. . . what strategies work to help them find alternatives? I have little nephews whose lives could be improved, but I feel powerless, impotent (because of the shunning) to really help in any way. I know that my sister and even my crazy parents want what's best for the kids, but they don't seem competent to figure out what's best and I doubt I could prove my opinion in court. I just stay away because it all disturbs me too much. I have sent the family literature and brochures from silentlambs and I can't think of much else to do. I also have pretty much cut off my own contact with them for the sake of my own mental health (and they shun me anyway, so it's best). I just wish I could help my nephews, (and all of the adults, too), but I feel most sorry for the boys because I recall a lonely, miserable childhood as a JW. They seem so tender and vulnerable and the adults seem so blind. I fear they are all unreachable.
When Someone You Love Is An Abuser . . .
by Madame Quixote 7 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
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bikerchic
There is nothing absolutely nothing that should ever stand in your way of protecting children from abuse. You can always report it to child protective services.
If it's spiritual abuse well that is another matter and it's best not to butt into the parents parental rights to raise their children and instruct them in their religious beliefs. The children will be able to make a decision when they reach an age of reasoning. There aren't too many teenagers who stay in the b'Org now days.
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Madame Quixote
I totally agree, and like I said, if it was something I could prove, I'd report it in a heart beat. The physical abuse (in my presence) amounted to nothing more than chronic threatening of spankings and a few smacks, (which a lot of people believe is okay, including social workers), but the mental abuse is terrible. I wish I could do something, but like you said, "parental rights." What about childrens' rights to live without constant fear? I hate it for them. I want them to be whole and I feel hopeless to help them. I want to be whole, and as long as this crap continues in my own family, I feel it is impossible. I've had a couple drinks and tears are streaming down my face as I write this. Sometimes I feel so disgusted about it. Anyway, you are right. There is apparently no solution to the problem of children being brought up in cult religions, unless you can prove physical abuse and/or neglect. And if you're being shunned and you're on the outside, good luck with that.
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Scully
When you are in a belief system that is terror and fear based, and loaded with constant threats on your life, it would be difficult for a parent to not use those same tactics on their children.
If you've got "god" threatening to destroy you if you do X, Y or Z and don't do A, B, and C, a spanking hardly seems like a big deal by comparison.
I know JW parents who have rationalized their form of discipline just that way. I was even told that if I turned my back on The Truth™, my kids would be better off if I took them out in the back yard and blew their heads off with a gun.
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blondie
I would suggest contacting organizations in your area that help friends and family members know how to report child abusers in their family and in the neighborhood.
Blondie
(I would also realize that abusers are everywhere in every walk of life, in every religious group and that children need to be educated to protect themselves as well)
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Madame Quixote
Who or what is responsible for putting a pop-up link/advertisement in the middle of my post? I saw something like this at a breast cancer post earlier today and thought the poster herself put it up. There was an ad for some alternative (probably crap) treatments, as if the woman who'd recovered from breast cancer had put it there herself! This is totally unacceptable to me, and I would like it to stop immediately, or I (and probably others) will stop posting on this forum. I WILL NOT be an advertising WHORE, regardless of the cause (even for my favorite ex-jw forum)! This is absolutely unacceptable. Is anyone else noticing this happening, or did I pick up some kind of virus?!!!
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misguided
Who or what is responsible for putting a pop-up link/advertisement in the middle of my post?
I noticed this, too. It's picking up key words in the posts and linking them to ads. I think that I can ignore it for the sake of keeping the board free and making this board possible.
However, back to your Subject...
When I was "stuck" with my abusive JW husband, one of the best things that someone (one of the kids teacher's) did was call child protection services.
What a relief it was when I was told I had to have him out of the home by 3pm February 22, 1999 or my children would go into foster care. He could not understand why I'd choose my children over HIM!!! He has now served a 30-day sentence and 1 years probation for some of the things he did to us AFTER this happened. What had happened before was worse.
I just didn't understand that what he was doing to us was criminal. I didn't think I had any options, I felt hopeless. The JW's didn't help - even when they saw severe bruising on my son's back from a beating he gave him with a shoe.
My advice is to step in. I suspect that for a while she might be angry with you. But in time, with the help she'll get from people who really do help will eventually lead to a thank you. The kids will thank you, too.
I recently had the opportunity to thank the teacher that reported our situation. She actually teared up and said she'd often wondered if she'd done the right thing. I gave her a hug and assured her - it was if she was an angel to my kids and myself.
Rose
