young and in need of assistance

greem19

okay, so I just turned 18 last June. my family is JW and I grew up in the religion also. I'm not baptized, and I do study once in a while. I'm dating a guy who is not JW and I really want this relationship to go far. I don't know how to come to my parents with this. they're very strict, as are all JW parents. but since I am 18, I think I deserve to have some control in my life. things are very hard in my relationship. we've been together for almost 9 months and I want it to continue. but I have a feeling that if I keep us a secret any longer, we won't last. should I let go of him? or should I come to my parents? and if I do tell my parents, what am I supposed to say? I'm scared, and I think about this day and night. please help.

mrsjones5

Do you live at home? If so, say nothing until you can collect the resources (money) to move out. Jw parents don't like to hear that their children want to date worldly people whether the children are baptised or not - said from my own personal experience.

Also you should give your friend the downlow on what will happen if you tell your parents that you're dating a "worldly" and why may not be such a good time to tell them. Might take a bit of pressure off your relationship.

Josie

Junction-Guy

My piece of advice is this---If you arent sure about the JW religion, then I wouldnt jump any further in your relationship. If you realize that the JW religion is a croc of poop, then since you are not baptized yet, you will have it much easier explaining it to your parents.

theinfamousone

my advice, tell them... just come out and tell them... they will eventually find out... and im pretty damn sure they have their suspicions already.. tell them, see what their reaction is... dont think you cant make it on your own, because you can... if you plan on staying a dub, well best of luck to you... but i know thats not your intention in life... so tell them... givethem that respect.. theylll bitch and yell till theyre done.... but at least youll know where you stand

the infamous one

mouthy

I would tell them.if it is serious.but what ever you do dont get pregnant...Explain to your boyfriend you may get kicked out of the home.....Make sure he is worth losing your family for....Because I am sure they will object loudly

They will not accept what you are doing,Thank God your not baptised that is a blessing, but you could still be shunned ---That is the way the teach LOVE!!!!!

why???

Hi...I know how you feel not to long ago i told my parents about my wordly boyfriend and received PURE HELL from them..threats, guilt trips, ultimatum of getting kicked out or never speak to him again. It was rough..my b/f knew all about it from the very begining so he was understanding at that point we were together for a year and a half. Telling my parents really messed up my relationship with him and them...so i decieded to lay low and save money and move out...... Thats what i would suggest...TALK TO HIM about everything!!!! TAlk about your furture and dont jump into anything untill your comfortable with all the answers. Your parents are not going to be happy trust me....but your not babtized so the elders cant touch you (lucky dog lol) Since you just turned 18 your legal but i dont know if you save any money enough to be independent from your parents...if not i wouldnt tell them anything it just causes a mess for no reason..talk to him if he loves you he will understand for the time being untill your ready....save money, move out.. do your thing and live life. Let us know what you decide to do.....lata

JWdaughter

I would suggest that you separate your feelings about the religion from your feelings about the boyfriend. If you didn't have him, would it change how you feel about being a JW? If you could have your pick of anyone in the 'world', is he the one you would pick? If your parents kick you out because of leaving the JWs, is that going to force you to take action about the young man?

I really suggest you decide for yourself what you want out of YOUR life spiritually (at least so far as JW or NOT JW) before you make any big declarations about boyfriend. Then figure out your life from there after your parents react to THAT. If they accept the not being a JW thing ok, I doubt the boyfriend will be as much of an issue.If the first thing they hear is you have a BF, not a JW AND you don't want to be a JW (at the same sitting), the HE will be inextricably tied to your leaving in their eyes, whether or not that is the case. Good luck and happiness you you.

Oh, and WELCOME to the board. We are glad you came to join us!

jgnat

but since I am 18, I think I deserve to have some control in my life.

Are you still a dependent, living at home? Then you are not really in control. Your parents can yank your priveleges at any time. To have true control and independence requires independence. That means your own job, your own bank account, and your own place to stay.

things are very hard in my relationship. we've been together for almost 9 months and I want it to continue.

Have you had a discussion on what the consequences might be if you were open about your relationship? He deserves to know how strict the religion is. You haven't said if you want to remain a Witness or not. If you haven't sorted that out, you could be leading your boyfriend down the garden path.

but I have a feeling that if I keep us a secret any longer, we won't last.

True, true. As long as you are under your parent's roof.

should I let go of him?

No-one should tell you what to do. There are consequences to both choices; coming clean or leaving him. Only you can decide what consequences you are willing to live with.

and if I do tell my parents, what am I supposed to say?

Independent young women figure out what they want to say. If it helps, write out a few ideas first. Imagine your parent's reaction. You might try out a hypothetical third person out on them first. As in, "I know a sister in another congregation, same age as me and...."

young and in need of assistance

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