Nosferatu's School of Dating - Lesson 2.0 - Openers

by Nosferatu 4 Replies latest social relationships

  • Nosferatu
    Nosferatu

    Lesson 1.4 is here:
    http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/126615/1.ashx

    Now that we've worked on your mindset toward the world of dating, it's time to start doing some work.

    One of the most difficult problems men have when they approach women is what to talk about. A lot of people say "hello" is the best way to open a woman to conversation, but I disagree. The word "hello" is merely a greeting, and it doesn't do anything to lead into more conversation.

    Also, in the book "The Game", there are a bunch of pre-written openers that you can use to get a woman's attention. However, telling a lie to get a woman's attention only masks your true personality, and if you use an opener that everyone else does, there is the chance that she's heard it before.

    The key to coming up with an opener is to be observant. Over the next week or so, what I'd like you men to do is when you're out in public, doing errands or even going to work, look around and see what kind of conversation starters (or openers) you can come up with just by observing what's around you. There's always the standard talk about weather, but look for things that REALLY stick out. If you see a fur coat store beside an animal shelter, that would make a great opener. Any car accident, or an ambulance driving by can be the subject of an opener. Even the most mediocre thing like a crooked street sign could make a great opener. Use that as your subject, and talk about it. "Gee, that city worker must have had one leg shorter than the other to hang a sign so crooked!" Be as creative as you like, and as funny as you want, just as long as it breaks the silence.

    When commenting on your surroundings to a woman, skip the hello and start with a statement, or better yet, a question.

    "Gee, that city worker must have had one leg shorter than the other to hang a sign so crooked!"

    "Wow, someone must have dropped 12 boxes of plates to make that kind of noise! Did that scare the hell out of you too?" Be as creative as you like, and as funny as you want, just as long as it breaks the silence.

    You can also use the woman's appearance as a subject for an opener. However, DO NOT use a general compliment to start your conversation. For example, "You look very pretty" will only creep her out. Instead, comment on something she's wearing. A good example of this is: "That's an interesting necklace you have on, where did you get that?"

    Approach Anxiety

    Many of you are going to have approach anxiety when you begin approaching women. This is normal especially if you're not used to interacting with strangers. At this stage, we're not even asking the woman for her phone number yet. So for practice, begin approaching strangers - MEN AND WOMEN, OLD AND YOUNG - using the converstation starters that you've thought up. Do this as much as you can within the next little while until you start to become comfortable conversing with people you don't know. You MUST overcome your fear of talking to strangers before you can overcome your fear of asking out a woman.

    The fear you have of talking to strangers most likely comes from your upbringing. What's one thing we learn as children?... Don't talk to strangers! Well, now you're no longer a child, and talking to strangers is essential in your day to day life, so you might as well learn to become comfortable with it.

    Again, I emphasize the NEED to go out and do the work. Go out into public, approach strangers, and start conversations with them. If you don't practice by doing the work, you're dating life isn't going to improve.

  • J-ex-W
    J-ex-W

    Cool...all excellent advice. --And any ex-JW can draw from his own witnessing experience, especially if he was adept at doing this at the doors or--better yet--incidental witnessing!

  • kitten whiskers
    kitten whiskers

    Nos-

    This is good advice for just making friends too! I have a hard time with that and am trying to come out of my shell and extend friendship or accept it. I will try to use this advice too. I find when taking the kids to places like McDonald's for play, some of the other or grandmothers have a knack like this for starting conversations with "strangers". It nice to break down barriers and find conversational topics. Remember as kids, all you had to do was say, "Let's play tag. You're it" and the game was started.

    On the side of dating, I don't have much experience. I am happily married for almost 11 years! In reading your posts on the topic, I agree with much of what you have said for things women like and things that make us run!!!! At least for a woman raised a JW. Starting off too strong with roses and such would make me feel awkward. It would seem like a sign of intimate affection from someone you don't know. However, the boquet of sweet peas my hubby picked from a ditch because he KNEW me well enough to KNOW I loved them, made me so happy! That was when we were dating. I hope though that those who read your threads find the person they want to be with for life, I feel that is the best relationship you could ever be blessed with! Companionship with your Best Friend is wonderful!

    Respectfully, Kitten Whiskers

  • Elsewhere
    Elsewhere

    This morning I was going over some Seduction material when the topic of Open Ended Questions was brought up.

    All of the sudden something clicked for me... this is a major problem for me! As a technical person I have been trained all my life NOT to speak in or ask questions in an open ended fashion because it inherently produces vague and imprecise results. It occurred to me that I rarely if ever asked women open ended questions and as a direct result conversations usually end abruptly with the classic awkward silence and the woman obviously wanting to depart.

    This will be my new goal: Ask more open ended questions.... and keep asking them to keep the woman talking.

    By coincidence, this morning I was "hit on" by a salesman trying to find a mark he could sell to in the downtown financial industry. I immediately recognized the never ending series of open ended questions intended to get me to talk about myself so he could develop a rapport. Since I knew what was going on I was able to turn the tables on him and get him to tell me why he targeted me... he saw me get out of my MINI Cooper and assumed I was a wealthy financial professional who worked in one of the downtown financial buildings. He was sort of right... I do work for a financial company, only I do web development for them. It was a dead end for him so he quickly departed.

  • JamieL
    JamieL

    All excellent advice. I have loved hearing all these things. I see somethings good that I already do, and somethings really bad that I have done before.

    There was actually a time when I was confident enough to just start talking to people, I had an orbit and could just get people to gravitate to me. But that all got washed away, trying to get it back.

    I got into the situation where my life was someone else, and it wasn't the right someone else. And it did all come crashing down in a big pile. I was so happy before her...don't know what I was thinking.

    I'd really like to get back to that thing I had.

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