The Funeral Part 2
The day of the funeral I actually enjoyed putting on my suit. I had bought it about a year ago along with a couple more for business meetings. It’s strange how much better these look than the ones I would have picked out as a dub. Of course, before I was a concrete truck driver…with 5 suits which together still cost less than any one of these. But anyway I knew that if the wake had one Witness there, the funeral would have 20. It felt good to walk in not looking like hell, like being “in the world” had been bad for me.
At the funeral home I met with my brother that was to speak, and the elder uncle. The idea was that he would get up after the song was played, say a few words, quote some generic scriptures that the 85% worldly audience would appreciate, and run down the survivors, and off we go. In the event my brother got choked up, I was to step in and finish the eulogy.
Back out into the chapel area, I walked around and hugged and cried and greeted folks. My family that is still in was surprisingly non-judgmental and seemed ok. I saw a lot of people I have missed a great deal, so that part was nice. Later on I saw a girl that had been my brother’s girlfriend for some time. They had broken it off, or she did because of his drug problems. She is with someone else and pregnant now, but of everyone except his mother, she was the most hysterical. She couldn’t stop crying, so hard she was heaving. My cousin (dub) was sitting behind her and looking at her like she was a freak or something with so much prejudice in her eyes. I walked back up through everyone and up behind her, in front of my cousin, and wrapped my arms around her from behind. She hung on to me so tight my hands went numb. After a few minutes she settled down and I stood up to walk away and felt it, the look of judgment they give. I was a horrible person because I made the effort to comfort a worldy person who was sobbing about the death of one of our family members. What a piece of crap I am. More of my family was there at this point, they came in, said hello only to the Witnesses there and gave the obligatory drum tight smiles to the worldly people…some of whom are family.
One thing that will take another subject entirely is that my most dear friend, the one for whom I used the name Wanderlustguy, came and sat with me at my request. We have been friends for over 18 years, and hadn’t spoken for over 4. Seeing her again instantly made the world slide away and it was all ok. Not that I forgot where I was, but she has always made me feel like nothing can touch me and this was no different. I asked her to sit with the family, because that is what she will always be to me. She sat with my brother’s wife while we went in the back to get ready for the service.
I had to go in the back to be ready in case I had to finish the eulogy. Everything seemed ok. My brother got up and walked out to give the eulogy. He couldn’t keep the emotion in completely, the first sentence came out like the coarsest of sandpaper was in his mouth. He choked his way through it and I started crying again, fighting to keep it in check just in case. He gave the eulogy exactly as intended and it was a beautiful thing. The best talk I had ever heard.
Then we played “Simple Man” and everyone just broke down. For the first time I saw my father, the meanest and cruelest bastard I ever knew break down and cry like a little girl. He kept saying how he loves his boys and he wished he could have saved him. It changed how I see him now, maybe forever.
Then my uncle got up to do his part. The first scripture was the generic “better to go to the house of mourning”, which seemed ok, But then the second scripture was along the same outline, then the third. All the sudden there it was, the full Jehovah’s Witness we’re gonna tell you how it is whether you like it or not funeral talk. His mother is NOT a dub and neither is her side of the family. She was getting madder and madder. On we went into the spiral of the Dub talk about the promise for the new world and how to get it and most of all GOD’S NAME which YOU all have to KNOW because WE KNOW YOU AINT NEVER HEARD THIS SHIT BEFORE, HIS NAME IS JEHOVAH AND WE’RE HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT. This went 30 minutes. About 5 before it was over, you could see the resentment in non witness attendees’ faces. My brother’s mother turned to me and said “you have got to get him to shut the f*ck up”.
Finally, mercifully it was over. My friend had this look of shock on her face. She had heard this talk so many times, but a couple of days before we had started talking about the truth about the truth (YEA!!!!) and now it was different. She could see how the talk had come across as arrogant and was completely out of place. If anything, everyone there was further from wanting to know more than they would ever be.
I felt like I had failed and was angry, but not for long. Mu Uncle had tears in his eyes and said “nothing good can be said about something like this, but at lease maybe I was able to give someone the Truth.” He had only done what he thought was good and really believed he helped someone.
I couldn’t stay mad, and at that moment I decided that I might not ever really tell him what I know now because I don’t know if it would be right to take The Truth away from him now that he has so much in it.
Besides…the day and the drama was just getting started…