We recently attended our first "apostafest" and as others were doing, took lots of pictures, both at the wedding and on Sunday. Checking the board after we got back, several were begging to see photos. Someone else posted some, and so I picked out some of ours and posted them as well. Soon we received a PM from someone in our photos who didn’t want their picture to be seen on the board, since they are fading. They ID’d the numbers of the photos where they appeared, and so I went to photobucket and deleted those photos from the album (link). I hadn’t been on the board for a day or so and this morning noticed 2 PMs. One from two other persons who wanted their photos removed as well, due to fading, and one from an administrator informing me that my thread had been temporarily removed to a holding area as a consequence. I informed the administrator that I wished the thread to just be deleted, at this point. Apparently taking a camera to an apostafest is not a good idea. Or at least not if you intend on sharing them on the board, which would seem the natural thing to do.
I want to say that I bear no bad feelings toward any who wanted their pictures removed, and I understand their reasons and respect them. But this has been a learning experience for me. There are more profound issues underlying this situation which you may wish to comment on. Overall, the situation to me, is disturbing.
Even at an apostafest, a place where so many of us who have never met each other, can gather in compassion and shared tragedy and joy, the organization's ugly tentacles are there, under the surface, influencing how we act with one another — a form of domination. It proves that we are still not totally "free", to the extent that we submit to this, or submit to others submitting to it. No matter what rationalization is used, that's the bottom line.
There should be no fear of the organization. By continuing to fear them, we continue to enable them, which is just the opposite of what I think we should be doing. As we all know, if they want to DF you, they'll DF you, even if they have to fabricate something as a basis. To continue to live in fear and continue to feel like we have to hide what we are, so as not to spoil what in all honesty is at best a superficial relationship with relatives still "in", is to be false to ourselves, and to them. I recognize the rationale that "unless you have relatives in, you cannot understand what it's like." And I in no way discount that reality. I appreciate that it's a huge emotional struggle. But at the same time, I believe that should be counterbalanced with the reality that by continuing to "pretend" to be accepting of the organization, even tacitly, is to send the perfectly wrong message to our loved ones, and provides an unintended encouragement for them to stay right where they are. And in the process, adds to the empowerment of the organization. To take an honest and firm stand, sends the perfectly right message, and removes all empowerment from the organization. Yes, there may well be a huge emotional pricetag when it comes to relatives. But if others choose to shun us, that is their choice and their responsibility. In the end, how do we cause them greater harm? By lying to them, or by being honest with them? Or is this really about what’s best for us, not them?
I realize, of course, that it’s infinitely easier for me, a person without any relatives still captive, to reason this way. But what do you think? Is there any validity to these points?
Lenny