I'm slowly beginning to think that much of what we do is led by something, or at least prompted by something. Since I moved to the SE i began to indulge in things that I enjoyed - mostly it was playing RPG's both computer based and the real 'nasty, evil, satan worshipping' pen and paper types. I remember how, when I first expressed an interest in playing dungeons and dragons when I was about 12 - 13yrs old my study conductor pulled out the article in the asleep (i think it was) that ran through why it was evil!!! never stopped me runnning a regular group for a half dozen 'brothers and sisters' of my age for about 2 years. Some study group that was. Anyway I digress....
Late last year I was having lots of problems with sleeping and after running through the usual scientific options of having tonsils out, having my palette(sp?) cut open and made softer, i was introduced to a lady who my boss described as a white witch. Obviously with the borg programming i really didnt like the idea of this but after 2 months of some bad experiences through having no sleep i went to see her. Since then ive discovered a large number of my new friend base are all spiritually aware. Not in the religious sense, but i have friends who are reiki masters, spiritual healers, confirmed spiritualist priests or people who hold stock in a lot of mediumship. Even my hairdresser's brother is a reiki master. (hes well into spiritual mediumship and clairvoyance)
Well about 4 months ago i woke to see a white woman in my bedroom. no it wasnt the missus. As i said hello I witnessed it fading out to nothing. Since then ive discovered that i am beginning to be spiritually awakened but something was blocking it....
well its easy to work out what blocked it - the borg collective programming lingering in my mind. Last wednesday I met with a spiritual healer, a reiki master and at least two other people who are spirituall aware. For the first time ever I admitted to someone else what i had been and how it made me feel. The next step was the post i made last week. What is interesting though was a discussion i had with my mum about 6 weeks earlier. Now bear in mind it was her who brought me up in the borg, who forced me to go to meetings ad naseum. She knew about the woman I saw and asked me a couple of questions which evolved into a weird, yet comforting discussion for 3 hours...
Essentially my mum sees things in dreams that come true, my nan - also a baptised witness - sees a white spirit guide on a regular basis, and we think my little sister sees as well. She told me she kept it all secret because of the troof. But, I shouldnt be worried because why shouldnt we be able to see things? feel things? afterall if id seen jesus (which i did, but thats another story) would he reveal himself to me if it was of the devil? all this from my mum who i hadnt felt comfortable discussing my visitation with for fear of gettin into a religious argument about JW's.
So here I am, on a mission now to explore the true meaning of spiritual, and finally thanks to this forum and all of you here i can actually begin to relax and enjoy the journey. I've only been fighting it for about 9 years it would seem so now as i slowly heal from the past i can look ahead to what i really need to accomplish.That said, I think there was a purpose (perverse as it may have been) for me to be indoctrinated by the dubs. Perhaps in time the reason for it will be made clear. So a big thank you all for allowing me to conclude and close off a chapter of my life. its much appreciated. Hopefully i can assist others here to release themselves and no what ever i choose to believe ill not be spouted.
PS the formatting problem is a firefox 2.0 issue it would appear. As I write it correctly in the space and when submitted it has no formatting. This is corrected in IE7.0