In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United
States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and
over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few
good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the
Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in
his yard, but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I
needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about
the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the
neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and
exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development
Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted
for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead
the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the
sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees
in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists
that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group
sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their
will. They argued the accommodation was going to be too restrictive, and it
was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd
conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on
how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card statusof most
of the people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have
to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming
I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me
to finish this Ark. "
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a
rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean
you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."