Hard decisions of life....

metaspy

Hey all, here is a dillema that I am facing:

I have been trying to figure out whether I feel that this religion is true enough for me to remain in it. We must admit that there are some good things in the JW religion. However, there are many hypocricies and other problems that plague JWs and other religions too. I am leaning toward getting the hell out of Dodge.

This weekend at the Circuit Assembly, I met an unbaptised sister. We will call her "Sierra". She blew me away, I have met no one else who has made me feel like she did. Also, her friend (who got baptised this weekend) said that Sierra likes me. I get the sinking feeling that she will soon get baptised and probably remain one of JWs. On the other hand, by the fact that she has not gotten baptised yet (and is of age to do so) seems to say that she is not jumping on the boat.

So my internal struggle is whether I should stick around for her. If Sierra does want to remain a JW and I don't, then marriage would be next to impossible. I would be willing to stay for her, but it would be a hard life to live. If she does not want to be a JW, then things would be great. However, it is impossible to ask without suffering the chance of loss. To lose her would be hard. I haven't posted my story yet, but let me say that my timing is always bad. I have had many heartaches.

What to do, what to do...

IP_SEC

Take is from me cuz.

Dont try to change people or hope they will change.

If its a deal breaker, and it probably should be. Let her know now and both of you can get on with life.

95stormfront

Take it from the board, "Sierra" is not worth being a lifelong slave to the WT.

Amber Rose

Ok. Just take a deep breath and slow down for a minute. You said you just met her this weekend at the ciruit assembly then you start talking about marriage! There's a lot of room inbetween. You posted that you are a pioneer. Does she know this? Could this cause her to think that she needs to get baptized if she wants to date someone with responsibility in the congregation? Let her know that you're cool with her not being baptized and that she should take her time in making such an important decision, no matter how long it takes. Get her to open up about her feelings toward the org. Listen and don't talk. ( you win two ways, you get to test the waters and she'll think you're great "he's such a great listener!!")

metaspy

Yes Amber, it is quick. However, I know that when you find a someone who meets your "everything I would like in a mate" list - I have learned not to just watch her walk away for someone else to snag. At the very least I considered the possibilities of the future, and "went down the hall of consequences" as an elder in my hall says.

I will definitely take your advice on having a long discussion about her spiritual goals (mostly listening). This sunday she is visiting my hall, I hope to have her over for supper. Perhaps I will have an update after that.

sass_my_frass

NNNNnnnnnah. The problem is that you haven't really met anybody else before, have you? Because when your options aren't limited to the pool of chicas who you meet at JW gigs, it's a far bigger pool. So many people you meet are going to blow you away. Live a little, and meet them first.

jeanV

To lose her would be hard.

I am sure it would be. I also know that if you decide to remain a JW chances of meeting someone that you believe matches you perfectly are not so high so I can understand that you do not want someone else to snag her.

On the other hand, I think it is important that you first sort out what you want to do with religion. When I got married I was sure I would never leave the "truth". I am of a totally different opinion now, while my wife still believes JW's have the truth. I am not the only one on this board in a similar situation. Believe me, it is not nice.

Tuesday

I guess the issue would be that even if you have doubts you can't really discuss them with her because then you definetly won't go out. That's one of the key things in a relationship (at least in the world) is that you can have open and honest discussion with your mate about everything.

It's really not to say that it can't be done, in my old congregation there were quite a few happy marriages where only one of the people was a JW. For a marriage I wouldn't be able to deal with it because I wouldn't want my kids having to go through what I went through growing up.

I agree with some other posters though, you're jumping the gun a bit. Why not go on some chaparoned dates with the girl first to see if you are compatable, then if you still feel the way you do cross the marriage bridge when you come to it.

Bumble Bee

To lose somebody is always hard. The price we pay for love is grief.

You will have to examine what your life could be like with this woman, and every scenario that you can think of. What if she wants to stay in - can you really live the rest of your life as a JW, knowing what you know? Will either of you really be happy if she's in and you're not? Will that be fair to her or to you? Your relationship will always have a cloud hanging over it if this happens.

You will have to develop an open honest line of communication with her and discuss some of these issues before you can make any decisions.

The choices we make in life in regards to the heart are some of the hardest to make, and hurt the deepest, or they can be the happiest.

I wish you the best!

BB

Hard decisions of life....

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