Meaning - coping

by msil 7 Replies latest watchtower medical

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  msil

  Pick up the newspaper.

  Go to the obituary section. Follow the steps below.

  Step 1 OK - look at just the names (don't read the words) - just the names. OK - you see before you dead people. No big deal.

  Step 2 Now read some of the words under each name...words of love and words of loss. Feels worse right?

  Step 3 Ever had one of your loved ones die? That feels just horrible doesn't it?

  What is the difference between steps 1, 2 and 3? In all of the steps there is only one variable. That variable is one of "meaning". As the concept (in this case I used the death of people to illustrate the concept) has greater degrees of meaning attached so it becomes a greater emotional event for us and it eventually becomes our reality.

  The question becomes therefore, one which some forms of therapy try to address using different methods, how does one allocate the right degree of meaning to a particular event? Attaching meaning to events is the source of emotion. From there we can conclude that our emotions can be controlled by the amount of meaning we attach to events and people with whom we have experience.

  What methods do you use to establish meaning? Do you use a method? Or does it "just happen" for you? Do you use any methods to change the maount of meaning you are willing to give to any event or relationship? Is it healthy to do so?

  I have so much more on this but I don't even know if anyone will read it...it probably "means nothing" to others.
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  msil

  Metal slides....they can get really hot in the sun...I remember them as a kid.
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  bitter mango

  msil, may i have your email? ... or you can email me at [email protected] ... i'd like to talk to you please.

  mango

  ~smiling in a ruined age~
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  msil

  The past few days have been tough.....

  I have not been able to "bring down the meaning" I associate with some events lately. Some of them have been very intense....but I try hard not to close up - I always tell everyone to lean on me even though I am probably much softer inside than most.

  When you love someone you allow yourself to get hurt. Someone I love very dearly has been hurting and I have not figured out how to desensitize myself when people I love are hurting - because I don't want to. That person's pain is really bad right now and I only hope I am strong enough to be totally supporting of whatever happens. My love is not something I can "turn down" for the person - even though it might hurt me in the end. But I will be there regardless!!
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  bitter mango

  good for you msil! you are a true friend!

  thanks for the email!

  *hug* and i hope things improve for you and yours msil!

  peace, mango

  ~smiling in a ruined age~
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  msil

  Thanks for caring Mango.

  I appreciate your kindness...it means a lot.

  Sincerely,
  MSIL
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  Introspection

  Msil,

  I am with you on not desensitizing yourself, I think that being a typical "tough guy" who isn't sensitive to the hurt of others may very well mean the person can't handle these emotions.

  Of course, there's no question that certain events will produce stronger emotions. I would point out a couple of things: First of all, I always ask when I feel something whether that's me or them. I may feel bad, and that may show that I care, but if it is really me then the only thing it accurately reflects is how I feel, not an indication of where they are at. In contrast, if I am really there and listening to the person, there is a sort of emptiness on my part and I just take in what they might be sharing, I may still feel strong emotions but it is based more on them than on me or processing that goes on in my head. I try to do that more, because after all it isn't about me.

  The other thing is that even though you may feel strong emotions, if it accurately reflects the event(s) (which could be ongoing) then it should correspond with what's happening at that point in time and location. Of course, you don't stop caring just because you are not in your friends presence at the moment, but things do naturally have their ups and downs, and it could very well be a rather extended period of down. What I'm trying to say is we may also hang on to the intensity of a previous moment in time rather than sense what is going on now, which may only make us feel bad. I think that in order to help, it is always a good idea to try to sense what's going on now. I think that taken together with a sort of deep listening where the other person can really pour their heart out would give us a better idea of just what it all means and how it relates to things.
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  msil

  Intro,

  Thanks for the response. You make some very valid points. Showing emotion appropriate to a situation is key. The question comes down to "what is appropriate"? It is for this reason that one needs to learn to attach the right level/degree of meaning one has to any event.

  There are sometimes some exceptions though. Anyone who has been traumatized might learn to attach less meaning simply as a protection mechanism. It is common for people in siutations with PTSD to almost appear delusionary to reality.....while unhealthy and definitely scary...the only way to help such ones is to use mental imagery and associative pegging to areas where the meaning the person attaches is known. It's kind of like building synapses.....if that helps to explain it....we keep helping them to make new associations based on known ones....and we help them to attach meaning to the intermediary ones until we reach the desired outcome along the spectrum of the full event.

  Yeah.....I am mumbo jumbo.....but as someone who never finished high school I have had to be self-educating and never stop reading so as to understand the world around me and to understand myself.

  Using self-speak (since we all speak to oursleves internall - that is how we attach meaning to any invent though) one can actually talk oneself up or down by changing meaning. The more of the 5 senses you use to do such a thing the better you are able to shift states. Everyone does this to various degrees and to totally honest some people who understand this science are capable of using it on others and they can be very helpful to others whoi struggle with inner demons or they can be destructive.

  When such ones use this tool (by the way it is called Neuro Linguistic Programming - as is obviously evident from the name) they can help you reach balance (yeah I know it sounds fake - but its not....our reality is based on the state we are in - change that state .......by means of the associative meaning....and our reality can be changed.....perception and reality are truly the same thing in this respect.)

  I regret to say I urge extreme caution in this, some people who have tried this themselves end up "totally messed up". Also some professional practioners have their own distorted views of where the balance should be or they have their own agenda. Those with their own agenda, in my opinion, are dangerous. Without wanting to sound like some of the other demon-obsessed people I have seen here lately I define these people as "totally evil". Some of them I have found in the organization (amateur) and there are some on the board (amateur and professional) who will use this powerful tool to the detriment of others.

  HOC ETIAM TRANSIBIT

  Sincerely,
  MSIL