As many of you know, i've mentally left the organization but i'm still actively involved, even with positions of responsibility. I wanted to do a successful quiet fade out of the org but at the same time I don't want any involvement with it. I would love to send a DA letter right now but some things had been holding me back.
For one my relationship with my fiancee......it was truly a difficult situation. I was afraid of losing her and expressed some doubts to her one issue....the 607 belief. At first she said that I was smart to investigate my beliefs. Then a couple of days later she said that I worried her and she couldn't explain why. I knew it had to be the fact that I questioned the WTS and she felt I was on the first step to apostasy. Now the table has turned....we are no longer together, and I think its definitely for the best. She wants to live in strict, unquestioned obedience to the GB, and I don't, so I wouldn't have worked out.
Second, my immediate family...........At first I was quite afraid as to what the outcome would be if I DAed myself. After doing some heavy thinking however, I realize that things might not be all that bad. For one my father and I are the only baptized Witnesses in my family. None of my siblings are JWs, and my mom is involved but hasn't taken a stand to get baptized, nor do I think she wants to. Actually there was a sister that was disfellowshipped(now reinstated) years back and my mom actually told me that she remained friends with her and contacted her daily, so I know that my mother wouldn't shun me. My dad is the iffy subject...i'm not too sure where he stands on the issue. He can be a complete jerk sometimes and alot of times I don't think it would hurt if he shunned me. But at the same time I don't want him to cast me off, especially not over the WTS. He's known by the congregation as being "spiritually weak", and there are many rumors flying about him. I just hope he wouldn't leave me for this bunch of people that have no love for him.
Now I will say that I really have only 1 very close friends in the org, but too we have drifted apart lately, mainly because of some difficulties he's been going through. I'm not sure if he'd shun me or not. It seems like the time when SOME are there is when a disaster happens...and most times thats in a minimal way that the avail themselves to aid someone. So if I DAed myself I really wouldn't be losing much of a social base, except possibly one friend, which I would hate happen.
Something else that's interesting is the fact that I have an aunt that used to study with JWs for years...this was maybe 20 years back. Now she works for a church. I never really asked her why she stopped studying but I truly wonder if she is one I could confide in if I formally leave the org. She lives in a city about 2 hours away from me, and I have many cousins there that are very close to each other emotionally. I'm pretty much the only one that isn't within their circle, even though I once was back when much younger...mainly because of being told not to associate so much with "worldly" relatives. Then too, having responsibilities in the org didn't leave me with much time for them. And we can't forget the "the congregation comes first" rule, which I so stupidly applied. But I think that if I put more effort towards being their for them that I can become closer to them, and get much support from them as well.
So overall after much thought, I wonder I would be missing much if I left the org. Am I just putting myself through an unneccesary burden by staying in?