Golfing Jokes

by Clam 3 Replies latest social humour

• 

  Clam

  Marvin found the following ransom note slipped under his
  front door. . .

  "Bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of your country
  club tomorrow at 10:00 AM if you ever want to see your wife
  alive again."
  
  But it was well after 1:00 PM by the time he arrived at the
  designated meeting spot.

  A masked man stepped from behind
  a bush and demanded, "You're three hours late! What took you
  so long?"
  
  "Give me a break!" said Marvin, pointing to his scorecard.
  "I'm a 27 handicap."

  (Edited Title After BA post)
• 

  Brother Apostate

  A Catholic priest and a nun were

  taking a rare afternoon off and

  enjoying a round of golf. The priest

  stepped up to the first tee and took a

  mighty swing. He missed the ball

  entirely and said "Shit, I missed."

  The good Sister told him to watch

  his language.

  On his next swing, he missed again.

  "Shit, I missed."

  "Father, I'm not going to play with

  you if you keep swearing," the

  nun said tartly.

  The priest promised to do better

  and the round continued. On the

  4th tee, he misses again. The usual

  comment followed.

  Sister ! is really mad now and says,

  "Father John, God is going to

  strike you dead if you keep swearing

  like that."

  On the next tee, Father John

  swings and misses again. "Shit, I

  missed."

  A terrible rumble is heard and a

  gigantic bolt of lightning comes out

  of the sky and strikes Sister Marie

  dead in her tracks.

  And from the sky comes a booming voice .......

  "Shit, I missed."
• 

  Clam

  Two Martians land on earth next to a golf course. They watch a man drive off and his ball goes into the rough. He then hacks out and the ball goes into a bunker. He splashes out of that only for his ball to go behind a tree. He hacks out from there only to go into another bunker. He splashes out from that onto the green and puts the ball into the hole. One of the Martians turns to the other and says "He'll never get it out of there"
• 

  Brother Apostate

  One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work.

  Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, "Are you really going to let him get away with this?"

  "No, I guess not, " says God.

  The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.

  Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, " Why did you let him do that?"

  To this God says, "Who's he going to tell?"