My JW sister is visiting.............should I tell her????

by vitty 7 Replies latest jw experiences

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  vitty

  Dont you just hate it when you write a post and it disappears ?

  So here goes again. My sister is visiting me for a week, she knows i dont go to meeting but has never asked me about it, she would find shunning really hard so i dont think she wants to confront me although she did ask my non witness sister but she didnt tell her anything.

  So if she does ask, I was wondering the best way to deal with it. I was thing of saying

  "If you were offered a red pill or a blue pill which one would you choose. If it was the red one , everything in your life would stay the same, but i couldnt tell you anything.........................but if you chose the blue pill your life would never be the same again, even if you wanted it to be, but you would know the truth"

  If she said the red pill, I wouldnt say a thing, but if she said the blue pill where would I start. Should I talk to her , send her here , give her Crisis of Conscience to read ??

  Another problem is she is a single mum, with no other support system other than the Borg all her friends are JWs. But saying that she has no social life now

  I feel I owe her the opportunity and for the sake of her 12 year old son but I live too far away to help her when the bomb really hits home and shes on her own. I went through hell when I found out but I had a husband for support

  What would you do ??
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  IsaacJS2

  I would probably try to feel out her thoughts on the situation, then decide on what to say--and more important, how much to say. I would be as tight lipped as possible if it's clear she just wants to convert you. The more you say, the more difficult it will be. This is the surest way of avoiding a heated confrontation and minimizing hurt feelings.

  When she pops the question, you could tactfully ask her what she thinks about your inactivity. You may have to ask several questions to draw her out. This will help you to see where she's coming from, and you could follow up with other comments that could spin the conversation in your favor. If she's clearly determined to convert you, then you could start telling her you'd rather avoid the subject because it will ruin your time together. Cut it as short as you can without getting hostile and be wary of any attempts to draw you into a discussion. Otherwise, someone will say something hurtful and your week together could be a long one. Be as kind as you can in resisting her attempts to convert you, and don't let her make you feel guilty or react if she threatens you with Armageddon. If things get awkward, keep going back to your reasons for avoiding this conversation in the first place. You may have to remind her that she's the one he started this if she gets upset with you, and site it as another reason to avoid this subject. Note that if she gets insistent, she is being very disrespectful of you as a person and you have a right to discourage any conversion impulse she may have. If she tells you she has to do this anyway because Jehovah wants her to, explain to her that this is not an acceptable excuse. She should take responsibility for her own actions and not blame Jehovah. She is the one making this hard, not you.

  Bear in mind that she knows you aren't going to meetings, so she obviously knows something is wrong. She will at least have a suspicion that you have doubts about "The Truth." I don't know your sister, but the standard motive for questioning an inactive JW is to bring them back into the fold. The more information you give her, the more you are inviting her to dig in and try to get you to come back. The goal is to avoid ruining your visit, not to convince her you are right or to make her understand (unless she's a very liberal Witness). If she's a diehard Witness, you will only be wasting your time. Sad, but true.

  IsaacJ
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  penny2

  I have been asked by various members of my family why I no longer attend meetings. I tried to avoid giving an explanation for as long as I could but there comes a time when you have to face the situation.

  We are a very close family so they know me very well anyway. I ended up explaining the process I went through. That made it personal so they could understand my feelings. I explained how I remembered the publications coming out about 1975 when I was 11 years old, how I studied them, got baptized, etc etc, basically told the story of my life so they got emotionally connected. I told how I felt after 1975, through the next 20 years until finally the "generation of 1914" was discarded in 1995 through to the inevitable result of me no longer attending.

  My family now feel sorry for me but they don't shun me. If I had said, "I realised it wasn't the truth when the end didn't come in 1975 and then they did a complete turnaround in 1995 and I'm done with being lied to," that may have closed the door on any further communication.

  Most JWs who leave don't do so overnight. Everyone goes through a process and has a story to tell. If your sister truly cares about you, she may be willing to hear your story. But she most probably wouldn't be able to cope with hearing about CofC or JWD.

  I live too far away to help her when the bomb really hits home and shes on her own

  I wouldn't worry too much. Since my initial conversations with my family, we have had more indepth discussions on topics such as 607. But nothing I've said has convinced anyone.

  It's probably best to relax, have a good time with your sister, let her see what a normal and loving person you are. If the opportunity arises for a discussion, take it, but if not there's always next time.

  penny2
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  greendawn

  Given her situation it will be very difficult for her to leave even if your experience and knowledge persuade her that the JWs are a cult like organisation. It is not just the religious side it is also the social side. If a JW can move into a new support network after leaving the org they will find it much easier to leave.
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  ex-nj-jw

  I say feel her out but don't push. She may be having some doubt herself and want to see what's up with you, you never know.

  You will be able to gage how she's leaning by going slow, let her start and let her be the one asking questions. I myself was not a fader, I just left. But I do think that those that are having doubts are more receptive if you don't try to "ram it down their throats", ya know??

  Most of all just have fun and enjoy being with your sister and nephew!!!

  nj
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  Scully

  If she mentions anything, you could always say that nothing that you are doing is wrong. There's no law against showing love to anyone. Right?

  Just leave it at that.
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  sass_my_frass

  Be very aware of her sensitivity to anything she might consider an attack on her organisation. Keep it very personal, be happy, have fun, be sisters. Make it so that it would be torture for her to bring it up, and if she does, and you don't think you can deal with it, tell her that you love her and that you don't want to talk about it.
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  sass_my_frass

  ... but if you really want to get through to her, keep it personal, and make it about your long journey. What was your red pill, what got you thinking? Don't indicate that you've come to any conclusions, just that you have concerns, and that you can't talk to anybody about them because you're afraid that people will start shutting you out, like her. She'll insist on knowing. You insist on not saying.