Lawyer Humour

Clam

A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me
$500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?"

"Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer.

"Nope," replied the man.

"Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owed
you," said the lawyer.

"But it's only $500," replied the man.

"Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will have the
proof we need to nail him."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in
making money."

"Why do you say that?"

"Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up at night and
thinking about your case: $250’."

fullofdoubtnow

I like the first one best, Clam. I will have to remember that one for if anyone tries to cheat me lol.

Honesty

The reason rattlesnakes don't bite lawyers.

Professional courtesy.

Clam

. . . and they say 99% of lawyers give all the others a bad name.

bebu

I know that we have a couple lawyers here on the board, and I REALLY admire one of them in particular (stillconcerned, who is one of the lawyers prosecuting the child abuse cases in CA).

Here is a sly joke aimed at the ones who are nothing like her:

(ahem)

Q: What do you have when a lawyer is up to his neck in concrete?

A: Not enough concrete.

bebu

XU

what's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.

Clam

A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong
evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the
defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his
client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you
all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch. "Within one
minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into
this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The
jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute
passed. Nothing happened.

Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous
statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I
therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in
this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that
you return a verdict of not guilty."

The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate. A few
minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict
of guilty.

"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some
doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."

The jury foreman replied: "Yes, we did look, but your
client didn't."

diamondblue1974

Just redress the balance

What's the difference between a lawyer and a computer nerd?

Sooner or later everyone needs a lawyer

DB74

Lawyer Humour

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