People, who have an addiction to religion like JWs will experience severe withdrawal upon existing or being disfellowshipped, much like a drug addict or an alcoholic. If you are an addict you must educate yourself in understanding your illness and seek out professional assistance. What follows is a checklist of symptoms that lead to relapse, thus returning to the coercive environment of JWs.
1. Exhaustion. Allowing yourself to become overly tired or in poor health. Some persons upon leaving swing like a pendulum from one extreme to the other. They do all the things they were told not to do, it’s like they are trying to make up for lost time. Good health and enough rest are important. If you feel good, you are more apt to think well. Feel poor and your thinking is apt to deteriorate. Feel bad enough and you might begin thinking that God is punishing you, when in reality you are punishing your physicality.
2. Dishonesty. This begins with a pattern of unnecessary little lies and deceits with fellow workers, friends, and family. Then come important lies to yourself. This is called rationalization, making excuses for not doing what you do not want to do, or for doing what you know you should not. You need to understand that the JWs programmed you to be a liar. Righteous lying was something that was taught and encouraged in you, day in and day out. Being out you must find your own code of integrity and this will take time.
3. Impatience. Things are not happening fast enough. Or others are not doing what they should or what you want them to. You must realize that the brainwashing process was very gradual and it will take some time to undo the programming done to you.
4. Argumentativeness. Arguing small and ridiculous points of view indicates a need to always be right. This trait will manifest itself in many ways. The Watchtower programmed you to be right and this led to you becoming self-righteous. In your tenacity to be right you may discount important facts about the JWs that would expand your myopic perspective. If you are stuck in this stage you must move on.
5. Depression. Unreasonable and unaccountable despair may occur in cycles and should be dealt with, talked about. If you cannot afford therapy, talk to a trusted friend, or call a local hotline for depression. Many agencies and outreach programs staff hot lines with social workers that are qualified interns.
6. Frustration. At people and also because things may not be going your way. Remember, everything is not going to be just the way you want it.
7. Self-Pity. “Why do these things happen to me?” “Why must I be suffering if I am right?” This is a dangerous trap, because you think God is punishing you or he has abandoned you. The reality is you are just going through a necessary phase of turmoil in your recovery path.
8. Cockiness. Got it made, no longer fear any after affects of exiting, going to see JW family to prove to others you have no problem. You may be putting yourself at risk and in danger of dredging up feelings that you may not know how to deal with.
9. Complacency. You find little to no purpose in your life and you start to miss the positive aspects of the JW activities. Now that you are out you can focus on feeding your mind, there are many outlets for you to do this. Check out any continuing education classes on subjects that resonate with you.
10. Expecting too much from others. If you have JW relatives you may expect them to treat you with love, dignity and respect but this is very unrealistic. If they do it’s a plus but if they don’t it is still your problem if you make it your problem. You cannot expect your relatives and friends to understand you and much less be sympathetic to you.
11. Letting up on things that have worked for you. In exiting there are actions you take to feel good. Regardless of what these are whether it’s prayer, exercise, meditation, reading, socializing, etc, this is a form of therapy for you.
12. Wanting too much. You set unrealistic goals that you cannot reach. Most people overestimate what they can do short term but they underestimate what they can do long term. You must have a plan of what you want in your life and you must work your plan. You will get what you are entitled to as long as you do your best, but maybe not as soon as you think you should.
13. Forgetting gratitude. You may be looking negatively on your life, concentrating on problems that still are not totally corrected. Nobody wants to be a Pollyanna, but it is good to remember where you started from, and how much better life is now.
14. Omnipotence. This is a feeling that results from a combination of many of the above. You now have all the answers for yourself and others. No one can tell you anything. You ignore suggestions or advice from more experienced ex-JWs.
When one or more of these traits exist in you, your emotional well being will be affected leading you to all kind of irrational thoughts like going back home to the JWs who may have been the root cause of your painful existence.
Victor Escalante