Scientists has long searched for an answer as to why we age. There appears to be no physiological reason for the phenomena, neither within the cells, or our DNA structure. For all their effort they cannot tell us why our bodies don't just keep regenerating forever, why we grow old.
Stupid scientists, they were looking in the wrong place.
Allow me to elaborate, but be warned, this may go long.
Your child is born and she's so tiny. A miraculous little life clinging to a thread, first in intensive care for two months, and then in your arms and you wish you could have given her a better mother, one the nurses aren't uneasy sending her home with, one who showed some natural affection.
Through infancy and early childhood you watch her grow and learn, fight with her mother, try to keep your heads above water and do the right thing and then...
In an instant, it's all gone.
Just five years old, she goes to her grandmother's for the weekend and the weekend ends, her father's in the hospital, her mother has made off with all the money and is in another state, and she has no home to return to. Grandma's is fun, and Mama was already pretty much gone anyways, but she is still worried about Papa.
Papa gets out of the hospital and begins the long road of recovery, seems some bad stuff happened to him before her time and it finally requires attention. He slowly gets better.
Eventually she's nine and finally able to live with Papa again, but he still has issues and it's subsidized disabled housing. She discovers guitar, keyboard, Macs, and the Internet. plays with Barbie, My little Pony, and a NEW DOG! Papa's getting it together and she has so many questions about life, who will she be? what will she do? how will she get there? And for that matter, how did she get HERE?
It gives Papa some things to think about, but he comes up with some answers.
Then Papa meets a new woman, but she's awesome. Beck knows all that girlie stuff, hair and makeup, clothes and shopping, giggling and smiling. Best of all, Beck HAS TIME for her. Papa is finally not lonely, but still makes time for his daughter.
Thirteen and her first birthday party ever, now living in a little river town, still subsidized, but more upscale. Her Papa has a really large electric scooter and she goes out on nightly rides with him and they talk about life, leadership, duty, responsibility, showing good judgement and objectivity, choosing associates wisely, It seems Papa has made every mistake in the book and has advice on how to avoid them. It's good to talk to someone who has gone before and knows the way, and although she will not remember the details of these conversations, her life will show the fruit of their sinking in on a subconscious level from that day forward.
She looks at her Papa and sees, not a man, but a concept. impervious to raging time, enduring forever, He has always been there and in her eyes he always will be. He seems as solid as the earth itself, but sometimes he cries and she doesn't know why, and he doesn't move as quick as when she was just a tyke. But, he's Papa, a battleship on dry land, nothing will change him.
Fads and band-obsessions come and go, she's sixteen and had her sweet sixteen at the Mall of America. Papa and Beck have given her everything, They have never failed to sacrifice for her but she isn't spoiled. She is truly grateful for all she has and doesn't expect a thing.
She carefully chooses her friends, and her course in life. She has decided she likes boys, but guards her heart. Her Papa has talked at length about that and she is a good girl and listens intently. She doesn't want heart ache and wants to make Papa proud.
And she does.
Eighteen, and she lives with Papa and Beck on the side of a bluff along the river, in a home they own. Beck has a great job because she got through for years of college, and she plans on doing the same. Papa is the same as ever, driven to excellence that always seems just out of reach, but that is as it ever was. Papa is a hard worker, and even levers himself out of his wheelchair to join in on the construction work when he can.
So she gets a job and is a hard worker too. She chases excellence, knowing she will not ever catch perfection, but knowing she can do each task better the next time. Pap has put a lifetime into finding the best ways to do anything he has to do, precisely achieving good results with less movement, and she embraces this concept, becoming just as good as the old man.
But she is lonely. Papa has Beck, who loves him desperately, as he loves Beck, but she has nobody, and is not sure she ever will.
There have been boys who show interest, but she has standards and wants to avoid that pesky heartache, plus she's not sure any boy will ever be good enough for Papa. Oh, but she insists on referring to them as 'guys.'
More long talks. Papa explains that in spite of what the doomsday cult taught, and contrary to the prattle from the rest of the family, youth is for finding love, building your life, discovering the world, and yourself.
Papa assures her that she is, indeed, ready to be an adult. and that he will not kill any young men she takes a liking to, at least not immediately. Papa says that he knows that the young man she finds who makes her heart glad won't be perfect, but all that matters is that he's trying, and open to reason.
Papa is, as always, immutable, unchanged from the time the foundations of the earth were laid down in the mid sixties, at least in HER eyes he is, but he claims to be feeling the weight of the years.
Time seems to hang on that sweet moment between childhood and adult life, caught between and enjoying the best of both. But like a note held too long, it begins to grate and the urge to move on becomes irresistible. Yet, her efforts at romance bear no fruit and she struggles to keep hope.
Then a young man comes along and actually seems rather nice. Non-smoker, not a part of the ghetto culture of failure, good sense of humor, some chemistry there...
The time comes for the young man to come to the house and meet Papa. He is nervous, she is nervous, and although he doesn't show it much, Papa is very very nervous.
Papa knows that the cycle of life is inevitable, she was a baby, then a child, then a teen and he enjoyed her journey right along with her, but it's not his job to live her life for her, nor to stand in the way. His life cycle ends in a hole in the ground and he knows it.
Then the young man is there, and he's not making it easy on Papa. He doesn't make a single error, gives Papa no reason to dislike him, and actually endures the painful infliction of family photos eagerly.
Papa now knows what 'the enemy' looks like, lol.
She is amazed that the young man wants to come back, and help out on a major project. He will be working with Papa, but will he measure up? She thinks she is deciding she really likes this fellow, but fears the future as much as she longs for it.
The young man proves himself to be respectful, earnest, a hard worker, self directing and sharp as a tack. He is immensely helpful and shows consideration for her, stepping in to help lift things, watching for a need and filling it, but still nervous about the old man in the wheelchair with the rather large pistol in his pocket. He is afraid to show an interest in this beautiful girl he feels so fortunate to have found with that imposing presence looming nearby. The man is like a mountain, like a battleship on dry land. It's obvious he's tough as nails and sees right through the young man, he knows what that young man is thinking because he has been there before.
But the man in the chair is old. His hair in thinning on top, and there is grey showing in his hair and beard. His expression is hard, but his eyes alternate between laughing, and some indefinable hauntedness. He sees the future in the chemistry between these two young people.
If it is not THIS young man, it will be another. It's her choice, not Papa's and he is acutely aware of it. The man who would be damned if there was ever ANYTHING he couldn't do is now faced with just that.
Papa sees these two young people working so well together, laughing, joking... Both wanting to go forward but fearful, and knows the game is up.
She looks at her Pap and sees, perhaps for the first time, that he is going grey, that he has grown old. He seems to have aged decades since the young man arrived and has an odd look on his face.
He has discovered the reason we grow old, the reason we age.
It's our kids. One day, they are grown up and fly away. They find love and bring guys around that didn't know us back in the day, who don't have the accumulation of experiences to see us the way our kids have come to. They break the bubble and reveal the true people behind the concept of eternal endurance.
Suddenly we see ourselves through their eyes. The old Man. The father of an adult daughter. Potential obstacle, or maybe mentor?
As hard as it can be, Time has the final word and waits for no man. That old hole in the earth awaits us all, I'm just a little further along the road that I was. Nothing new about THAT, I wasn't supposed to survive this long anyway so it's all cake from here. It's just that now I see the road stretching out in front AND behind and am becoming my father.
Well, he WAS a big help, and she seems pretty happy.
Maybe this won't be all THAT bad.
I'm tired of fighting anyway.
Roller