Maybe there is some hope

by nonamegiven 6 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  nonamegiven

  Well, many of you know my situation very well. I'll give you all an update.

  Wednesday night I told my wife I wasn't going to go to one of the days of our 2 day assembly this weekend. My reason had nothing to do with my doubts, it's because going to the meeting is extreemly depressing for me. I am on anti-depressants and the last 2 months of meeting has had a very detremental effect on me and I told her I just can't take a whole weekend of 'love'. That got us talking............

  I had to try very hard to watch what I say because I don't want to be labeled an apostate, I want to to receive what I say with an open mind (well, at least opened a crack). I tried to not say anything about inconsistancies, changed beliefs or anything else, just on my viewpoint on DF'ing. Anyway, we talked for quite a while and I told her that I may not continue as a JW and that I would never try to convert her (wink, wink) but I want her love and respect no matter what beliefs I have. She said she would.

  Now, what really surprised me was that she told me she has had serious doubts in the past and if she can't find a answer she will just wait on Jah. The fact that she aknowledges that she has doubts is very encouraging to me. One thing that was like hitting my head against a wall was trying to get her to understand there is a difference between the light getting brighter and the light changing. I tried to explain that if the FDS was Jah's ONLY lines of communication there would be NO mistakes or wrong information. She disagreed with me because these men are human. Then I tried an illustration (just like I learned on the ministry school). I travel for work quite a bit so I said "if I'm on the road and I call home and am talking to you, then I ask you to tell Jake to go to bed but I hear you tell him to go outside and play I'm going to hear that and I will correct you and make sure you tell him to go to bed. That is because you are my only line of communication between me and my son and I'm going to make sure that what I want to say is being communicated 100% right). She was silent, I think I got her thinking.
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  Check_Your_Premises

  There is always hope. I think the ones who are most bombastic are the ones with some of the greatest doubts.

  You are just going to have to be REALLY patient. Reading Hassan's books gives you the impression that there is some sort of fool proof method that you can apply and you will acheive a desired result.

  This is probably true, but you have NO idea how long it will take before they are ready to ask the tough questions. You can't force them one bit. That is the frustrating part.

  The trick is to steel yourself emotionally such that you can work desperately for something, which the outcome is of the highest significance, yet not be discouraged one bit if it ever happens.

  Not easy.

  Hang in there bro, you have many fellow travelers.

  CYP
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  AudeSapere

  ask you to tell Jake to go to bed but I hear you tell him to go outside and play I'm going to hear that and I will correct you and make sure you tell him to go to bed. That is because you are my only line of communication between me and my son and I'm going to make sure that what I want to say is being communicated 100% right

  What a GREAT analogy. I'm convinced...! Oh wait. I already was. heheh

  Still, I had not heard this analogy before and I like it.

  I'm sure someone has already directed you to other posters who were in your situation fairly recently.

  In case you haven't already read it, ithinkisee documented his (successful~~!) process here on JWD. You can find this threads by going to 'Member Directory' at the top of the screen and searching for ithinkisee. There are quite a few others, but this is the one that I followed from the very beginning. (The bikini-clad ape was really, really hard to ignore.)

  We look forward to more hopeful posts from you.

  -Aude Sapere (Meaning: Dare to Know; Dare to Have Wisdom/Understanding)
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  fullofdoubtnow

  Hi noname,

  It sounds like a bit of progress anyway, and you hopefully got her thinking with your illustration.

  And she admits to having had serious doubts in the past. I know from experience that doubts can become impossible to ignore eventually, and waiting on jah doesn't always cure them.

  You will need patience, but maybe in time she will see the org for what it is. I hope so.

  good luck

  Linda
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  drew sagan

  There is lots of hope, you just have to take your time and not rush ahead of yourself.
  
  I've looked through some of your other posts. Have you gotten some of the books many on the board have suggested for you to get? Knowing the deep fundamental problems that exisit in the organization is going to be key to your own progress. I think you have a long way to go in this area and would suggest that you take your time to learn all that is really going on with the history and theology of this organization, and why it cannot be trusted.
  
  Once you have helped yourself to get out %100 mentally, you can start to help her out.
  
  Your in a tough situation with the meetings and everything else. Personally if I where in your situation I would be doing what is in the best interest of my wife. Having her go to meetings while her 'weak' husband stays at home would not be the kind of stress I would want to be giving her. I would try to be as helpful as possible. You have all the time in the world to work on getting her to open up. Right now she needs your support. Be a good husband and take your time.
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  drew sagan

  Just wanted to also add that I think what you talked about with her is good, but I wouldn't go any further for now. I had the problem of letting to much out to soon and my wife went into information overload.
  
  I also feel that preparation is key. Things that where well documented and presented in a very easy to understand and resonable way where taken much better than conversations where I kept saying "I just have these questions". Pretty soon she will start getting angry about 'all these questions'. Better to not present them as questions as much as they are just totally obvious holes that don't make sense.
  
  But I think you are a long way off from all of that. I just wanted to thow it out there.
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  nonamegiven

  Thanks Drew (and all of you). When we were talking I was trying SOO HARD not to say too much. Actually I think I did say more than I should have a few times. Thanks for your help, I appreciate it.

  I will keep you all posted but like Drew said, I'm a long way off from there. In the meantime, I'm compiling papers that will keep my thoughts in order. When I talk to her I think it's important to come to her in the state of mind I'm in now (questioning, exploring, learning) rather than the state I will be in many months from now (resenting, hating, frothing haha). I logged onto this site looking for information and something to fill the void but now I'm trying to save myself and my family. Thank you all soo much.