Let me know what you guys think of this.. If there isn't much response maybe I'll type a little less, don't want to be boring everyone if it's not of interest...
Well, I was thinking about how arguments happen online on this board and elsewhere, and it occurred to me it has some things in common with some basic martial arts principles.. First of all, something very basic that nobody seems to think about is that you need to see what your opponent is doing. It seems that often people get upset and are more likely to be focused on that feeling, rather than how they will respond to the other person's argument or actions. (of course, a calm and collected fight probably doesn't make a good movie) In verbal arguments, this can take various forms. Look at it this way: when the same arguments are re-hashed from the two sides over and over again, it becomes old. If you were watching a movie where two guys are using the same moves over and over, would it be interesting to you? Besides, it doesn't get anywhere.
Here's another scenario.. Sometimes people use arguments which are irrelevant, it may sound very good and could be very logical, but it may not address the points the other person is making. Well, it seems to me if you had this in a martial arts film it would be like someone showing off his form without laying a hand on the other guy, I mean it may be nice techniques but you're not responding to anything the other person is doing. I'm sure you'd agree that would be rather silly.
A lot of schools of martial arts have sensitivity training. Wing chun, which is the style Bruce Lee was trained in has it, and Tai Chi which I do also has it in the form of push hands. They talk about sticking and listening energy in push hands, which is really pretty simple: by sticking and maintaining contact with your opponent and "listening" to their moves, you learn to feel what your opponent is doing and respond accordingly in real time rather than just getting caught up in what you're going to do.
Now when it comes to talking or verbal communication, listening is certainly something you actually do, literally, when you talk or communicate with someone. But is it in practice? It seems like sometimes you see people argue, they don't really hear the points the other person is making, so they just go on with their own stuff - not unlike showing off your moves and not actually engaging in a fight. And then there are those occasions when people go over the same basic ideas over and over, not unlike little kids who fight with the same mechanical moves, the standard left-right punches, or maybe like the kid who just got out of Karate class kicking the doors at the mall. (the door is inanimate of course, but it does swing back)
So looking at it that way, it seems rather comical to me. But of course people get hurt, both emotionally and physically. I think another similarity here is where flexibility comes in, as well as rooting. In martial arts, you want to have a low center of gravity and be rooted so you can use your weight in your favor, rather than throwing the four limbs about wildly in a fit of frenzy. You also want to be flexible and supple, that allows you to redirect the opponent's energy - otherwise you're using force against force. In a way a verbal conflict is similar, because your arguments should have some kind of solid foundation, and at the same time you want to be flexible instead of being rigid and stiffen up because that's tough, that's strength.. That may be true, but it may not get you anywhere, especially if you have no real foundation to rely on, and eventually you might end up hurting yourself by holding to such a rigid stance.