyway, is there a way to drift away if th ewife keeps going regularly?

fullofdoubtnow

You are currently disfellowshipped, aren't you? In that regard, you are already out of the org. Just don't apply for reinstatement, and don't bother going to meetings, which would disqualify you from being able to get reinstated anyway. Tell your wife you just can't bear the shunning on such a regular basis if she objects.

Whatever you do, good luck.

nonamegiven

I am DF'd now but if I don't get reinstated I will loose contact with my family. I am trying to avoid that at all costs. I suppose the thing is, if I am DF'd I don't have contact with my family. If I get reinstated, then try to drift away I think I may get DA'd by default of sorts. If that happens it means I've put up with that crap (being df'd and going to meeting and being treated like yesterdays poop) was for nothing.

OnTheWayOut

I read your previous post on what happened and what you wanted to do. You had some pretty good advice.
Bottom line- you need to decide what to do. I think that I could not get reinstated if I were DF'ed, knowing
it is not the truth, but maybe you can.

I am married to a faithful JW, in my fade, hoping not to get DF'ed. They can never DA you if you don't vote,
go to church, celebrate holidays, join the military. If you do celebrate at work or with non-JW family or vote,
you have to keep it a secret. Other than that, you play the game.

For you that might be this-You get reinstated and then never question
doctrine during your fade. You cut back on meetings and service on your terms, but your reason is always
depression, feelings of lack-of-love, or lots of work. In other words, you become spiritually weak, but not a
person who insists that something is wrong with the organization.

I did not choose this path, but if I started over again, advice from this board might have caused me to take
the depression route. I chose to "doubt" the Governing Body and their doctrine, so now I have to avoid
argument over doctrine. Garybuss taught me this one, just say "Now, I agree with the WT." Don't say which
WT and avoid letting their counsel get anywhere. There is no room for DF in that.

fullofdoubtnow

If you do get reinstated, is fading an option? Just going to a very occasional meeting, and the memorial, may keep you in with your family and the elders off your back. A friend of ours does that, and has very few problems. He has not been df'd however, and has a good chance of getting his wife out. If that happens, he will da immediately. It's certainly a tricky position you are in, I hope it works out for you.

Linda

AK - Jeff

Not an enviable situation.

You're right - to go thru all the tricks and treats needed to get reinstated - only to then get Df'd or Da again, seem like a waste of energy.

I do not envy you. Could you move - let your wife continue, while you remain somewhat anonymous in the new area? Then work to slowly and carefully extract your wife and kids?

You cannot get your whole family out - that is nearly a given. But IMO, keeping the kids from being completely immersed and indoctrinated for life might be a priority. At least it would be for me.

Welcome to the forum. Many, many have had the same problem.

Jeff

reneeisorym

Before I give my advice -- I want you to know that I speak from experience. I was the only one in my family to leave. I was a 5th generation JW and lost 36 family members and even more friends. I decided to DA and leave it all behind and think it was the best thing I have ever done.

Perhaps you could give real Christianity a shot. It would answer a lot of your questions. Having a relationship with God will get you further than anything. I learned how to let Christ take my yoke and what freedom in Christ really means. I know God can really be a caring Father when mine was taken away by the deceit of Saten and his false prophets.

After I found out how to have a real personal relationship with the real God of the Bible, I had strength do do anything. I have not looked back and think it was the best decision I ever made. I have a new church now and even divorced my abusive husband and found a new one. Building a new life -- completely leaving the lies behind is my advice. I realize that with your wife and kids that is probably not completely possible but you can live a life of honesty to them and all who are around you. It will make you spiritually stronger and your kids will know the truth. I always say, "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."

Now I pray and hope that God helps the rest of my family out of that mess and yours as well.

Renee

AlmostAtheist

>>If I get reinstated, then try to drift away I think I may get DA'd by default of sorts.

It's not a foregone conclusion that you'd be DF'd/DA'd later. So long as you never say anything to the elders about the real reason you don't go anymore -- just say you're depressed -- they won't be able to touch you.

But that doesn't mean your family/friends won't TREAT you like you're DF'd. Some decide that if you don't act like a JW, then you're not one. And shun you (or practically shun you) anyway.

Congrats on seeing the truth about the "Truth", but sorry for the position it places you in.

DAve

stark

Before I give my advice -- I want you to know that I speak from experience. I was the only one in my family to leave. I was a 5th generation JW and lost 36 family members and even more friends. I decided to DA and leave it all behind and think it was the best thing I have ever done.
Perhaps you could give real Christianity a shot. It would answer a lot of your questions. Having a relationship with God will get you further than anything. I learned how to let Christ take my yoke and what freedom in Christ really means. I know God can really be a caring Father when mine was taken away by the deceit of Saten and his false prophets.
After I found out how to have a real personal relationship with the real God of the Bible, I had strength do do anything. I have not looked back and think it was the best decision I ever made. I have a new church now and even divorced my abusive husband and found a new one. Building a new life -- completely leaving the lies behind is my advice. I realize that with your wife and kids that is probably not completely possible but you can live a life of honesty to them and all who are around you. It will make you spiritually stronger and your kids will know the truth. I always say, "I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."
Now I pray and hope that God helps the rest of my family out of that mess and yours as well.
Renee

noname, I'm quoting this from Renee because this is such great advice and worth reading again.

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