I am no longer a Jehovah's Witness. I stopped believing about a year and a half ago. I have been quietly fading into the background and I don't think I will get disfellowshipped any time soon because of various different reasons. I think, tho, that people have already been talking bad about me, but nothing official. My father is inactive, and my brother-in-law is just too lazy to go. My sister, my best friend, and my mother are fairly strong, or are fighting to become strong.
There are times when I appreciate “fading” because it allows me an avenue to rebuild my relationships which have been so fragmented while growing up. But sometimes when I keep up with current Witness events my blood boils. The Governing Body isn't just wrong, they're insidious liars; hypocritical about life and purposeful in their pain dealt to their followers; they whore out religion and God for the complete childish and selfish control and abuse of other people. These men should be punished to the fullest extent of the law.
I can feel the Armageddon noose tightening around my mom, friends, and sister. I can feel it creeping into my nephew's mind. The hype of the “End of False Religion” is a set up for another 1914 or 1975. Its the end of the world! Ahhh!
I keep silent because I don't want to irritate the already unstable relationships I am trying to mend. I keep silent. I've always kept silent. But is it worth it? Should I be speaking up and trying to save my family from their brainwashing? It would be different if Witness dogma was different. But it is dangerous! The Witness belief can kill people! They have no personality or mind of their own when it comes to the world outside. It breeds severe paranoia and hurtful, hateful things. When my mom dies, will I be able to forgive myself because I didn't at least try to get her out? When I'm old will I be able to live with knowing that I took no action and turned a blind eye to the abhorrent virus that is festering in my family's minds?
I'm so angry sometimes. I hate those people, those people like the Governing Body who abuse and control. There is no hellfire hot enough for those types. Selfishness! I hate them and their words and their stupid f#cking watchtower magazines. I hate their stupid beardless pathetic elders, I hate their rules, I hate their kingdom halls, I hate the podiums from which the dirty old pedophiles spew rancid poisonous thoughts that blaspheme and destroy. I hate their secrets, I hate their control. I hate they threaten to drive away my own family, I hate they cause friendships to be broken.
But, when it comes down to it, I can't quit second guessing myself. I think, and think, and time just passes by and the rift gets bigger and bigger. Is it better to not provoke it? Should I take the plunge and write the Disassociation letter and come out publicly? I just don't know. What should I do?
Should I Do Something To Help My Friends And Family?
by Morocco 4 Replies latest jw friends
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Morocco
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megsmomma
I can really relate to how you are feeling. I, like you, feel that it is not "just another religion" that our family has faith in...but, it is a dangerous cult that affects people in some truely terrible ways. The biggest problem is that UNTILL they are ready to hear "the truth about the truth"....They won't listen to you. I say this from my own frusterating experience. My husband keeps telling me to pray for them...and show them just by my life how good not being in it feels. It kills me sometimes that they are beyond reason.....but, in time, they may come around.
Hang in there!
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Mystla
This is just like where I am at with my family. I get so frustrated!! I am very good at keeping silent, I'm totally non-confrontational so this is easy for me. But the silence is eating me from the inside out. I keep thinking I will try to slip in small remarks to make them think without sounding totally apostate, but the situations presented seem to be all or nothing, and I'm not ready to be completely shunned as an apostate.
My fear is that one of these days I will explode and go on a rant that will completely alienate family and do no good, I'm not sure how much longer I can hold it all in.
I guess this doesn't help you at all, except to say you're not alone in feeling this way. If you do get it figured out.. let me know!!
Misty
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lfcviking
Woohhh! Calm down fella! Easy now. There are many other people like you in a similar position, like myself for example; my Mother is in the 'truth' and my Brother is getting interested in it aswell these days so I can empathise with you. I know what you mean when you say you remain quiet just to try and keep the peace, its frustrating isn't it? You just want to let it all out and let them know how you feel but you have to control yourself just to avoid compromising already delicate relationships.
It breeds severe paranoia and hurtful, hateful things
This is an interesting thought of yours. Do you believe this is because with their sheltered/shielded life inside the Org and very little real contact with the outside they start to develop a paranoia which leads to a feeling of dislike even hatred of the 'world'?
I hate their secrets, I hate their control. I hate they threaten to drive away my own family, I hate they cause friendships to be broken.
Careful with that four letter word mate you'll be sinking to their same low level.
Rise my friend
LFCV
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Morocco
lfcviking: Yeah that's a good point. The sheltered life doesn't help at all. But I think I am mainly speaking about the whole "satan is everywhere" thing. Witnesses aren't even safe from their own thoughts! If you entertain doubts in your mind then you are in real danger of "eternal cutting off". My god how much more paranoia can you possibly inflict? Everyone is controled by the devil, he has total power over everything. Wow. And I know "hate" is a strong word, but I'm sorry -- I hate that behavior. And if everyone in the world hated it as much as I do then we wouldn't even be having this discussion because there would be no one to maliciously control people to their demise. Urgh! I just feel like one day I'm going to have to speak up, and I really don't want to.