Joshua and the white man...

by mrsjones5 9 Replies latest social family

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  mrsjones5

  Did ya like the title?

  On the 4th we went to my mil's house for he famous bbq. As I was in the kitchen making plates for the kids my mil tells me "Ain't nothing wrong with Joshua. Don't let the white man tell you there is." Then she went on to say that he will talk when he wants to and that he's not retarded. I said nothing. I've tried to explain to her that I started this process. I noticed that my baby wasn't developing like his brothers and sister and that he had sensory issues. I can't get through to her and at this point I refuse to try. But it just irks me that she believes that there is some devil white man out there looking to pigeonhole my baby with some marker and that I would allow something like that to happen. Sometimes I just get so tried of this "white man" shit. I keep telling myself that it's fear and history, but I can't and don't live like that. I go to a mostly white church, most of my good good friends are white, and I live in a mostly white neighborhood. I like where I am at. Am I making sense here?

  Josie
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  nvrgnbk

  You are making perfect sense Josie.

  But, as you are aware, it's complicated.

  Fear? That's the core of racism, white-black and black-white.

  I wish we were better off, but at least things are better than they were.

  Am I naive, or is the hate fading, albeit ever so slowly?
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  purplesofa

  hey Josie, wish we were neighbors!!!!!! purps
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  Mum

  Josie, that's too bad. It makes me sad that your child's grandmother must have had bad experiences, probably because of her race alone, and can't get past them.

  I am white. My good friend who is black, very bright with a college degree, had a high school counselor tell her back in the days that she should pursue a career as a cook - without taking any interest in her individual abilities or inclinations. She is so relaxed about it all. When she was in the military in Texas, she and friends went out to a restaurant, and her friends told the restaurant host that she was Mexican so she would not be refused service. She adapted and continues to do so, but not everyone is as relaxed and resilient as she is. With experiences such as those, I can understand why she might exhibit some paranoia, but she doesn't.

  It's good to know you are looking out for your son by looking at facts. We all have some kind of disability, but some are more apparent than others. I know what some of mine are, but discover (and acquire) new ones regularly.

  Regards,

  SandraC
• 

  snowbird

  Am I making sense here?

  Josie

  Yes, you are making sense. My daughter went to a high school for international studies. Most of her friends were white, Indian, Pakistani, Asian, et al. A lot of people on my street thought she was "acting white" because she made good grades, graduated #2 in her class, and just today received an e-mail that she's getting her IB Diploma!

  Even though we live in the Deep South, I refused to raise her to think that she had to restrict her friendship to black people only. It's high time we got beyond that mind-set. I see it on the job all the time, used to see it in the JW's, and it irritates the pish out of me. If anyone starts that junk around me, I tell them in no uncertain terms to get with the program.

  Snowbird
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  Confession

  Seems like a lesson for all of us, Josie. It's frustrating to think that our exception to her comment might be interpreted as "denying racism," which of course IS NOT true. ANYTHING can be taken to extremes, and if we associate ONLY with those of like mind, it's possible that we can start to think this way.

  Did I mention my new girlfriend is a Democrat--and I'm a Libertarian? LOL! It's good for both of us.
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  ex-nj-jw

  You make perfect sense!! When I look at people I don't see color, it's the other people that see color that bother me!!

  What's your baby's condition, if you don't mind me asking?

  nj
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  mrsjones5

  Thanks guys for reading and responding to my mini rant.

  Even though we live in the Deep South, I refused to raise her to think that she had to restrict her friendship to black people only. It's high time we got beyond that mind-set.

  There's other things too like where to live, even what kind of music to listen to. I've had black folks tease me about the kind of music I like (Modern Rock/Alternative) it's not black enough. While we were at my mil's house hubby was talking to his brother and I guess hubby told bil that we might go to a rock concert. Bil made some silly comment that if we did some white man might question what we were doing there. Hubby said we had gone to rock concerts before with no problems and bil started to backtrack by saying "I like rock music too."

  OK mini rant part 2 is over

  Josie
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  Warlock

  Sorry J,

  I'm too busy worrying about stepping on ants at work, lest I kill one of my bosses relatives. He believes in reincarnation.

  Warlock
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  mrsjones5

  Purps, I would love to be your neighbor

  Ex, he has autistic tendencies (we don't have an official diagnosis yet), sensory issues, and delayed speech