I think my mom has a non JW boyfriend

JWdaughter

My mom has been regularly mentioning a friend from work for a few years now. He is always giving her things, and when she has went on cruises, she (strangely) had his watch with her (said he wanted her to know what time it was back home or something). This guy is not a JW. He is a kenny rogers (the chubbier(not fat)bearded, pre-face lift one)look-alike. She has told me that he wants to go out with her and probably marry her. I am not sure if that is what he wants, but that is the context she is putting him into. She sees him everyday at work and has told me she thinks he is hot (in her own words that was the message).

The crux of it is, she has been really lonely since my dad (non JW) died. This guy is NOT a JW. He smokes and watches violent movies (which strangely bothers her much more than the smoking.) She has let me know she wishes she could just have him for a ****buddy or weekend husband (in her own words) but she wonders about his character because of the movies. . .she does not even mention his religious status, but I know that is likely a big issue. I am almost thinking now that she has started something sexual with him and is too ashamed or worried to tell us. I just want her to be happy. NOT guilt ridden by her normal desire for a mate. NOT guilt ridden that the one she likes is a non JW. I would like her to marry the guy and be happy. Or just sleep with him-whatever works. She isnt real active (gets her 2 hours a month in unless she is ill), seems to like the excuse to miss meetings. She has said she knows it isn't all true, but she thinks they are the ones that have the most truth. . .any suggestions on how to get her away from the WT grasp w/o shaking up her entire belief system? I don't agree with it, but I also think she could live with being a solitary :) I don't know how to get her from her knee jerk loyalty to the org to a simple faith in God that doesn't require her to proclaim the trinity or celebrate Xmas. Oh, and that wouldn't freak out her nice gentleman friend who seems to adore her.

My sis and I have been getting the same message from her lately and think she just needs the right nudge.

reneeisorym

Your mom and my mom could be best friends. I don't have advice because I'm in the same boat actually ...... Except for a few minor details, it sounds the same. (And my mom is getting divorced, not that my dad died)

sass_my_frass

any suggestions on how to get her away from the WT grasp w/o shaking up her entire belief system? I don't agree with it, but I also think she could live with being a solitary :) I don't know how to get her from her knee jerk loyalty to the org to a simple faith in God that doesn't require her to proclaim the trinity or celebrate Xmas. Oh, and that wouldn't freak out her nice gentleman friend who seems to adore her.

This is the harsh method: encourage this relationship, and it could get her disfellowshipped! It's what it took to get me out. It's a win-win-win.

Jim_TX

When I see something like this... I feel sorry for the fella.

She is 'leading him on'... he is thinking that she coming 'round - as their relationship develops.

The problem is - there will come a day - and it most likely will be after they get married - that she decides she needs to get back to the kingdum hall. She will also try to 'convert' this fella, too. He won't know what hit him.

Yup. I feel sorry for this fella.

Regards,

Jim TX

lisavegas420

Here's what I see are the big problems. She's talking about marriage with a man she knows from work and he smokes and watches violent movies. I met my husband at work...he smoked and watched westerns. Anyway.....he's a grown man, I didn't say too much about it, we lived together for 18 months. On his own, he decided to quit smoking and said he probably never would have if I'd been a smoker. He still watches westerns...I kinda like those now. We've been married 14years next month.

My suggestion is to encourage your mom to enjoy her life. She shouldn't feel rushed into doing anything...She shouldn't feel guilty for being and feeling like a woman. This is it. This is life..not a dress rehearsal.

lisa