What Do I Do Now?

by R.F. 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  R.F.

  As some of you may know, i'm currently an active JW that is tired of the lies, deception, and overall bs of the WTS. Right now i'm finding myself going into the angry stage as to how manupulative the org is in the lives of so many and how they ruin them. I feel a little helpless sometimes now that I just wonder how things will turn out. (Sorry for being vague throughout the rest of this pargraph but I must do so for obvious reasons.) For instance, I truly am happy for my blessings. For one, none of my siblings are in the org so no worries of shunning there. My mother kept being close friends with a disfellowshipped sis so I know she wouldn't shun me. My father i'm not too sure of. He has a bad reputation and is a big victim of gossp in the congregation and I think he knows it. I would hate that he shun me for some people that have no love for him at all. The thing that i'm worried about is how my family will view me when realizing me trying to fade out of the org, especially after me having different positions of responsibility in the cong. Between all the JW members trying to get all the "juicy details" and my parents in particular having to put up with that, I wonder how or if it would affect them. The thing I love about my mother(not baptized but associates with cong regularly) is that she's a super intelligent woman that doesn't like to put up with crap from ANYONE, not even JWs. She even told me that she doesn't deal with alot of them, sisters in particular(sorry ladies), because she knows the stress that comes with it. Then too there's my fiancee who i've just informed that I truly am doing thorough research on things that the bOrg teaches and she says i'm smart for doing so. But I wonder if it's an entire different story once I attempt my fade out of the org.

  Sometimes I get so frustrated that I want to just send my DA letter and get it all over with, but I guess more patience will have to be exercised on my part just to be on the safe side so that there won't be too many difficulties. And now i'm wondering of what to do to fill the void when I do fade out. As many of you know, it can be confusing, even scary as to what to do, and what will happen in your life. I definitely want to go back to college, that will be one way. I know I need to make more friends. I've realized some time ago that people "in the world" arent so bad. At least your friendship with them wouldn't really be conditional as with JWs. There are also different hobbies I want to explore. I can't believe how unbalanced I was as a JW, and that no matter how much I did, I never felt I was doing enough for God and so many activities I wanted to do I pushed aside.

  Also, I want to spend more time with my family. I get angry at myself still for once believing "the congregation comes first" line. I love my family very much and my immediate family are truly the only friends I have no matter what I do, and I want to build an even stronger bond with them.

  As far as spiritually, I haven't given up hope in the Bible. Its been a wonderful experience to read the Bible with an open mind, without the WT blinders to guide the way. Its just wonderful that im truly understanding the true concept of Christianity and how refreshing it is as Jesus said.

  Well I guess I just needed to vent, release a little anger and frustration. I'll be keeping you all posted.
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  bigmouth

  It's a sort of limbo for you now. I'm glad your fiancee is listening and thinking. She's the one I'd be thinking of first. Will she go with you or not? Could you stand to lose her because of your fade or would she be relieved too and..... I don't know either.
  
  I guess you have to be straight up with her sooner than later and let the cards fall where they may.
  
  "...o matter how much I did, I never felt I was doing enough for God and so many activities I wanted to do I pushed aside."- I hear that soldier. The org. sets you up for perpetual and exhausting failure.
  
  Pete
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  snowbird

  To RF

  I feel you, Brother Man. I'm inactive since 2005, have to tread carefully because my 17-year old daughter is still in. She wanted to go right into pioneering, but her dad and I made her apply for college. The thing is, there's no easy way of leaving the WTS. Its tentacles reach out to encompass every area of our lives.

  Reading the Bible on my own, praying to Jesus (yes, Jesus!!!) helps me a lot. I know He understands because He underwent the most trialsome times of any of us. From reading John chapter 7, we see that He was rejected by His immediate family as well as His nation. Imagine how He must have felt.

  Anyway, you're in good company here on this board. Talk about multi-cultural diversity! But, one thing we all have in common is that we've found out about the cunning and duplicity of the WTS.

  Snowbird
• 

  WTWizard

  Here are the options:

  (1) Fading.
  This means you stop going to meetings and decreasing your service. Or, you can move out of town and not leave a forwarding address. The down side is that they might catch you and bust you. This option also wastes their time since they have to wonder what meetings you are going to, if any, and they also have to waste time on houndingshepherding calls. Best if you can move to a border of your territory, just on the other side, attend some of the other congregation meetings, but not officially switch congregations, and then start missing both meetings.

  (2) The Disassociation Letter.This means you are going to get it done in one step. You will be shunned by those left in, but that means they cannot hound you to go to meetings. Expect a houndingshepherding call about once a year, though they can fall way behind on this, to see if you still feel this way. Better if you don't have family in the "truth", but you forgo the opportunity to waste their time.

  (3) Getting Disfellowshipped.
  This can be for anything you did before you came in. You can expect to be called in for a kangaroo courtjudicial hearing. By not showing up for this, you are likely to be disfellowshipped. You can even make something up. You can expect to be shunned, and get a houndingshepherding call about once a year if they feel like it. Again, you are through, you cannot be hounded to go to meetings or out in service, and you forgo the waste of their time.

  Remember, if you take (2) or (3), and later realize you want to go back, you will have to regularly attend the boasting sessionsmeetings for a period of time, which is totally up to them and can be lengthened by them to control you. (If you do feel like going back, a quick visit to www.sixscreensofthewatchtower.com or www.watchthetower.com could change your mind quickly).

  The best you can do is to list these options and choose which offers the greatest benefits to the cost. Or you can stay; obviously the cost of staying is too high for you and the benefits are illusory. The three options each have costs and benefits. Weigh the costs and benefits for you on each option, and then find the one that gives you the greatest net benefit. And good luck with whatever you choose.
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  serotonin_wraith

  It seems that the only thing that could be a problem is losing your fiance. If you can sort that out, I wouldn't bother with any of their 'rules of departure'. Just stop going, and if people start asking, tell them you're now out and that's the end of the story. The rest is none of their business.

  If you realize it's all a bunch of sh*t, who cares what a few elderly men think of your actions? They're not being guided by any god, they're just men, and they deserve no more information on your personal religious choices than strangers on the street. Why act like they're still in control?
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  OnTheWayOut

  But I wonder if it's an entire different story once I attempt my fade out of the org.

  Sometimes I get so frustrated that I want to just send my DA letter and get it all over with, but I guess more patience will have to be exercised on my part just to be on the safe side so that there won't be too many difficulties.

  A DA'ed poster told me how there was no finality in fading, so he couldn't do it. He would not be able to vote
  or become politically active, he would not be able to openly celebrate Christmas with his kids or non-JW
  family. While it's not his norm, he wouldn't be able to get drunk with the guys or buy lottery tickets. He
  decided against the fade.

  I envy the freedom. I think my mother wouldn't shun me, but I don't want to find out. Fading has some
  disadvantages. It could always not be successful, even after years.

  BUT you can always DA later if it doesn't work out for some reason. I will slowly get my wife used to my
  increased freedoms to do what I want (except voting and open holiday-celebrations). I will show the non-JW
  family my appreciation to them near the holidays or birthdays, but they will understand.
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  White Dove

  Hi!

  I've been there and still am there. So difficult to know exactly what to do. I want to send my DA letter now so badly but don't dare on account of my grandparents. I have found fading very difficult as I have to hide what I do: A NORMAL LIFE! 1/2 of my family is not in the lie and the 1/2 that is treats them very badly. I worry they would do that to me. As far as occupying my time, I am so busy with kids, college, and church that I don't have time to do much else. I would start making friends out there right now so you won't feel so isolated after the separation from WTS is complete. I needed to do that, anyway. I read the NKJV and the NWT (for comparison) regularly. Did you know that the NWT says that Thomas wanted to see his hands with the holes of the nailS? Nails! Plural! I was floored. The other sheep's identity floored me, too. Gentiles, no less! Wow! Now, that's quality Bible reading.