Appreciating true spiritual freedom - a word to our newbies!

by diamondblue1974 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  diamondblue1974

  I remember my feelings of bewilderment when I first read through threads on JWD back in February 2005; by then I had been an exJW for over a decade. I must have been at my PC for two days solid while I just read and read. It was impossible to take everything in, but I couldnt stop reading and couldnt stop taking in all the information this site contained.

  I remember the initial fear I felt too, like reading about other's experiences was an act of rebellion or evil. Looking back things have changed considerably for me in many ways such as finding 'somebody' who truly loves and adores me as well as understanding my history. Of course the start of a new spiritual journey began in that February.

  The time spent reading caused me to re-evaluate my whole belief system and I decided as a result to break down every single belief I ever held; it was like starting with a blank sheet of paper and starting all over again - I found the whole experience at this stage refreshing and liberating.

  Consider the difference between having all your beliefs dictated to you by an organisation and now having the freedom to research properly and objectively and form your own beliefs- its amazing.

  I cannot express enough how much gratitude I have for the owners of this site and for the posters who care enough to post on a wide variety of subjects. JWD has allowed me to escape the mental chains of being a Jehovahs Witness and has enabled me to grow into the person I am today. This site and my continued research has helped me realise that true spirituality has nothing to do with religion or the rules that religion often imposes on its members; also realising that I was not a spiritual wreck for not getting the national average hours in or placing a certain amount of magazines was liberating and refreshing.

  As I have had some time to reflect I realise just how much I appreciate my spiritual freedom and I will never let another organisation dictate to any degree what I can believe, read or think.

  For our newbies (and whoever cares to post) where has your research led you and how do you now feel about your history as a JW.

  Gary
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  jaguarbass

  Hello Diamondblue this is where my research has taken me this week.

  http://www.amazon.com/God-Theory-Universes-Zero-point-Fields/dp/1578633745/sr=1-1/qid=1166360188/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-9793210-6162352?ie=UTF8&s=books

  The God Theory: Universes, Zero-point Fields, And What's Behind It All (Hardcover) by Bernard Haisch
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  Namasti

  Gary, Oh how I can relate to what you are saying and that is why I have always felt that it is not enough to just accept living as an inactive JW. For all those who (for reasons they don't even fully understand) have stopped attending meeting but are now stuck in a limbo-kind of dilemma, my wish to them is to find real freedom by doing just as you did and as I also did. Yes, it's necessary to start from scratch, read all kinds of spiritual/religious info or whatever it takes to release the JW mindset and taste true freedom. It is an indescribable joy. I am so grateful that I did what I had to do to now live in freedom. Now 15 years later I still I'm still in awe of how trapped and blind I was and didn't even know it. Gary, it just gets better and better and oh so much better. Thank you for sharing your inspiring discovery.

  Namasti
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  esw1966

  where has your research led you and how do you now feel about your history as a JW.

  My journey began in March of 2005 as well. I had been a jw for 30 years, ages 9-39. I had gotten df'd a second time, my marriage had just ended, and I was determined to figure out why I was the way I was and what was really true and what was not. My experiences as a jw made me feel as if I just couldn't please Jehovah no matter how hard I wanted to. I was exerting myself, but I kept screwing up! Thus came depression....

  For 6 months I was convinced that I was going back! I knew it was the 'truth'. Where else could I go???

  I saw a book at Barnes and Noble that was entitled, "An Awakening of a Jehovah's Witness". I peered into it and it didn't seem as if she was telling lies about the organization, so I thought it would be hypocritical to not read it. It really helped me to see things more clearly.

  Then came religious podcasts. Soon I began getting a sense of things. Then this site!!!

  Now I go to 2 community churches a weekend and I just LOVE them!!! They are online at ctkbellingham.com and cornwallchurch.com and are each available on iTunes. I also love listening to The Daily Audio Bible on iTunes!

  I LOVE my new Christian Freedom!!! I LOVE having Christ in my life and NOT the wts!!!

  Two years ago, I NEVER would have imagined myself in this position! I was always the good boy who listened to everything and followed everyone's orders.

  For the first time in my life I have felt JOY and EXHILERATION! For the first time, I feel like a man. Embarrassing to say, but before I always was a follower and trying to be accepted. Now I make my own decisions.

  Ethan
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  avidbiblereader

  esw1966 I know exactly what you mean, I love your post when you said

  LOVE my new Christian Freedom!!! I LOVE having Christ in my life and NOT the wts!!!

  Likewise I feel the freedom of what the Bible says, you were called to freedom. I would have to say that as a witness it was the most enslaving thing I ever done. I now have a personal relationship with Jah and Christ. I know love, joy, peace and the fruitages of the HS like never before. It is truly remarkable. I feel like the first time in my whole life like I know that I have a sure future and I now know the God of the Bible as never before. I may be a newbie on the site and it is wonderful to post and read everyones viewpoints and exp online, but I have felt this freedom for the last 4-6 years. I thank God daily for what he has provided since being booted through the WT uprights.

  abr
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  choosing life

  Very nice post. I too really appreciate the feedom that I have found in all areas of life. When I first realized that I was starting from scratch, I had a deep sense of being the age that I was when I had joined the JWs. My family even told me that I was acting like a teenager. Well, in a mental sense, I felt like I had been transported back to that time when I had given over my right to make my own choices to some organization.

  Now I was working from a fresh perspective on all the big questions of life and many small ones too. I had to take responsibility for my own decisions and not run to someone elses interpretations. This was not always easy, but it is very rewarding. I had to come to terms with the thirty years I had been heavily influenced to make choices that I otherwise would not have made. I can't get those years back, but I look to many free ones to replace them.

  Still a lot of growing and deciding to do, but it is exciting to be able to do just that, decide for myself. Best wishes to all on here as they continue to grow in their precious freedom.
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  Tyrone van leyen

  When I left, there was nothing but oblivion. My entire structure collapsed. As a condemed man, I was really running away, but didn't know anything else. There was nothing else. My mindset was such that, I felt if i'm a dead man, I might as well do all I can to enjoy whatever before I croak. The end result would be the same anyways. I had no one at all to turn to, family included. I even tried going back, but was ignored and humiliated for a year. I sought the help of phychiatrists but it only ended up with me screaming and yelling at him for 6 months.It was too intense! Not only that but my family tried everything they could to discourage me from this. I have hitch hiked across Canada with zero dollars and seen the darker side. Many close calls on my life. I have lived in poverty in many seedy areas and seen nothing but ugly. My depression and anger grow daily. To this day I have never celebrated anything and I am 40 years old. All my relationships have fallen apart. I have been hanging in suspended animation for 20 years. I have met many ex jws on the streets many turned to a criminal mind. One of my ex jw freinds did 10 years for armed robbery in kingston pen. There are people who have become deeply disturbed and may never recover. I actually had crisis of consceince in my hands as early as 1990 but never got too far with from the constant bombardment of my family. I still hesitate to post my bio as well. This forum has been the most uplifting and enlightening source of healing I have ever encountered. It's not a bed of roses for everybody and it doesn't alway's have a happy ending. As I have said before they are slaughterers of the mind and soul.