Bad Dream

by PoppyR 8 Replies latest jw experiences

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  PoppyR

  4am in the UK, and I was jolted awake by a dream about my mother dying, she is not in good health. I felt overwhelmingly sad that if this happens, she will die in sadness over me. And also very upset because she is my mum and I want her to love me and be interested in my life and that just isn't the case any longer.

  I realise I am 'luckier' than some on here because at least she speaks to me. But my whole family, (mother, two brothers, one sister) are JWs and all of my life long friends and it's lonely on the outside. I am feeling sorry for myself over friends whose parents and siblings are 'normal'!

  Anyway, no doubt, when I eventually get back to sleep, I'll wake up on the other side of the bed and things will look brighter.

  This religion is truly fucked up, and I long for just one of them to see it.

  Poppy
• 

  LearningToFly

  (((poppy))) Sorry you have such nightmares.. Im prone to them myself! Although not as bad as it used to be..

  You can't change them.. nor who you are.. and you can't feel guilty for living your life the way you believe you should.

  I wish peacefull sleeps for you..

  LTF
• 

  unique1

  Aww Poppy. Nightmares like that are just evil. It makes you experience the loss that hasn't actually happened yet, and can scare you to death. I hope you were able to get some rest after that. I have discovered tylenol PM can work wonders for sleep as can a glass of wine.

  (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) to you. You are not alone!!!
• 

  reneef

  (((poppy)))

  You can't change them. You can only live your life and do what YOU want. It is on them, it is what they choose.
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  ex-nj-jw

  ((((((((((((((((poppyr)))))))))))))

  They want you to feel lonely that's their plan. Make some new friends, make a life for yourself and don't allow them to make you feel the way they want you to feel. Some of us have even had to make new families for ourselves.

  I hope your mom gets better and more importantly I hope you can have some type of relationship with her. From personal experience with a JW mom, if you don't get your hopes up you won't fall so hard.

  I hope you woke up this morning feeling better

  nj
• 

  Sassy

  some may have it worse then you do.. but there is nothing wrong with feeling bad for your own situation. you do not have the relationship we naturally should have.. and your dreams tap into that...
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  Hermano

  (((poppy)))
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  freeme

  (((((PoppyR)))))

  Oh, poppy, i can feel you so much. im not out yet, but sometimes i go crazy fearing exactly the situation you experience. i think my mum will speak to me still, but i cant see her in pain about me either. it destroys me. my lifelong friends, my everything including my wife is in it.

  its incredible difficult but i know i cant live in this lie forever either.

  stay strong!

  dont forget: there are thousands who feel the same as you in the very second. youre not alone.
• 

  FreeGirl2006

  Poppy--I feel your pain. Last year when I was booted, I lost all my sibs except one, all my lifelong friends and I left hubby. It was lonely at first, but I very determinedly went out and made a new life for myself. You have a huge support system here so you are not alone!
  
  *hugs*