Well it is has been about a month now since one of my closest friends died of a heart attack. He was not 40 yet. We were raised together as brother and sister because our mothers were best friends. I will not give away much detail because his family are still strong JWs and his wife is an active JW as well. However, he had stopped going long before I stopped going.
He was like a brother to me and even when I was still "strong" and he had left, we were still very close. He was a wonderful guy who was always there for anyone and everyone. Even though I did not always agree w/ his choice of activities, I always loved him and let him know that. We were your typical brother and sister and in that we fought with intensity but we always had each other's back.
I would have to say that his funeral was amazing. There were people from all walks of life and there were people who showed up that were both active JWs and DF'd JWs. My friend showed no bias towards who was in and who was out. I was happy to see that his family did not reflect the ignorance of the religion because at that time, we were all morning the loss of a loved one.
The down side was that stupid funeral talk, which we all know is a chance for JWs to "witness" to others. I did not find it comforting but instead wanted to scream.
I do not remember experiencing such a loss in my life. Maybe because he loved me for who I am and nothing more. Maybe because there were no strings attached to our relationship. We talked about our life and our loves. He was a great sounding board. He was a gentle listener and a fierce friend. He was the shoulder I cried on my entire life and now I wonder whose shoulder I will cry on now. He was the one that would calm me down when my Irish was up. He was the one that would whup someone's arse who dared to talk trash about me. He was my brother in the truest sense of the word. I will miss him horribly.
I found no comfort in the words of the guy who gave the funeral talk. I found no comfort in the words of the JWs who stood around me "comforting" me. Oh I agree, death is an enemy, but so are the JWs and their false words of comfort. Their barbs of "that is why you need to be strong, so you can see your loved ones in the new system". The emotional black mail. My friend and I use to laugh over this and walk away. But I was left there to stand amongst these crazies as they spoke their double talk with their forked tongues and their fake concern. I was an army of one because he was not there next to me to make me laugh at their words.
I can barely write this for the tears continue to flow, just not as often or as heavily as when I first found out about his death. His energy is out there and I know in moments of darkness he is present in my life, if not in life's energy, then in his memory. But for right now the hurt is deep and present. As his mother said to me, "[you] have no regrets because you two always let each other know how much you meant to one another ... he knew he was loved by you and you were very special to him".
Life if short. Don't let a moment pass to say what needs to be said to your loved ones, because you never know when the moment passes if you will get the chance to do it again.
Peace and Love
L_G
