I believe in miracles...

by Confession 8 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Confession
    Confession

    Do you? Did you as a JW? On this subject I have considered the perspective of many JWs (and plenty of others) pretty ridiculous--both now and when I was a zealous JW. Consider this fictitious (but fairly realistic) interview...

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    HOST: So, Sister Applebee, I understand you had a remarkable experience recently...

    SIS: Oh yes! Well let me start at the beginning.

    HOST: Please do.

    SIS: Okay, well it was just last month when Henry and I--Henry's my husband--we received this unexpected tax bill in the mail. It seems we made some kind of mistake, and we owed the government $314.

    HOST: $314. Well that was quite a bit, wasn't it?

    SIS: I should say so! Especially for those of us on a fixed income! Henry didn't attend college. The Society's always frowned upon it you know.

    HOST: Yes I know. So what did you do?

    SIS: Well I prayed to Jehovah.

    HOST: I see; very good then. So you and your husband prayed to Jehovah for some help with the tax bill, and--

    SIS: Actually, no, only I prayed. Henry's an unbeliever now.

    HOST: Oh! So sorry to hear.

    SIS: It all started when he got that darn computer onto the internet. Ever since then it's pedophile-this and UN-NGO-that, 607-coverup-here, false prophecy-there...

    HOST: Goodness, how do you cope with it all?

    SIS: Brother, I just shut my eyes and pray with all my might for Jehovah to completely shut my mind down!

    HOST: Good for you, sister! But we're getting sidetracked here...

    SIS: Okay, back to it then. I prayed to Jehovah, asking him to help us with this tax bill for $314. And he answered my prayer. He really did! You know, a lot of folks don't think it happens. It always just grinds me!

    HOST: What's that?

    SIS: That some people don't think Jehovah still performs miracles today. They'll claim that it's all a coincidence, it's just in my head.

    HOST: I see, and that bothers you...

    SIS: Of course it does! (mocking) "Oh, it's all a coincidence, it's just in your heeeaaad," they say. But that's only because they've never had their prayer answered by Jehovah like I have.

    HOST: You're probably right about that. But do go on with the experience.

    SIS: All-right-a-rooney! So I just finish up with my prayer, and you won't believe this, but INSTANTLY Jehovah put the thought into my mind that I should ask Sister Arliss VonFintel for a loan.

    HOST: Very good. So did you?

    SIS: I did. And, of course, Arliss has money--but she's not one to let it go easily. She pinches a penny so hard it makes Lincoln cry!

    HOST: That bad, huh?

    SIS: Yes, in fact there was a joke going around about how Arliss is so cheap her guest bedroom has a pay smoke alarm!

    HOST: That's very funny, but again we're--

    SIS: Oh, I'm sorry. So wouldn't you know it, Arliss decides to give me a loan!

    HOST: Really, so she let you borrow the $314?

    SIS: Not exactly. She only let me have $200. So I prayed to Jehovah again. And AGAIN he miraculously supplied me with an idea!

    HOST: No kidding? What was that?

    SIS: The idea Jehovah gave me was to take my husband Henry's coin collection to our local coin & stamp dealer to see what I could get for it.

    HOST: And?

    SIS: And they gave me exactly $100 for it!

    HOST: That's wonderful! And that was good of Henry to give up his coin collection.

    SIS: Well he didn't exactly find out about it until later...

    HOST: Uh oh...

    SIS: Right. Haven't seen Henry for a coupla days. Apparently his dusty old coin collection was actually worth several thousand dollars. Guess the local coin dealer must've pulled a fast one on me! Henry didn't seem at all impressed with Jehovah's miracle. He's one of those, "It's all a coincideeence, it's just in your heeeaaad!" kinda folks. So Henry's cooling off at the Holiday Inn up the street for awhile.

    HOST: That's really unfortunate. Anyway, you got the $200 loan from Arliss VonFintel, you sold your husband's invaluable coin collection for $100... What about the remaining $14?

    SIS: This required another prayer to Jehovah. I prayed so hard I thought my eyeballs would pop straight out of my noggin! And this one took awhile. But it was about 6:30pm, right after Henry finished packing his suitcase and squeeled off to the Holiday Inn, that I happened to be putting some socks in his sock drawer.

    HOST: Yes?

    SIS And--lo and behold--in one of his argyles I found a ten dollar bill and four ones!!!

    HOST: That's amazing!

    SIS: Yes, yes it is! Jehovah will always provide for his loyal ones!

    HOST: So let's get this straight then. You got a tax bill for $314, and prayed to Jehovah?

    SIS: Yes!

    HOST: He caused you to think of asking a wealthy sister for a loan, and she gave you--not the full amount--but $200?

    SIS: Yes!

    HOST: Then you prayed to Jehovah again, and he put it into your mind to go sell your husband's priceless coin collection for $100?

    SIS: Oh yes!

    HOST: Then, after your unbelieving husband raced angrily to get away from you, you rummaged through his sock drawer and found fourteen bucks?

    SIS: Well I actually found twenty, but let's keep that quiet; it makes the story so much better!

    HOST: (wink) Our little secret!

    SIS: Thanks!

    HOST: Well I really have to say, Sister Applebee, you are a shining example of how Jehovah does provide. So have you spoken to Arliss since this happened?

    SIS: Actually no, I'm going to kinda steer clear of her for awhile.

    HOST: Why is that?

    SIS: Well I sorta promised her I'd pay her back the next day, and of course that wasn't gonna happen...

    HOST: Oooo, that doesn't seem like--

    SIS: It was all part of Jehovah's answer to my prayer. Look, the woman's got plenty of money. She can wait six or eight months. She'll be fine.

    HOST: Okay, well what about Henry? How long before you think he'll cool down?

    SIS: Well I'm praying to Jehovah about that one. Henry actually claims he's not coming back; claims he's divorcing me.

    HOST: Good lord, no!

    SIS: But I don't worry about such things. As my experience clearly shows: Jehovah will provide! He has never left anyone righteous completely!

    HOST: Well, Sister Applebee, you entered into a verbal contract with Arliss VonFintel under false pretenses, and you sort of "stole" your husband's coin collection... I'm not sure that's technically "righteous." What do you have to say about that?

    SIS: Two words: Spiritual Warfare.

    HOST: Spiritual Warfare?

    SIS: Exactly! The Society has always said that it isn't wrong to lie when it comes to accomplishing Jehovah's purposes.

    HOST: So you think paying your tax bill was "accomplishing Jehovah's purposes?"

    SIS: Clearly! Otherwise why would he have provided for me so miraculously!?!?!

    HOST: Okay, let's just wrap it up here. So it would appear you've lost a long-time friend and your husband's divorcing you, but you did get the $314.

    SIS: Certainly did--with Jehovah's help!

    HOST: I wonder, Sister Applebee... What about other people, people who aren't Jehovah's Witnesses? Often they have similar experiences. Miraculous events occur just when they need them to--and they attribute them to God as well. What do you say about those people?

    SIS: Just a coincidence, it's all in their head.

    HOST: Gotcha...

  • searching4truth
    searching4truth

    thats pretty funny and not to far fetched. Recently in a phone conversation mind grandmother recounted all the things Jehovah had done for me throughout my life, it was almost unbearable not to laugh (or vomit).

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Dear Confession,

    "When prayer stops so does coincidence." [source?]

    Your story proves how there is a tendency to spin a yarn, but not necessarily a web of deceit in all cases. There is no way to prove the answer to prayer. Some of my prayers got a yea, many, a nay. I am becoming aware of so many contrasting points of view here at JWD. It never even OCCURRED to me that the Bible could be, well....One thing I think I know maybe, almost nearly, for certain is that God - whose identity I am seeking anew - is not the possession solely of JWs, subject to their vacillating notion of truth.

    The point of your story is well taken. I will refrain in future from discussing my ongoing encounters and conversations with the burning bush.

    CoCo

  • fullofdoubtnow
    fullofdoubtnow

    Good story Confession, and it wouldn't be hard for me to imagine some dubs I've known reasoning like that

  • moshe
    moshe

    Great story- I heard a lot of them over the years at circuit assemblies Like a pioneer sister has a broken-down car and some rich brother just decides to give her a car after she prays about her needs to Jehovah. They never mentioned the other 99 who didn't get the car they prayed for.

  • Confession
    Confession
    I will refrain in future from discussing my ongoing encounters and conversations with the burning bush.

    Oh, don't hesitate, CoCo! That would be far more entertaining than my story!

  • Odrade
    Odrade

    Confession, in the future I'd like it if you'd ask permission before quoting my mother on this discussion board. Thank you.

    ;)

  • Confession
    Confession

    LOL, Odrade! It's the Pure Language. Scads of them talked that way!

  • Confession
    Confession

    Bump...

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