unequally yoked

wings

My husband is fourth generation, not third like I said in my post yesterday. His great-grandmother claimed to be one of the annointed. He has more relatives in the "truth" than you can believe. On his mother's side he is third generation. If anyone is policeing this site, I'm done.

My three step kids were young teens when I married into the family. All of them baptised. Their mother was disfellowshiped and my husband had full custody of the kids. They were under tremendous pressure to preform....my in-laws were pros at the positive and negitive reinforcement needed to keep these kids in-line. LONG story short. They grew up hypocrates and eventually faded into life with their "horrible mother", one was recently DF'd. I keep up with them all, they are doing good, though the family doesn't have anything to do with them, they blame it all on the "horrible mother", and the kids having "bad hearts"

My kids were never baptised. They never knew the WTS to be anything but a joke, thanks to the step brothers and sisters, and the rest of the family circus. "Bad hearts" the lot of them.

Just laying some ground work. What I really want to talk about is "a witness marriage". I realize that we all have different circumstances, but I really tried to be submissive those first several years. During the incident with my son (last post), I came to understand that I can't submit if it goes against my own conscience. Then, slowly I began to realize that I had been going against my own conscience for years. So I began apologizing to the kids, can't seem to forgive myself, however. I had a part in these kids maybe never being able to approach God on a personal level, not to mention the conditional love no one should ever have to know from their family.

These last few years have been tough on my marriage because of my inability to submit. My husband is a full-on witness, and can't and won't see anything else. He doesn't know how to approach me any other way. Today I still had to deal with him wanting me to go to meeting, read the Watchtower "it is so good this week", let me take the kids (grandkids) I am so sensitive to the kids because of the guilt I am still wrestling with over the past generation of kids.

I feel like my pretending has run the gammit. I have to get my stregnth back and I can't do this anymore, I have lost me somewhere in the process.

Why can't there be a gray area I can go to heal? Why do I have to be cast into the black for just being honest? I know it will get ugly, that is why I am here.

kitten whiskers

Welcome!
I haven't read your other posts yet, but this is a great place for support and empathy. Guilt is a hard thing, and forgiving ourselves sometimes seems even harder! You sound level headed and I am happy you have found a place to voice yourself and find strength. All the best and I'll keep an eye out for your posts!

Kitten Whiskers

Arthur

The onus is not on those who have come to realize the fallacies of the Watchtower religion. It is on the organization. When people get villified, disfellowshipped, and shunned for standing up for truth; they are not to blame. It is the organization and it's presumptuous leadership that must answer for their actions.

I have not been disfellowhipped yet, but it is a certain eventuality for me. When this happens, I will lose my entire family who are all JWs. I am slowly coming to grips with the fact that I cannot blame myself for the fact that there are Watchtower doctrines and practices which I cannot support. Perhaps you will eventually get that point as well. It takes a lot of time though. I have found that I needed the support of exit-counseling to help me mentally seperate from all of the Watchtower-instilled guilt and fear.

Just remember: any religion that must rely on intellectual intimidation, coercion, psychological manipulation, and draconian shunning policies to maintain "unity" does not truly have God's spirit. Instead, they display the spirit of an organization that appeals to the weighty authority of men.

sass_my_frass

((wings))

I'm a great fan of jgnat, who will no doubt find your thread momentarily. She is here because, well she'll explain. I'm really sorry that you're going through this and I hope that you can find stories here that you can relate to; that's what really helped me.

You're not alone, hang in there love.

LisaRose

My heart goes out to you. I was in the oposite situation - my hub was DF, I was the "good one". But it the same in the end. I could no long pretend and try to be the good witness wife. The changes that you are going through cannot be reversed. It's tough but there is light at the end of the tunnel. With me, it was ending the marriage. For you it may just be re-defining the parameters of the relationship. Only you can know what is best for you. But you know you can no longer go on as you were. Knowing that is half the battle. Hang in there.

jgnat

Hey, wings. We indeed have so much in common. I'm married a JW working on reinstatement.

I really tried to be submissive those first several years.

I DID learn a few things from my (abusive) first husband. I'd never submit like that again! I've stuck up for my rights and kept sticking up for them all along with my fresh new JW husband. I still mourn over all I've lost at the holidays, though. For all my huband's promises to show "mutual respect" for our religious differences, he just can't. Just can't and be a good witness, that is.

During the incident with my son (last post), I came to understand that I can't submit if it goes against my own conscience.

I had a very similar revelation when my son received his first diagnosis when he was twelve. I'd been twisting myself in knots trying to follow everyone's advice, trying to do the "right thing". If I'd kept going, I would have ended up in a mental institution myself. My revelation was that God knew what he was doing when he created me. I have intelligence and heart, and I was the hand-picked mother for my son. The right thing to do was to do what my mother's heart was telling me....and HANG all the well-meant advice.

That was a turning point in my relationship with my son. We are still very, very close. My son is flooded with gratefulness that I've never given up on him. As I think he should feel about his creator.

Why can't there be a gray area I can go to heal? Why do I have to be cast into the black for just being honest?

Hmmmm. Pleading depression for a while might help. The Witnesses are much more likely to be forgiving of personal weakness.

If you want some sneaky dastardly womanly secrets on how to keep a man in line, PM me.

juni

(((wings))) Welcome to the forum.

I wish you the best.

Juni