My situation might not be all that bad after all.

by R.F. 9 Replies latest jw experiences

  • R.F.
    R.F.

    As many of you know, i've mentally left the organization but i'm still actively involved, even with positions of responsibility. I wanted to do a successful quiet fade out of the org but at the same time I don't want any involvement with it. I would love to send a DA letter right now but some things had been holding me back.

    For one my relationship with my fiancee......it was truly a difficult situation. I was afraid of losing her and expressed some doubts to her one issue....the 607 belief. At first she said that I was smart to investigate my beliefs. Then a couple of days later she said that I worried her and she couldn't explain why. I knew it had to be the fact that I questioned the WTS and she felt I was on the first step to apostasy. Now the table has turned....we are no longer together, and I think its definitely for the best. She wants to live in strict, unquestioned obedience to the GB, and I don't, so I wouldn't have worked out.

    Second, my immediate family...........At first I was quite afraid as to what the outcome would be if I DAed myself. After doing some heavy thinking however, I realize that things might not be all that bad. For one my father and I are the only baptized Witnesses in my family. None of my siblings are JWs, and my mom is involved but hasn't taken a stand to get baptized, nor do I think she wants to. Actually there was a sister that was disfellowshipped(now reinstated) years back and my mom actually told me that she remained friends with her and contacted her daily, so I know that my mother wouldn't shun me. My dad is the iffy subject...i'm not too sure where he stands on the issue. He can be a complete jerk sometimes and alot of times I don't think it would hurt if he shunned me. But at the same time I don't want him to cast me off, especially not over the WTS. He's known by the congregation as being "spiritually weak", and there are many rumors flying about him. I just hope he wouldn't leave me for this bunch of people that have no love for him.

    Now I will say that I really have only 1 very close friends in the org, but too we have drifted apart lately, mainly because of some difficulties he's been going through. I'm not sure if he'd shun me or not. It seems like the time when SOME are there is when a disaster happens...and most times thats in a minimal way that the avail themselves to aid someone. So if I DAed myself I really wouldn't be losing much of a social base, except possibly one friend, which I would hate happen.

    Something else that's interesting is the fact that I have an aunt that used to study with JWs for years...this was maybe 20 years back. Now she works for a church. I never really asked her why she stopped studying but I truly wonder if she is one I could confide in if I formally leave the org. She lives in a city about 2 hours away from me, and I have many cousins there that are very close to each other emotionally. I'm pretty much the only one that isn't within their circle, even though I once was back when much younger...mainly because of being told not to associate so much with "worldly" relatives. Then too, having responsibilities in the org didn't leave me with much time for them. And we can't forget the "the congregation comes first" rule, which I so stupidly applied. But I think that if I put more effort towards being their for them that I can become closer to them, and get much support from them as well.

    So overall after much thought, I wonder I would be missing much if I left the org. Am I just putting myself through an unneccesary burden by staying in?

  • Junction-Guy
    Junction-Guy

    I think that given your situation, you have the opportunity to leave with minimal damage. I would seize this opportunity.



  • ex-nj-jw
    ex-nj-jw

    Doesn't sound like you have too much to loose, except your dad. Do what you feel is right. If leaving gives you peace of mind then do it! If staying and playing the fade game won't be burdensome to you then do that.

    I personally would never be able to sit in a kingdumb hall and listen to that crap ever, to smile in those who only conditionally love me or are only my friends conditionally would drive me nuts.

    But you gotta handle this situation in whatever way you feel is best for you, we all are different. Just start doing things that make you happy!!

    nj

  • Amber Rose
    Amber Rose

    Could you move to a congregation across town or where you're not very well known because you need a "fresh perspective" with all that has just happened to you. Go a few times then just forget to show up ever again. Just a thought.

  • R.F.
    R.F.

    Could you move to a congregation across town or where you're not very well known because you need a "fresh perspective" with all that has just happened to you. Go a few times then just forget to show up ever again. Just a thought

    I have kept this idea under consideration and I think I might do it.

  • stevenyc
    stevenyc

    Hi RF,

    After reading your post it sounds to me like you've already made your decision to leave. As regards your one friend in the organization, well, if that person is a true friend, then I'm sure you'll still keep in touch. Your mother has no congregational reason to shun you, so it's doubtful she will, and therefore your father will probably see you, if only as a bi-product of your moms contact.

    If you can't talk to your, talking to your aunt may be a good idea. Unless there is bad blood between her and your parents, your still 'keeping you trouble local' so to speak.


    If you are going to leave the org., and you don't want to submit a DA, then here's the procedure:

    1) Stop your responsibilities at the hall, and get off the TMS schedule. IMPORTANT: Say this is because of psychological / stress related problems with depression.

    2) After this stop going to the group meeting

    3) Then stop going to the TMS / Service meeting

    4) Then the Public talk / Watchtower


    You are now on your way out.

    If at any time (which will happen) the elders try to come around to "shepherd" you, refuse, once again using depression / anxiety.

    This processes should take no more than three months.


    Good Luck

    steve

  • DJK
    DJK

    Damn, you lost the woman you loved? To the borg? It's time to move on and leave the borg behind, far behind.

  • truthsearcher
    truthsearcher

    Hey RF: I suspect that the more you mentally and spiritually break away from the org, the less palatable a fade will be...you know that feeling of relief you had when you and your fiancee parted ways? I can only imagine that it would be 10000% more when you leave the WT. The more you study the Bible without their blinders on your eyes, I suspect the less you will be able to stomach the wrong doctrines.

    But, you may get the desire to help some of the JWs out of the org...if so, you might need to lay low for a while.

    You certainly have a good reason for being overwhelmed and not "ready to attend meetings again" though with all the personal stuff going on in your life lately...

    What about having lunch or something with your aunt and sending out some feelers. Maybe she has been praying for your family for years, and this would be the highlight of her year!

  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee
    Am I just putting myself through an unneccesary burden by staying in?

    From what you have posted - I'd say YES. Start getting in contact with your aunt. Maybe she can help get a family get together going - re-introduce you to your cousins, reach out to them, establish closer relationships with them. Make it clear to your father that you still love him and want a relationship with him. You never know, he might not shun you. My mother did for a little while, but eventually came around.

    BB

  • delilah
    delilah
    So overall after much thought, I wonder I would be missing much if I left the org. Am I just putting myself through an unneccesary burden by staying in?

    It doesn't sound like you'd be missing much, RF.

    Bumble Bee said :

    Start getting in contact with your aunt. Maybe she can help get a family get together going - re-introduce you to your cousins, reach out to them, establish closer relationships with them.

    Great advice...you have lots of family behind you, and maybe your dad will leave the "truth" too, once you do. That would be great.

    Best of luck to you, RF. You'll feel so much better after this is all behind you. We're here for you too.

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