Well folks, I have taken some time off to live life. Losing weight (36 pounds so far this year), talking to women again, negotiating an amicable divorce, enjoying my job and teaching my daughter has kept me occupied. Plus, I needed a little time off from those feelings that have been stirred up by writing out my story.
It has been nice to see other write up their stories as well. Sharing these feelings while painful at times I believe heals us and others. So here is my next installment. For those interested links to the previous segments are listed at the bottom of this post in chronological order.
A "Theocratic Career" Begins
One side effect of not having diversions, siblings (I was an only child till I was twelve) or friends it that one gets a lot of time to think. As a result I was always bothered by this religion. There were inconsistencies. But I either couldn't put my finger on them due to lack of information and guidance, or I was afraid. After all this religion was all that I'd ever known. Therefore, though I was a publisher, had been used for things in the congregation (I gave the #2 talk at the circuit assembly twice, once at age six and again at nine) I shied away from baptism. One of the Congregation Committee members would regularly confront me on this. He would say: "Isaac, can I ask you a stupid question? What prevents you from getting baptized?" Now what could I say? I didn't even really understand the nature of my apprehensions, much less how to verbalize it. I was ten for God’s sake! Besides what would he and my parents have thought? So I would just lower my head, say "I don't know" and wonder what to do. Finally I decided "What the heck, let me get baptized." And so it was that on May 28, 1978 at 11 1/2 years of age I was baptized at the Manhattan Assembly Hall in Harlem. Strikingly what I remember most from the baptism talk was how non-descript and boring it was. In fact I have always felt that many WT speakers, especially GB members were boring. This feeling would lead to my becoming a very lively public speaker who is STILL getting calls to give public talks despite being inactive! But I digress....Here I was, I was a baptized brother. That summer I did something that I would repeat every year all the way through high school. I pioneered in the summer. I was so thrilled. At that time it was called vacation pioneering as WT delighted in seeing people use their vacation to go out in service. Crazy as I think back on it. But then, I was thrilled to be doing it. And being that I was the only brother out, I was given Kingdom Hall keys and told to take the weekday groups out! I was in charge! Wow. Of course those poor sisters had to deal with an eleven year old bossing them around. One in particular couldn't stand it. She gave me hell. The elders told me not to let her "look down on my youth."
One very important blessing, and I do mean blessing that I got from pioneering was that I could get out of the house!!! (For those who don’t know the reasons for why I would want to get out see the “My Journey” posts in the Personal Experiences section on JWD.) I had found a way to use the system finally to MY advantage. (This skill of using the WT rules for my benefit would serve me time and time again over the years.) By doing this I was able to escape the dysfunctional environment that was my home life. And I was able to get the approval, accreditation and sense of belonging from others that I sorely needed.
Now once the "friends" could talk to me without my Mom around they wanted to know so much, particularly how I was coping with home. I quickly began to realize that I was not alone in feeling that something was wrong with my home life. I had people to talk with. My Mom HATED this. These friends now began to harass her, asking her to let me out and let them take me places. She was torn. On the one hand I was doing "Jehovah's" work. I was associating with "His" people. On the other hand she was losing control. I remember one elder, the same one that persuaded me to get baptized, getting on his knees at the Hall, begging her to let me go on some outing. Her answer was a resolute No! Service Yes, but no movies, gatherings or social activities. But I knew now that my Mom had serious problems, that people could like me and that it would only be a matter of time before I could be on my own and do what I wanted. That realization quite literally saved me from destruction.
tsof
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/129473/1.ashx
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/129553/1.ashx
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/129647/1.ashx