I'm facing a new dilemma...

by Stash Daytripper 8 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Stash Daytripper

  I have been floating on these boards for close to a week now. Kudos to all you peeps who actively search out the real truth and make it apparent to EVERYONE. I posted my personal story earlier, hopefully those that read it will understand my dilemma now...

  Do I try to convert my brother out of the organization?
  Heh.. in chat when i asked this question.. I was compared to Tarqaemada. After asking who the hell Tarqaemada was.. I had to laugh. The Spanish inquisition was.. convert or be killed. mmmm actually JW's seem to be a little more up this alley. Convert or GOD will kill you.

  I have always been very content with my life as an exJW.. and actually somewhat proud of my brother for his extreme faith and commitment. Now things have changed.. I had my problems with the WTS and JW's.. actually I had problems with most world religions. There is not a religion out there that does not have hypocrisy, anti-semitism,changed doctrine, or even a very murderous and bloody history.

  To me, at first, this answer seemed a clear YES. GET him out now! Those lying hypocritical SOB's!
  But these are reasons why I hate the WTS, not my brother's.
  So my next thought was.. well, is this potentially threatening to his mental or physical well being?

  Reviewing the past has helped me.. but it still seems I am to ignorant of many facts before I decide to try and change my brothers life.

  A little background on my brother:

  If you read my story then you know my mother's history of abuse. She was a very neglecting mother and sadly my brother almost paid with his life.. more than once. Once she fed him powder milk in a drunken stupor..Dry milk contains a very large amount of potassium. In an infant it will cause a toxic reaction. He turned green ( yes he literally turned green) overnight and wasn't expected to live through the night. The second time, she decided to leave him alone, on a bed, on the top floor of an A-frame cabin.. next to an OPEN window, so she could head to a nearby party. Needless to say, he fell three stories. Again he wasn't expected to survive the night. But he did.

  The reason for the above long stories is.. my brother never fully recovered from those accidents. He has always had learning disabilities and his eyes do not function properly. But mostly, the trauma left him emotionally scared. He rarely had a shred of confidence growing up and was teased and beat in school constantly. He never had a chance to make very many friends.

  When he was around 15 he started to become very active at the KH's. He started to make friends within the congregation. He started to grow confidence of which I had never seen in him before. I saw a happiness in my brother i was actually jealous of.

  He has been living at Bethel for 7 years now. In that time he has learned skills we, outside of the WTS, would have to pay thousands of dollars for. He's in the best physical shape I have ever seen him in. He LOVES what he does. How many of us can truly say that?

  What harm has the WTS actually done?

  To return to an ealrier question: Is this potentially threatening to his mental or physical well being?

  Mentally.. he is happier than he has ever been. He has confidence in himself and pride in what he does.

  The only true concern i have is their blood policy. Doing construction he is at a higher risk of injury. Will I get a call telling me my brother is dead because he "served Jehovah" and obeyed "his wishes"?
  Circumstantial and rhetorical, I understand, but it is a concern.

  I can gather all this info.. I can put together the best portfolio of facts and figures to show him.. but what will it do to him?
  I could actually do more harm than good. I could potentially shatter a world he has known and trusted and loved for over 15 years.

  So.. if you could.. please fill me in on any other potential dangers to him. If not, then I'm not sure I should show him any of this at all.

  Thanks again all and sorry for such a long winded post..

  Peace,
  Stash
• 

  Francois

  Sounds to me like the JWs are doing your brother lots more good than they are doing him harm. Someone said to me once that unless you are ready to replace being a JW with something better, then it is actually irresponsible and unloving just to get someone out and leave 'em just standing there looking around.

  I have a friend who was an elder in the congretation I was in when I decided to cut the cord. He was actually ahead of me in that department, but was keeping it quiet. Since he left the JWs, he has become a full-blown alcoholic, divorced, has 3 DUIs - the last of which cost him six months in jail and three years without a license, etc., etc. The witnesees gave him structure and direction and goals. With these gone, his life was, well, pretty wind-tossed. He was a better person as a JW. Hard to have to admit, but true.

  I've heard it said that you can't take something OUT of someone else's heart; you can put truth IN and let it crowd out the error over time. Given your story of your brother's success in the JWs I think that's the only approach that stands a snowball's chance of affecting any changes.

  I hope this perspective has helped you reach a conclusion about what to do.

  Francois
• 

  outnfree

  I, too, have given this topic quite a bit of thought.

  There is a young woman who had recently begun associating with my congregation shortly before I made my way out. She is a nice, but very needy person. She has learning disabilities that have restricted her ability to make a living. She has few social skills.
  She was thrilled to have finally learned 'the truth' and was enthusiastically pursuing baptism at a time when I was beginning to question everything. We had a connection through her mother, whom I knew in her professional capacity, but I was sworn to secrecy about knowing her daughter and the extent of her involvement with the Witnesses. The young woman also had health problems.

  When I left, I was tempted to let this Witness-in-the-making know what I had discovered. I certainly wanted my other good friends out (not having any family in the Borg). And yet, I decided to let her alone.

  I decided precisely because I thought that the association with Jehovah's Witnesses was something that was GOOD for her. She needed the structure, the purpose and the sense of belonging in her life. They were things she had no where else. Not even back at home, where tension between her mother and her had existed for years and years. Daddy subsidizes finances and helps her with balancing her checkbook and home maintenance. Among the Witnesses she was accepted, she had a social life (previously non-existant), and a sense of her own goodness. I did not want to take all that away from her.

  I didn't want to take it away, because they were things she needed. But also, selfishly, because I was not prepared to fill the gap in her life that the loss of association with the 'friends' would mean for her. Frankly, I didn't like her enough to make the time.

  Some people ARE better off in a high-control group. They need a lot of direction and are happier not to think too much for themselves.
  They also have a need to feel 'special'. For this young woman, association with Jehovah's Witnesses filled a great need in her. So I let it be.

  outnfree

  Par dessus toutes choses, soyez bons. La bonte est ce qui ressemble le plus a Dieu et ce qui desarme le plus les hommes -- Lacordaire
• 

  Sirona

  Hi

  My ex-husband is my ex because he couldnt handle leaving JWs. He'd had a bad life, and JWs was all he knew. When I left and discovered the reality of JWs, I told him. He couldnt handle it.

  This has led to lots of heartache and pain. Personally, Im glad I left, but I have been astounded to see the massive impact it had on his life.

  If he is happy, I'd leave it. He would find it difficult to work in a worldly environment, and as you say, JWs have given him confidence.

  Sirona
• 

  Hmmm

  Stash,

  I am undergoing a very similar dilemma. I wish I had answers for you, but right now I'm just as clueless. Is the pseudo-happiness of not knowing any better worth the risk of the dangerous and life-threatening doctrinal errors of the group?

  I face a situation that is pretty similar to yours (which is unique enough that I'm not ready to discuss publically for fear of exposure). I'd appreciate it if you'd keep me posted on your thought process during this decision, and what you decide to do eventually. I'm sure everyone would like to know--from the sounds of it, there are quite a few here with similar circumstances.

  Hmmm
• 

  Lollylou

  Hi,
  I would like to share a thought I had with you during the period of time I was torn between going and staying.

  In Matthew chapter 7, JW's teach that the narrow and cramped road leading to life is the "truth" as they know it. You get on the road to life by studying with them and continue on by remaining in the "truth".

  Since leaving the WTBTS I have been to other churches and I have studied just the Bible and found out there is alot of good out there besides JW's.

  Bottom line I think is that "The narrrow and cramped road" Jesus spoke of isn't one certain religion, but a way of life. Each of us needs to decide what makes us the best person we can be. Different people use different vehicles to stay on the "road". For some it may be attending the Baptist church, for another it might be the Catholic church or Christian Church or so on...or maybe for some it is being a Jehovah's Witness.

  Just a thought. Lollylou
• 

  TR

  This IS a dilemma.

  If a person has some strong interests outside of the borg they might have a better chance of making it. My brother, for instance, who is still a JW, has interests outside of the borg. He's a miner, so he misses a lot of meetings anyway. He loves motorcycles, like I do. He just finished building a custom Harley from ground up. The problem is, his wife and her whole family were raised as JW's. I know my bro could make it outside of the borg with his talents, but would it destroy his family?

  My brother is already not talking to me because I sent an email to him about the 1-1-89 WT article about the preaching work ending in the 20th century. He didn't believe it because the bound volumn on cd showed the article revised to say 'in our day' instead of '20th century.' He angrily told me that I didn't know what I was talking about. I then sent him a scanned copy of the original WT article. That was last April, and he has yet to respond. So, I decided to let it go for now, and not send him any more dirt on the WTS.

  What to do.

  TR

  The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
  —Edmund Burke
• 

  hillary_step

  Hello,

  This is an important post that deserves careful analysis.

  It is owing to the many experiences that I have seen of XJW's lives falling apart after their exit from the WTS that I believe that reform rather than destruction of the WTS is a healthier goal.

  Many XJW's when asked by an emerging JW 'What do I do now?', answer by saying 'Why should you need to do anything' - get out and live. This ignores the fact that to exit from a such a tight support system offered by the WTS into a vacuum, can actually be a very dangerous journey, a journey that needs careful planning

  Most JW's, especially those raised as such, have lives that are interwoven with WTS theology and often lack the life-skills necessary to survive intact without the shadow of the WTS looming over their lives.

  To illustrate. I have in recent times been talking to a CO who now has severe doubts about the veracity of the Organization that he works for. All his family from wife to many uncles are WTS adherents. He admitted that he cannot live without them and as such is staying within the WTS despite knowledge of its failures. I know him very well, he functions admirably within the confines of a religious system but would collapse without one.

  My advise to him and others in similar position is to prepare a life for yourself, secretly if necessary before you leave the WTS. Plan well and much pain can be avoided.

  As to the good that the WTS achieves, well of course it does. All religions have good and bad aspects but ask yourself; if a medicine worked for 20% of people but had harmful side effects for the remaining 80% would it get FDA approval?

  Best regards - HS
• 

  Stash Daytripper

  Thanks for the replies.

  At this moment I'm inclined to not say anything. Perhaps, if i do anything I'll show him the AJWRB website and doctrines. The blood issue, at the moment is the only thing I can see that would be potentially life threatening for him. At least these are current JW's that wish for reform. He might be more inclined to listen to them.

  I very much liked the opininon that reform is better than a collapse.
  If anyone has evere seen the movie "The Matrix", it actually reminds me alot of this situation. I could give him a proverbial pill and his eyes would open to a dark, desolate, ugly world.

  Although I do see JW's as a cult religion.. I see catholithism and many other religions in almost the same manner.
  But I see no signs of say.. Branch davidians or Heaven's Gate way of thinking.
  If and when I do see a similarity to the latter then yes, I will be quick to try my best to talk him out of it.

  /shrug.. I'm leaning more towards keeping my mouth shut at this point. I enjoy his visits and hope they continue.

  Perhaps instead.. I'll just send him a christmas gift ;) hehe

  Peace,
  Stash