The emotions of leaving

Irish Rose

I have been reading post here and at other webb sites and how ones leaving or in the process of leaving were talking about how scared it is to take this step. I thought I would share what I had delt with 6 years ago, this month. It was May 2001, my son was in the hospital. For a normal healthy adult what he had would have been nothing more than a short time bought with an illness, but for a child (and elder person) it was life threatening. Any ways my son pulled through just fine, and he is getting ready to turn 12 later this year, and starting to act like a teenager, already. It was that one thing that really made me sit up and listen to those nagging doubts that had been troubling for quite some time, with the Watchtower. Just saying that terrable name just makes me want to vomit. So for future referances I will be saying "borg" when refering to those bozos. I decided enough was enough, and after I got back from dealing with the hospital and my child I decided to do research on the borg, by using the interent and the borg's literature. At the time I had literature dating all the way back to the 1960's, including the DVD. So for the next couple of months I was researching like mad, comparing to make sure what I was reading on the internet was true. After a while I came to the conclusion that the borg is a false religion, a false prophet, and NOT the mouth piece of God, and another trick from the Devil. So now what to do. I had been raised in it since I was either 4 or 5 years old. Talking about getting your world turned upside down. I had a lot of emotions. And talking about being scared, and boy how, I sure was. First, I was not sure how my husband would take the news of me leaving. To my pleasant suprise, he was estatic that I was leaving. In fact he was so happy that the first thing he wanted to do was to pitch all the borg crap out of our home, so thats what we did. The guys who haul off the trash had their work cut out for them that week. Having this need to fill in, we ended up going to church. I had even more questions, and that where I was able to get them answered. The first time I stepped inside the church, I was afraid that the roof would collapse, but it never did. Feeling that I still wanted to serve God and I wanted him to know that my baptism was for him, and not some organization. I decided to be baptized again, but this time it was in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I decided that it might be a good idea to write "The Letter", just in case it ever came to that, but did not send it. My husband did the same. A couple of months rolled away. We were going to church, the children really enjoyed going to Sunday school, while my husband and myself were at church. I really like the part with Sunday school for the children. They got to learn bible things at their level, and we learned things at adult levels. I got to thinking, why don't they do that at the borg. How many times did they talk about thing that really were not approprate for children? Things such as the "marrage dues", the topic of rape, a wives place in a marrge, and so on, and on. During this time period, I was also scared. Just the thought of my mother, my sister, my other relatives who were still in the borg at the time, and how they would react. I also had the thoughts was I doing the right things. I knew I was, but still, I was going to give up a lot, if all this had came out. I am the type of person who does not like leaving any strings untied. I also knew that if the borg ever went down, I did not want to be assocated with them in any form. So I was doing alot of praying, and talking with other former borg members, which really helped alot. But the idea of telling my family was a whole different story. I was not sure how, or when I was going to tell them. Because my mother told me that if I ever left, I would be dead to her, and she is a person of her word. Heck, she even told me once that if I ever married a worldly man, I would be dead to her. I guess some one must have been listening to my prayers, because my brother in law some how found out about my husband and myself going to chuch. He confronted us about this, and my husband, who is a very blunt man, told him it was true. Not wanting my bozo brother in law to get the last laugh, we sent in the letters. Two days later the elders showed up. The "funny" thing was after going to the meeting on a regular basis, then stopping for 3 months, no one from the borg ever showed up at my door, just to see if we were ok or not. Later that day, my mom showed up, I lived at the time 2 1/2 hours away from her. It was a relief after it was over. The fear was gone. Next came the sadness, and the grief of losing almost everyone. I felt like an orphan. It really hit my husband very hard. His mother, who he was really close to, is a borg member. So the first thing I had to do was to find others who would fill in that gap for him. In our case it is his aunt, who is more like a big sister to him. He had thoughts of going back for a short time, just because he misses his mom. But I think the Lord was watching out. At the time one of our former borg members had went in under cover and recored part of the meeting that has the Kindom Ministry. Anyways, the bull that was coming out of the mouths of the borg members nearly made me vomit. Infact after only about 3 or 5 minutes, my husband had to make a quick dash to the bathroom and lost his lunch. That cured him of ever wanting to return. The one thing I must say to those who are leaving, make sure first that you have a good support system first. I don't know how many times my husband and I have got each other through some very hard times. I really don't think I could have done this with out him, and I know that he would have not been able to either.

BFD

The one thing I must say to those who are leaving, make sure first that you have a good support system first.

That is so true. Welcome to the forum.

BFD

evita

Welcome Irish Rose!

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry you had to be shunned in order to gain your freedom. I know firsthand how painful that can be.
You're right about having a good support system - it's crucial for emotional survival after leaving the cult.

Glad you joined us and look forward to hearing more from you.

Eva

OnTheWayOut

make sure first that you have a good support system first.

True. If you have non-JW family, they are great. You need someone who
understands, and JWD can serve that. There are also meetups that can
help.

Church is not for everyone. Many are faders. Many don't want to have
anything to do with religion at all. Find something, though

Quandry

Welcome, Irish Rose. How great it is that you and your husband are together in this!!

ex-nj-jw

Welcome to JWD Irish Rose,

Glad to hear that your son is ok, and that you AND your husband were able to make an escape!!

Maybe one day some of your family will wake up!!!

nj