I haven't posted here in ages. But I have this huge question mark in my head and this is the perfect place to get some feedback without compromising my sister. My sister is an active JW. She is the most loving, sweet, generous person I've ever met. She is single and in her late 30's. I love her to pieces and there is nothing she could say or do that would make me feel otherwise. I also think she is gay and very much in the closet. She has her best friend - whom we know and been friends with for at least 20 years. She is also in her 30's and single and also a JW. I believe that their friendship is really a lesbian relationship. The fact that they're both in their 30's and single is not the reason why I think what I think. But all along their friendship they have had a very unique dinamic between them - one that looks and feels like a couple as opposed to best friends. I won't go into the details of it, but you gotta trust me on this. The reason why I'm bringing this up is because I also feel that she is truly unhappy. The kind of unhappyness that comes when you are living a lie and not being true to yourself. I think many of us here-gay or straight- can relate to what I'm saying. She is the kind of person that will never purposefully do anything to upset anyone. Especially our parents. I think that between the pressure of the borg and the fear of upseting and being rejected by our JW parents and brother she has sentenced herself to living in the closet and not fulfilling her own dreams or desires. I think they both have. I would love for her to be comfortable enough with me to open her heart and tell me what is really going on with her life. That way she could know that I love her and accept her in any way she is and she (they)won't be judged or shunned by us if they are indeed gay. We have spoken about her emotional state and she "claims" to be in love with an impossible - because the "guy" is not a JW and that is why she has resigned herself not to have him - you know, the whole "marry only in the lord" thing. Coincidentally, her best friend also has the same situation, and guess with whom? The "guy's" brother. Now these two "guys" have no names and nobody knows who they are. Not even their worldy friends and coworkers. Needless to say, I don't buy one bit. Here is my question to you: How can I get her to tell me the truth without insulting her. I'm not trying to "out" her to the world. I just want her to know that, at least with us, she can be herself and I will accept her and love her and support her the same as always. I want her to confide in me, so I can help her deal with her sadness. Please give me some ideas.
gay sister? Need input
by divejunkie 4 Replies latest jw experiences
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kwr
Just let her live her life and don't interfere. If she felt comfortable talking to you then she already would have. Your post here shows a lack of respect for her privacy already.
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zeroday
I just want her to know that, at least with us, she can be herself and I will accept her and love her and support her the same as always.
She is probably already living in a kind of hell. I wouldn't persue the issue just show her as much love as you can.
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Inquisitor
Go with what you have. Would you say that mention of this fictional(?) non-JW is already her way of communicating her frustration? She is trying to open up, but on her terms?
If you merely want to ease her pain, then just play along. You can't make her tell you more than she already has.
And even if she does tell you more, what could you possibly tell her that you haven't already?
If she outs herself, are you going to persuade her that the Biblical condemnation of homosexuality is mistaken? Is she ready for that? Is that something that must be urgently tackled for her to feel any better?
IMHO she will appreciate your continued emotional support.
INQ
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Emma
Just always be trustworthy with anything she confides in you so when the time comes she can come to you without fear. She may not have come to terms with her own sexuality yet. Perhaps there will be an "aha" moment for her and you will be there for her. If she doesn't know it herself yet, she would scoff at the idea if you mention she's attracked to another woman.