Loving the Illusion

by joelbear 3 Replies latest jw friends

  • joelbear
    joelbear

    Lisa pretty much nailed it.

    I'm desperately in love with something that doesn't exist.

    I keep thinking people are going to fit into my little dream world of love. Ha ha. Even I don't fit into my little dream world. I couldn't possibly live up to the imaginary standards I set for myself. And gee whiz, looking at what happens to me when I try to and inevitably crack under the pressure.

    I know I used to truly believe that if you subjugated your life and your feelings and behaved and showed an outer appearance that matched everyone else's that everything would just end up being nice.

    I loved Bethel. I arrived there all bright eyed and full of hope. I fully intended to live there the rest of my life. I turned my head away from the bureaucracy I encountered there and concentrated on the good people I was working with. They were good people. But even those good people did some mighty wacky things in the name of the bureaucracy. Like the overseer who personally inspected all magic markers to be sure they were completely worn down to the nub before you could get a new one from his locked supply. I mean seriously, the felt would be below the metal edges and he still would make you use it. One of my jobs was proofreading subscription stencils and you used a magic marker to mark mistakes.

    In the end, I guess these illusions are no better than drugs. When someone tries to get you off of them, you resist it.

    Joel

  • waiting
    waiting

    Howdy Joel,

    I hate to admit it.....but Lisa had a good point. Damn it. Most of us do, one way or another, love the dream rather than the reality. It's what makes poets, writers, painters, - to express the illusion into a reality - or vice versa.

    So you went a little too far left? Don't we all. I remember confronting the reality that my father was a monster sometimes, and my dad at others. Took years to be able to wrap my mind around the two realities. And broke my heart and mind. Then you rebuild, slowly, with your own ideals, shaped by the past. Everyone who looks at themselves must do this, imho.

    Part of the problem in rebuilding is what ideals, rules, thoughts are valid - what do you throw out? My father demanded a "thank you" to my mom after every meal she made for us - was he wrong? No. A kiss on the cheek to each parent before bedtime, or when we went out at night. Our friends thought it was weird, but we were used to it. Wrong? No. But in light of the fact he was having sex with me and my little brother, and my pets, slightly bizarre.

    Kiss your WT love goodbye, and move on...she's not worthy of you, nor me. But we did love her - I guess that's why so many of us are so angry at her. She held out an illusion we believed, and now we have to remake our reality.

    Perhaps a walk in the park is in order for you this weekend? Where do you live, btw? I'm in South Carolina.

    waiting

  • Leander
    Leander

    Joel have you written your story up on this site. I'm interested about what life in Bethel is like.

  • LDH
    LDH

    Joel, honey, I wan't trying to be mean and I hope it didn't come across that way.

    I know how you feel about the 'brotherhood' and believe me, it took me a long time to realize that the people I spent my life with were no more my friends than the next door neighbor.

    I finally told my father last week (he's upset that my daughter celebrates holidays now) "Dad, us kids grew up surrounded by dysfunctional people, and we were deprived of life's pleasures. I REFUSE , flat out REFUSE, to allow Eden to be surrounded by such dysfunction."

    Yes it is a bitter pill to swallow Joel. If they had never df'd me for being pregnant, I'd probably still be there singing the Kingdom Melodies.

    Love you,
    Lisa

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