God's genesis.log

by daystar 2 Replies latest social humour

  • daystar
    daystar

    Classic one I thought some people here might appreciate:

    God's genesis.log

    God's genesis.log from God's UNIX machine #In the beginning was the computer. And God said :Let there be light! #You have not signed on :God. #Enter user password. :Omniscient. #Password Incorrect. Try again! :Omnipotent. #Password Incorrect. Try again! :Technocrat. #And God signed on 12:01 a.m., Sunday, March 1. :Let there be light! #Unrecognizable command. Try again! :Create light. #Done. :Run heaven and earth. #And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God signed off at 12:02 a.m., Sunday, March 1. #And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Monday, March 2. :Let there be firmament in the midst of the water and #Unrecognizable command! Try again! :Create firmament. #Done. :Run firmament. #And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Monday, March 2. #And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Tuesday, March 3. :Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let the dry land appear and #Too many characters in string specification! Try again. :Create dryland. #Done! :Run dryland. #And God created Earth and Seas. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Tuesday, March 3. #And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Wednesday, March 4. :Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night. #Unspecified type. Try again! :Create sunmoonstars. #And God created Sun, Moon, Stars. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Wednesday, March 4. #And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Thursday, March 5. :Create fish. #Done. :Create fowl. #Done. :Run fish'nfowl. #And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after its kind. 0 errors. #And God signed off at 12:01 a.m., Thursday, March 5. #And God signed on at 12:00 a.m., Friday, March 6. :Create cattle. #Done. :Create creepy things. #Done. :Now let us make man in our image. #Unspecified type! Try again. :Create man. #Done. :Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over of the fowl of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth. #Too many command operands! Try again. :Run multiplication. #Execution terminated. 6 errors. :Insert breath. #O.K. :Run multiplication. #Execution terminated. 5 errors. :Move man to Garden of Eden. #File Garden of Eden does not exist. :Create Gard.En. #Done. :Move man to Gard.En. #O.K. :Run multiplication. #Execution terminated. 4 errors. :Copy woman from man. #O.K. :Run multiplication. #Execution terminated. 3 errors. :Insert woman into man. #Illegal parameters. Try again! :Insert man into woman. #O.K. :Run multiplication. #Execution terminated. 2 errors. :Create desire. #Done. :Run multiplication. #And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En. #Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors. :Create freewill. #Done. :Run freewill. #And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En. #Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors. :Undo desire. #Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created. :Destroy freewill. #Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed. #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help. :Help! #Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created. #Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed. #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help. :Create Treeofknowledge. #And God saw man'nwoman being fruitful and multiplying in the Gard.En. #Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors. :Create good'nevil. #Done. :Activate evil. #And God saw he had created shame. #Warning: System error in sector E95. Man'nwoman not in Gard.En. #1 errors. :Scan Gard.En. for man'nwoman. #Man'nwoman cannot be located. Try again! :Search Gard.En. for man'nwoman. #Search failed. :Delete shame. #Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated. :Destroy freewill. #Freewill an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed. :Stop! #Unrecognizable command. Try again. :Break :Break :Break #ATTENTION ALL USERS: SERVER GOING DOWN IN 5 MINS FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST. PLEASE SIGN OFF NOW. :Create new world. #You have exceeded your allotted file space. You must destroy old files before new ones can be created. :Destroy earth. #Destroy earth. Please confirm. #SERVER SHUTTING DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME ON SUNDAY MARCH 8 AT 6:00 A.M. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW! #And God signed off at 11:59 p.m., Friday, March 6.

  • Leolaia
    Leolaia

    Even funnier is the IRC chat log of creation and the garden of Eden: http://www.hedonistmasses.com/?p=111

  • daystar
    daystar

    Wow... haven't seen that before.

    (missing old geek humor today)

    'nother one:

    Things overheard at God's Tech Support.

    "There is an upgrade path from the Old to the New Testament, but it's difficult and unsupported."

    "We were only able to get the first seven Commandments on the stone tablets. The last three will be in Commandments '98."

    "You can't get your bush to burn? Have you tried sacrifice?"

    "The 'virgin birth' is not a bug, it's a documented feature."

    "You'll need more RAM to run all four horseman concurrently."

    "The first semaphore is being dropped, the second is returning an olive branch."

    "I.S. says it will rain for exactly 20 days."

    "Kai's Revelations Tools produce some really cool effects but they're difficult to understand and use."

    "We killed the process, but three days later it came back."

    "The walls of Jericho won't fall without a 100% fully compatible Soundblaster Card."

    "The voice of God is a standardized protocol, but each prophet implements it differently."

    "My wife looked at K&R and now she's a pillar of salt."

    "Each loaf and fish comes with an AOL disk!"

    "Yes, the documentation is poorly organized, contradictory and written by committee. It's still better than UNIX man pages."

    "Adam & Eve would still be in the garden if they'd eaten the Windows."

    "Who told you that? Lucifer? Of COURSE he'd say heaven has heating problems."

    "Ah, no sir. No, I'm afraid not. We stopped honoring indulgences hundreds of years ago."

    "No. I'm afraid not. That's NOT what the Rapture is all about. In fact, that's still classified as a sin".

    "No, no, no. That's NOT what was meant by 'Love thy neighbor as thyself'."

    "The Apocrypha? I'm sorry sir. We don't support third party additions."

    "Yes we do offer a lifetime guarantee. As long as you registered yourself with us via baptism, you're covered. Yes, even then. Yes, we know it's quite a good deal. Why thank you, we like to think it's the best deal around."

    "Did you read the release notes for Godly service? No? Well, it clearly states that 'Celibate' was a typo. It should have been 'Celebrate'... Sir? Sir?"

    "Yes, there's an SDK and we have done some limited partnerships in the past. In fact, some developers had access to the Miracles SDK for awhile. However, we ran into some problems with legal, so it was pulled."

    "I'm sorry. There currently no way to extend the beta period for an individual human."

    "The office of God has no official comment on the use or existence of other 'companies', past, present or future."

    "We simply provide a tool called 'life'. It's neither good nor bad. What you do with it is up to you. However, you may want to get in touch with our marketing department so we can use you as an endorsement or case study if things go particularly well."

    "Satan called in again, pretending to be a customer."

    "Man, I hate taking those walking on water calls, especially when they've already fallen in a few times."

    "I'm sorry sir, but we do not support life on Mars."

    "You killed your son to prove your faith? Didn't you see the addendum to the readme.txt?"

    "We have seen problems with receiving the Holy Spirit, so we need to re-initialize your COM port."

    "I'm very sure that if it's got serial number 666, it's not our product."

    "You're feeling lustful for your neighbor's wife? We have a technote for that."

    "Worshipping a false idol certainly is in violation of the support agreement."

    "Ma'am, yelling at me isn't going to make Him fix the problem any sooner."

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