Matchbox Twenty "Unwell" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=licqjxdfoS0
This one best described my emotional struggles with social/ emotional adjustment post-Jehova's Witness JUMP!! It's a crazy-making situation that makes anyone feel like they're losing it--to have lost everything that is significant in their lives: Family (children--who are still children!); faith; mate (although, in this case, that was a positive--but the loss of the hopes for a good future together were gone); solid base of friendships, fifteen years in the making; income (at-home mom, no degree beyond high school--too intimidated and desperate for escape to concentrate on going after alimony at the time); and health, both psychological (compared with pre-Witness/ marriage involvement) and physical (compared with pre-Witness/ marriage involvement).
Now add to this trying to branch out...and make a new set of connections...with people (and doing--normal!--activities) that you've been trained to believe are wrong, substandard, deceptive, evil, etc., etc., etc.--resulting in destruction (that's a big one!)--and while knowing full well that every step you take here...toward fuller adjustment outside the JW cult...is taking you further a - w - a - y from the people/ connections who matter most to you in your life (my children!!!).....
Yeah...I went through a period of being unwell. Still revisit it once in a while. This song, being released on airplay at right about the same time frame, said it for me better than any other could...especially when I met this guy who absolutely bowled me over...and I knew I was in no way, shape, or form ready to meet him square on as he wanted me to--as *I* wanted me to!! That really set a chain of 'unwell'-feeling events in motion....
Yeah...dating post-JW's, at least initially--that's a real trip!!! LOL And now here he is again, more than two years after the last time we tried going out, coming into my life and telling me, "I'M INTERESTED" (in all caps--long distance now, though, 2 hrs. away). Pursuing this with him would mean another major upheaval in my life (eventual move to California, where he will eventually be after he finishes out his Ph.D. for DNA research)...and yet another step a-w-a-y from my children..........not just geographically, but officially--as this would mean me either disassociating myself or being disfellowshiped. [There was not "scriptural grounds" (adultery on my JW husband's part, i.e.) ending the marriage...just extreme abuse--which doesn't count, ya know.]
And so, with all this heavy Witness 'fall-out' still hanging in the air, I don't, even yet, feel free to sit back and conscientiously explore and examine this relationship on its OWN merits......I have to do so through Watchtower 'fall-out' eyes....... (Examing "What will be WT consequences of...?" as opposed to, "Is this/ HE what I really want for ME?") Extremely difficult to know if I'm even making an objective decision, either way I go!!
Yeah...Watchtower goggles suck..............
So...here's the song that helps express all of this for me the best. Unwell. Not crazy...but unwell...hope the remedies for this kick in soon..................
Anyone with similar stories/ song dedications to share?