In bed with a WT clone

Axeman

I married a JW convert. Looking back it was if she related to me and the kids like we were a duty Like she was reading a scrip on how to relate to us. Like her love ( if you can call it that ) depended on how well we performed as witnesses. And she was hard on herself too Never felt good enough When she joined the Witnesses she said that "the brothers were all so good she could have married any one of them".Like I was just one from the heard of available bulls.The traditional marriage vows talk of forsaking all others Not my experience the elders the GB were in bed with us Does not lend itself to one flesh intimacy. Can anyone else relate to what I am saying?

Marcel

i feel for you, buddy. im a jw and im married to a jw. i dont have the exact same experiences but i can imagine. i often feel bad and unworthy because she could've marry anyone but me and would have a devoted ministry servant or elder and would have kids. i cant do all that. ive thrown all my privileges away and live a minimal-jw life. and because of the gap between me and my wife in questions about raising kids (she would teach the jw belief as truth, truth, truth and i would teach my kids that they have the choice to believe anything) i dont want kids. kids shouldnt grow up in so bad conditions.

actually i fear more, when i leave the organisation im the marked one. the bad association to my wife. "the problem". elders would do shepherding visits (secretly, when im not there) to help my wife to live with such bad conditions - with an unfaithful husband - me. everyone would think how unlucky she is and how good it would be for her, when i wouldnt be there. it breaks my heart. i cant bear that. its so cruel. from a loving husband to a monster in a matter of seconds, when it is announced on the meeting.

i remember the happiness in the congregation when a sister lost her husband who was against the truth. he let her go but tried to convince her to stop it all the time. she prayed to god that he should help her often. and on one time she came home from a meeting he was dead. what a happy day... thats truly evidence that god helps his followers...

i would laugh if it wasnt so sad. back then i was happy for her too... damn...

Honesty

I married a third generation JW.

We were married for exactly 10 years and 3 days.

We were actually together for 8 years, 4 months and 16 days.

It was a nightmare. All of it.

2 months after we were married she wanted to go back to her first child's father who she never was married to.

6 months after we were married the physical abuse started.

I put up with it because it was Jehovah's arrangement or so I thought.

Now I am free of her and free from her demon cult.

She, her child and our child are trapped in an abusive relationship now.

It's name is the Truth but it's real name is Living Hell.

jgnat

Tough, Axeman. It sounds like your lady-love gave herself over entirely to the organization. So yes, you had a paper-wife, whose script and lines you could pull from the latest magazines.

My (JW) husband is nearly always all himself. His natural personality is very strong. I suspect this is why the elders have kept their eye on him and withheld many priveledges.

His strong personality is also why I was fooled in to thinking the organization could never (entirely) take over. Nights when he comes from the meeting, I can tell when the JW personality has taken over. There's a black look in his eye and he looks at me with this disdain...what? That I am hopelessly pagan? That I am dead to him? What? No protests or tears at that point can convince him that his ravings against the "evils" of this world are wrong.

drew sagan

jgnat is right, the organization can never fully take over a person. The real person is allways there, trapped behind the cult personality that has been given to them.

btw, are you still married? It's hard to tell by what you have written if this is all past your or if you are still struggling.

Axeman

I can tell when the JW personality has taken over. There's a black look in his eye and he looks at me with this disdain...what? That I am hopelessly pagan? That I am dead to him?

Know that experience. I convinced her to go with me to a marriage councillor he said to her you have cognative dissonance would not matter what I said she would find fault with it even if I spoke about the wheather He told her that only she could change that she did we left the session holding hands like a honeymoon couple but not for long the cult conditioning would kick in and I would get THE LOOK

We split years ago Ignat but it still bugs me My son completed his post grad recently I suggested we all go out for dinner to celebrate She said that would be nice she would like to do that but it is not possible. (My son is agnostic majored in physchology even considered doing his thesis on mind controll & the witnesses but didnt cause it would have alienated him from his mother) Like to but can't with me there what ! Have they got a gun to her head?

Axeman

jgnat is right, the organization can never fully take over a person. The real person is allways there, trapped behind the cult personality that has been given to them.

I agree Drew but the real person can be buried so deep that for all practical purposes they are dead and your left relating to a WT clone

carla

The real person may be in there somewhere and even peek their head out once and awhile, however the cult assures the cult personality when they see jw's every other day and both days on the weekend. What happens in a marriage when one is not a jw and one is,is something most people can never fully understand. (not you guys) It is difficult at times to get thrilled about seeing your mate when they wish everybody they know were dead. A jw will say they don't wish that on anybody least of all their spouse but the literature says different as well as the group think. One jw even told my spouse satan was in me because I am an 'opposer'. Yeah honey, love you to.

One of my kids is thinking about psychology too! That child is interested why some people succumb to cults and others do not.The other one jokingly said they want to become a lawyer so they can sue the wt for taking away their dad.

Axeman

Tough, Axeman. It sounds like your lady-love gave herself over entirely to the organization. So yes, you had a paper-wife, whose script and lines you could pull from the latest magazines.

Love the way you put that Ignat. What pisses me off is that despite knowing me personaly she chose to believe what the WT now said I was even looking for reasons to support the WT view. ie: Our son asked her why she split with me She said " I cant live with a man that bashes me " He asked "When did Dad bash you? She changed the subject. Now if she said that to a witness their response would be Oh you poor thing When I told my sister this her response was "But your not a violent man". It is as if she needed to find something anything to justify her WT view that I must be a bad person cause I have rejected their socalled truth. And it went real deep not only did the wife convince herself that I was a threat to her she started to act it out. One night when we were going to bed she said your not going to rape me are you. I thought where the hell did that come from.

To top it off all the time we have been seperated she has been hoping I will come to my senses and return to the witnesses cause her authentic self still had feelings for me I was a witness Was I really this crazy too?

jgnat

She said that would be nice she would like to do that but it is not possible... Like to but can't with me there...

From the Watchtower directly out of her mouth. It is obvious that at least with any conversations with you, she is putting everything through the WT-filter. This makes her very easy to predict, of course, but that's a small comfort.

despite knowing me personaly she chose to believe what the WT now said I was even looking for reasons to support the WT view. ie: Our son asked her why she split with me She said " I cant live with a man that bashes me " He asked "When did Dad bash you? She changed the subject.

Cognitive dissonance at it's finest. The counsellor was completely right. At least it's not personal, and it's not about you. She would have done this to ANYONE she was married to. Your son asked the right question. It did not fit her worldview, so she had to drop the subject fast. Now you have the diagnosis, what is the cure?

To top it off all the time we have been seperated she has been hoping I will come to my senses and return to the witnesses cause her authentic self still had feelings for me I was a witness

Is she EVER out of the WT-mode these days? If I were you, I'd only bother talking to THAT person. If that other person shows up, I'd be highly tempted (since you are separated) to tell it to "talk to the hand." Whenever a WITNESS-ISM escapes her mouth, respond, "Whatever."

HEY, I just had a thought. What if you had a mock Watchtower made up, sufficiently ahead of the game? Fill it with family studies and a QFR that gives her permission to treat you normally? Hmmmm. I bet we could do this at JWD. Make it up for the first January issue that due to be all studies. With the "new format".

It would backfire eventually, but for a week or two you could have your original wife back.

In bed with a WT clone

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