by brinjen 6 Replies latest social humour
Ok, this is a fun thread inspired by my recent news that I can now tell my boss "I quit" as I have another job elsewhere (doesn't start for 3 weeks though)
It could be an actual experience, or it could be something you make up. Think of the worst boss/job you ever had and the most fun way you can think of to tell him/her "I QUIT!"
Just remember to keep within the posting guidelines...
Happy 666 brinjen! and congrats on the upcoming new job
When I got made redundant from my previous job, my boss who was such an arrogant basket case and had his head so far up his own ass that he probably hadn't seen daylight for decades told me I would be required to work my 90 days notice period.
Just for clarity, in the UK they have to give you notice of redundancy - the norm is that they let you leave immediately on full pay for the notice period - because the chances are that the employee would not give their best, may sabotage processes and they are allowed **reasonable** time off work to search for a new job anyway - its considered better to just let them go.
I was furious and literally did tell him to stick the notice where the sun don't shine, so he stomped off to complain to the personnel officer about my 'attitude' - who promptly told him in no uncertain terms that I would NOT be required to work the notice period - HA!!! I did give him a two-fingered salute as I left too.
One company I worked for 10 years ago used to lease all of it's computer equipment. No one kept up with the paperwork, and one day it was dumped in my lap. It was a mess and even the accounting department didn't want to tackle it. I spent a lot of time doing inventory and constructing a database of all the equipment, what was leased, how much we were paying versus how much we should have been paying, etc. Much of the equipment was no longer in use, some was missing. All told, we had been overcharged by the leasing company in excess of $100,000. This money was not retrievable, as the leasing company was, according to the fine print in the contracts, entitled to charge us the full rental amount after the expiry of leases. It was up to our accounting department to advise the leasing company, in writing, that the equipment would be either purchased, returned, or rented at a reduced rate.
In an effort to recoup their losses, my employer decided to cut my position from full time to 3 days a week. The next day I found a new, better paying job and gave my notice.
W
I used to work for this absolute weasel of a boss. He was younger than me, but friends with the CEO so naturally that made him golden. I hated it.
In short order I got a new job with a competitor for about 30% more salary and they were very eager for me to start as soon as I could. Usually when someone is going to a competitor, companies will buy out their two week notice and just let them go there.
This ass wanted me to work out the whole time. He was just being spiteful.
So I show up the next day in jeans and t-shirt and start hard at work. I jammed up the printer queue with the company client list. My boss came out looking for something he printed and saw a 150 page document churning off the printer. He called out asking who was printing this off and why so I raised my hand and asked if it was done yet.
He was dense. He asked what I planned to do with the list since I was going to be gone in two weeks. I just shrugged and said I might find a usefulness for it past my employment with him. He paused, thought about it, then unplugged the printer and took the list.
I laughed and went back to playing solitaire.
This turned into a back and forth all morning. He wanted me to quit so he didn't have to pay severance, I wanted him to fire me so I would get some easy money.
Much to his dismay, the CEO stopped by for a surprise visit in the afternoon. This was a great blessing, our head office was 1000km away and the CEO just happened to show up that day. He was big on "motivational displays" so he walks by the sales pit next to me and starts trying to energize the sales guys.
"Hey Jack, how are the cold calls today?"
"Hey Dave, big sales this month?"
My cubicle ajoined the sales area, so I lean back and say energetically "Hey Bob, why don't you ask me what I'm working on?"
At this point I hear my boss scurrying out of his chair in the office next to me trying, no doubt to intercept the incoming conversation.
Bob: "Hey [para], what are you working on today?"
Para: "Not a god damn thing, bob! I have a better job lined up, so I'm just warming a chair and motivating the staff for two weeks"
My boss got to his door just as Bob looked like he was about to blow a gasket. The two go into his office and have a rather "spirited" conversation for a few minutes. Then "Bob" goes in one of the empty offices and closes the door.
My boss (Jim) calls me into his office and closes the door behind me.
Jim: "Para, do you plan to act this immature for the rest of your time here?"
Para: "Yeah, I can't see any reason to do any work"
Jim: "You realize that you will never get a good reference from me or the CEO"
Para: "I assumed as much, but the old CEO gave me a standing offer of a glowing reference and well Jim, you have been lying to head office and doctoring the books. I really don't want a cheat as a reference"
Jim turned several shades of pretty colors that I didn't think was possible by a homosapien and started to blurt that I don't understand how office finances work and then he stopped, composed himself and glared at me.
Jim: "Do you realize that I have the authority to pay out your 2 week notice and force you to leave the premises?"
I tried to look shocked and hurt.
Para: "Bullsh*t"
Jim's face lit up suddenly and he started to get excited.
Jim: "Oh yes, I can. I can just call up HR and you'd be forced to leave. Now are you going to going back to your desk and behave yourself for the rest of your time here?"
I appeared to think about it shortly.
Para: "Jim, you only have this job because you know Bob. You may have a title, but have no power. HR is always on the employee's side, they'll laugh in your face"
Shortly thereafter I was asked to leave the building and was sent a cheque for my remaining two weeks.
I took my ex-coworkers out to lunch.
That's the only bridge I've ever burnt. Two months later the CEO quit when it became apparent he was responsible for the anonymous HR complaints that got the previous CEO fired. Shortly after that, my old boss was fired, no doubt for misreporting sales figures.
Damn it felt good.
Emo:
Happy 666 brinjen!
Thanks I noticed it as soon as the page loaded, on top of that it was the 7/7/7 here when I started it
I did give him a two-fingered salute as I left too.
HA! Good for you!
Finally-Free:
Glad you were able to leave that place, one of the reasons I'm leaving my current job, my boss keeps changing my hours, she took nearly a whole week off me recently.
Para:
What can I say? You should write a movie script out of your experience. That was brilliant!
I don't get the whole "job" thing, so I can't relate to this topic.
I don't get the whole "job" thing, so I can't relate to this topic.
Any employment you've had, think 'OfficeSpace'
