Good to Know When You're Leaving!

by brunnhilde 5 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  brunnhilde

  PAIN
  
  The Emotional Pain Of Leaving A Cult
  by Jan Groenveld
  
  The following is how former cult members and members of spiritually
  abusive systems described how they felt when they finally left their
  group. This may give you some insight into their pain and why there
  are no easy answers for them.
  
  It Hurts
  
  It Hurts to discover you were deceived - that what you thought was
  the "one true religion", the "path to total freedom", or "truth" was
  in reality a cult.
  
  It Hurts when you learn that people you trusted implicitly - whom you
  were taught not to question - were "pulling the wool over your eyes"
  albeit unwittingly.
  
  It Hurts when you learn that those you were taught were
  your "enemies" were telling the truth after all - but you had been
  told they were liars, deceivers, repressive, satanic, etc and not to
  listen to them.
  
  It Hurts when you know your faith in God hasn't changed - only your
  trust in an organization - yet you are accused of apostasy, being a
  trouble maker, a "Judas". It hurts even more when it is your family
  and friends making these accusations.
  
  It Hurts to realize their love and acceptance was conditional on you
  remaining a member of good standing. This cuts so deeply you try and
  suppress it. All you want to do is forget - but how can you forget
  your family and friends?
  
  It Hurts to see the looks of hatred coming from the faces of those
  you love - to hear the deafening silence when you try and talk to
  them. It cuts deeply when you try and give your child a hug and they
  stand like a statue, pretending you aren't there. It stabs like a
  knife when you know your spouse looks upon you as demonised and
  teaches your children to hate you.
  
  It Hurts to know you must start all over again. You feel you have
  wasted so much time. You feel betrayed, disillusioned, suspicious of
  everyone including family, friends, and other former members.
  
  It Hurts when you find yourself feeling guilty or ashamed of what you
  were - even about leaving them. You feel depressed, confused, lonely.
  You find it difficult to make decisions. You don't know what to do
  with yourself because you have so much time on your hands now - yet
  you still feel guilty for spending time on recreation.
  
  It Hurts when you feel as though you have lost touch with reality.
  You feel as though you are "floating" and wonder if you really are
  better off and long for the security you had in the organization and
  yet you know you cannot go back.
  
  It Hurts when you feel you are all alone - that no one seems to
  understand what you are feeling. It hurts when you realize your self
  confidence and self worth are almost non-existent.
  
  It Hurts when you have to front up to friends and family to hear
  their "I told you so" whether that statement is verbal or not. It
  makes you feel even more stupid than you already do - your confidence
  and self worth plummet even further.
  
  It Hurts when you realize you gave up eveything for the cult - your
  education, career, finances, time and energy - and now have to seek
  employment or restart your education. How do you explain all those
  missing years?
  
  It Hurts because you know that even though you were deceived, you are
  responsible for being taken in. All that wasted time ... at least
  that is what it seems to you - wasted time.
  
  The Pain Of Grief
  
  Leaving a cult is like experiencing the death of a close relative or
  a broken relationship. The feeling is often described as like having
  been betrayed by someone with whom you were in love. You feel you
  were simply used.
  
  There is a grieving process to pass through. Whereas most people
  understand that a person must grieve after a death etc, they find it
  difficult to understand the same applies in this situation. There is
  no instant cure for the grief, confusion, and pain. Like all grieving
  periods, time is the healer.
  
  Some feel guilty, or wrong about this grief. They shouldn't - it IS
  normal. It is NOT wrong to feel confused, uncertain, disillusioned,
  guilty, angry, untrusting - these are all part of the process. In
  time the negative feelings will be replaced with clear thinking, joy,
  peace, and trust.
  
  Yes - It hurts but the hurts will heal with time, patience and
  understanding.
  
  There is life after the cult.
  
  Copyright 1985, 1995 Jan Groenveld
  E-mail: py101663@student. uq.edu.au
  
  Cult Awareness & Information Centre,
  PO Box 2444,
  Mansfield, 4122
  Australia
  
  Web Page: http://caic. org.au/zhome. htm
• 

  DJK

  Yes - It hurts but the hurts will heal with time, patience and
  understanding. There is life after the cult.

  Well put, that alone speaks volumes.
• 

  hubert

  I often wonder how my j.w. daughter will react when she finds out she and her husband are in a cult, and they were duped. I really feel bad for them. They have no idea.

  Thanks for posting this, Brunn.

  Hubert
• 

  lavendar

  Hubert,

  I often wonder the same thing about my son and his wife. I can't wait for the day when they realize it's nothing but a cult (I hope soon!), but at the same time I know the realization will hurt them terribly. But, at least my husband and I will be there for them.....

  Lavendar
• 

  I Know what I like, and I like what I know

  Heading for the great escape
  Heading for the rave
  Heading for the permanent holiday

  Heading for the winter trip
  Heading for the slide
  Heading for the dignified walk away

  Heading for the open road
  Goodbye to all that
  Heading for the automatic overload

  Standing in the open boat
  Standing in the swing
  Waiting for the ringing and the bright light

  Waiting to be recognised
  Quiet applause will do
  They shower you with flowers when they bury you

  You're holding on, you're holding on ...

  Just when I thought I'd seen the last of you
  You come here scratchin' at my door
  Your pain and anger's in the howling dark
  Of every corridor I walk

  So tell me more about the love that you rejected
  Tell me more about the trust you disrespected
  I still don't know, why did you hurt the very one
  Why did you hurt the very one
  That you should have protected?

  Don't ask me why I'm doing this
  You wouldn't understand
  You're asking the wrong questions
  You couldn't understand

  A bridge is not a high place
  The fifty-second floor
  Icarus would know
  A mountain isn't far to fall

  When you've fallen
  When you've fallen from the moon

  There's murder on the street
  I'm ashes on the water now, somewhere far away
  I have fallen, fallen from the moon
• 

  tijkmo

  There'll come a time when all of this is over
  Something else will grow and take it's place
  The brand new car: scrap metal in a junkyard
  The children playing will grow up and leave home
  Put it away this dream you can't stop dreaming
  Put it away this anger and desire
  The open road is infinitely hopeful
  Take all those memories and throw them in the fire

  And don't hurt yourself
  Don't hurt yourself
  Don't hurt yourself anymore

  There's old man on a warm and sunny island
  No job, no money, just a smile to call his own
  Know what he says?
  "The past will only haunt you.
  Live for today. Each day's an open door

  Don't hurt yourself
  Don't hurt yourself
  Don't hurt yourself anymore"

  Nothing to lose is nothing to fight over
  The shining stars!
  They've seen it all before.

  Don't hurt yourself
  Don't hurt yourself
  Don't hurt yourself anymore

  Dust keeps coming. Rust keeps coming. Weeds keep growing. Seeds keep growing
  Where you going?