Therapy or Another Religion?

by Victor_E 2 Replies latest jw friends

  • Victor_E
    Victor_E

    While there may be some exceptions the majority of ex JWs that leave or that are dfed suffer from deep emotional wounding from their JW experience. What choices does a person have being in this situation and what are the long-term consequences of their decisions?

    Do nothing: This in and of itself is a choice. Depending on the level of pain and other variables, some will turn to doing things that are an act of rebellion. They do things that are totally contrary to the Watchtower’s morals, such as drugs, promiscuity, alcohol, and the like. While this may feel good for the time being, in the end this type of behavior only serves to anesthetize and postpone dealing with the root cause of the pain.

    Seek professional help: Some go into therapy; this has an upside and a downside to it. The upside is that therapy works the downside is that it is very costly and it may take a serious commitment to find a skilled therapist that really understands mind control. This process may take years, some run out of money and strength to stay the course.

    Some join another religion: This works also and just like the above it has it’s upside and downside. A “loving nonjudgmental and gentle congregation” if such a thing exists can serve as great therapy. The downside can be that the patterns from being a JW are merely transferred to the new church, much like a person who divorces carrying their emotional baggage into the new marriage repeating the same dysfunctional patterns. Coming out of the JWs a person is vulnerable to being influenced to make choices that may not be for their long-term highest good.

    Some process their JW experience via the Internet: The Internet can also serve as two sides of the same coin. Some become prolific writers of their experience and some become quite good. While this produces good feelings especially finding camaraderie with kindred spirits it can become a trap. Some spend years staying stuck on a certain level of evolutionary growth.

    Some return to the JWs: Facing choices that require commitment, time, energy, and resources some opt out for the easiest choice much like a battered woman returning to the abuser. The pain of being alone and shunned is greater than being abused some more.

  • jukief
    jukief

    I did two of the things you list, well, sort of.

    1) I went to therapy for about a year. It helped a lot.

    2) I joined a non-religion--the UUs. UU isn't really a religion because it doesn't have any dogma and its members include Christians and atheists (and everything inbetween), but it does replace that empty hole left by lack of fellowship and wanting to be part of a group. I like their community spirit and desire to help others. Of course, I haven't gone to a UU meeting in a long time, but that's the great part about it--I don't have to feel guilty if I don't go.

    Julie F

  • Esmeralda
    Esmeralda

    Hi Victor,

    Another excellent post!

    I chose to process my experiences via the net and identified with what you said here:

    While this produces good feelings especially finding camaraderie with kindred spirits it can become a trap. Some spend years staying stuck on a certain level of evolutionary growth.

    That is the point I felt I got to being so deadly serious about the subject all the time. That's why I took my website offline. I can't spend too much time getting 'stuck'. Now I visit this board to chat, keep up with news and give an encouraging word or two where I can, when I can while still getting on with my life. I can't try to 'save' people anymore. I've finally realized that its not my job, and was a carry over from the indoctrination that I had as a child.

    Whatever path a person takes, to a new religion, therapy, or any other, the main point is just to heal, however you can. Because growing, changing, and becoming happy is the real point, isn't it?

    :)

    Peace
    essie

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