Do you spend an inordinate amount of time thinking of responses you would

by troubled mind 8 Replies latest jw friends

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  troubled mind

  like to make to your ex-witness friends and or family members. Sometimes I think I am becoming obsessive about it . I see former "friends" and JW relations everyday .We live in a community of 6,000 and there are six witness families on my street alone. If I bump into them at the store I know I make them uncomfortable ,but I always greet them with a smile and pleasant greeting ...they don't know what to make of it .

  Today my sister-in-law was getting out of her car as I was passing so I pulled over to see how her mother is doing (just had an operation ). We have not talked in over a year . She came over to the car though and said "OH I was just thinking of you !..I really miss you " ....I said well feel free to stop by anytime ....... Now I wonder if her Elder hubsand and her will drop by during service so they can count the time ? .......... Now I keep running through my mind what things I will say to them if they do come by .....how careful will I word things yet stay loyal to myself on what I now believe .

  Do you do this too ?

  So far the best response for me to the question 'Why did you stop going to meetings ?', has been "Because I was no longer happy "

  After forty years something in my life was not right to always feel so guilty , and not good enough . I use to think it was because of being raised in a home with an alcoholic ......but now i

  know it is because of constantly denying myself the right to think and follow my own conscience.

  I found several similarities to being a witness and being raised with an alcoholic ,such as the overwhelming feeling of walking on egg shells so as not to upset anyone . Keeping many things quiet and not openly discussing issues . Feeling different from everyone else around you by that I mean not normal .

  This is a long ramble I apologize just need to get some feelings out ...
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  compound complex

  Yes, I have, Troubled Mind,

  But not so much any more as I've been away from meetings for a year and inactive a year and a half. There are so many congregations here that JWs just assume I'm in another one. When asked, I just say that I'm "assigned" to XXXX congregation - which is true. I was ill for so long that my friends knew I was hit-and-miss about meetings for years.
  I am in daily touch w/ JWs due to work or family ties, and I try to say what I can to be helpful and upbuilding along the lines of the real TRUTH, but we "double agents" must tread lightly so's to not defeat our purpose. Kindness and gentleness, which you indicate you endeavor always to display, is of utmost importance, IMHO.
  How God opens up hearts and minds in this very difficult space we occupy remains to be seen for many of us. Some here at JWD have been blessed already with tangible results. Let's keep at it!

  CoCo
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  RollerDave

  I've spent my fair share of time running 'scenarios' and then spent other people's fair share of time too.

  Playing 'what if' can be a valuable tool for coping, I don't think its anything to worry about unless it gets to the point where your ability to function is impaired.

  Your situation certainly uncerscores the need to tread carefully and stay positive, I think it's admirable that you manage this.

  It makes me grateful for my situation, I don't walk on eggs fot anyone, if I'm doing what I think is right and they have a problem with that they can go chew rocks.

  I guess that's a rather blatant position and a luxury others might not possess.

  So your mileage may vary, results not typical.

  Roller
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  jaguarbass

  Better to view your feelings and opinions here. Talking to them could get you in trouble and at some point be construde as appostacy. They arent going to agree with you.

  If they felt like you they'd be here posting and not in service and meetings.

  You cant be a JW and have free will, Free will is apostacy to JWs.

  I've been out since 83, there comes a time when you dont even think about being a jehober any more.
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  OnTheWayOut

  I have a folder full of papers that reminds me of subjects that WTS writings are just wrong on.
  The papers include quotes from the WT Library and enough analysis on the quotes to get
  a good argument going. I have stuff on blood, education, this generation, false prophecy,
  the NWT, etc. etc.

  I had planned many arguments with my body of elders, but never started any of them.
  A rational voice from JWD convinced me not to bother- just fade away by walking away.

  I still try (as Open Mind does) to think of how to discuss topics with the wife and mother.
  Yes, it's an inordinate amount of time, but I just broke out of a mind-control cult recently.
  You have to expect a healing process for a few months.
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  undercover

  I used to run scenerios through in my mind to get a handle on how to deal with people who may question my intent, but I never really needed it outside of my family.

  But then I was pretty much faded out and didn't need to worry about it, until recently. There has been some developments lately where I will have to spend more time with some congregation members due to family issues. Since I know that I will be amongst the Philistines, so to speak, I've been practicing my slingshot again. I've found myself running scenerios through my mind again, in case I find myself cornered by a pack of ravenous JWs.

  At times I think its helpful, at other times, I think I'm obsessing and need to let it go.
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  delilah

  Yes I did, when I first left. I'm not very good at quick responses, so I felt it necessary to run scenerios by my husband. Then, whenever I was confronted, I knew what I would say. I must admit, it all but drove my husband mad, but he understood why I did it, and it worked.

  Now, I don't even recognize the witnesses when I see them, and they will not speak, so I don't need to do it anymore.
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  sass_my_frass

  I used to do that, and the list got too long, and I never got to use it. My suggestion: If they visit (they won't), ignore the big elephant in the room. They'll eventually bring it up. Your answer is good; just don't elaborate on why. They're looking for either an angle in to save you, or an angle to get you out. The best thing you can do for yourselves and them is to leave it alone and make them wonder why.

  Actually, the best thing you can do for yourself is be happy! Go out and do something fun today won't you? And then again tomorrow. Keep doing this every day.
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  troubled mind

  I want to thank each and everyone of you that responded to this thread . You will never know just how much of a boost it was for me . Sometimes I really feel quite invisible, as if no one really hears me or cares , but you all just validated me again, thanks. It helps to know others are going through a similar process and it really helps to see others are years into it and doing well. I am so much happier now ,but I do go through emotional roller coasters at times . I agree thinking scenarios out in my mind is a good coping skill . As far as the JW relatives go ,I really don't expect they will ever stop by it's been almost two years now . I think they are afraid to know what I really think ,and just want to leave sleeping dogs lie. I do wonder though if anyone has seen me attending the neighborhood church . That could cause a confrontation . I am doing more fun things such as doing things with co workers . Last night I went over to a friends house drank wine watched American Idol and relaxed in their hot tub .This weekend we are going out to a listen to some bands . Things are not as dissmal as I feel I guess. lol