Adjusting to the Non JW life

SillyGirl

I've been "out" for almost 2 years now. I still haven't fully adjusted. What do you guys do about holidays?

My husband (been married 2 mo) likes to celebrate them, it takes him back to his happy childhood years. It's not a question of "Is Xmas really Christ's Bday?" I tend to see that as more of just family traditions. But he wants to put up decorations, tree etc. I don't want to offend my family (Still JWs) who have been very loyal and are still close to me. From what Ive read, that isn't all that common when you are DFed.

What do y'all do?
I posted a similar question on another topic... Did any of you have dreams after you left? I frequently dream things along the lines of meeting up with people from my JW past and either being outed as DFed at a JW event or defending my position.

Xena

Hi Sillygirl,

We celebrate holidays but like you we have some JW family we don't want to totally offend so we keep it simple...we had a small tree last Christmas and kept it in the office until Christmas Eve then took it downstairs...didn't decorate the house...

This Halloween we carved a pumpkin but have it out in the back yard. My daughter is going to dress up and trick or treat, we just don't advertise it to the JW relatives...

This is our way of dealing with the situation, works for us so far. I think the longer we are out the more we will openly celebrate. I think/hope they will slowly become acustomed to it...

And I don't personally have any JW dreams

not interested

Hey Silly girl,
Like you i have been out for 2 years, and still am trying to adjust to it, I havent gotten into the holidays though, except for birthdays, It was nice when a friend rembered mine and threw a little party for me that was the first time i ever had a b-day party.
I thik its nice that your family hasent disowned you, mine treats me like i have the plague.
take care,
Not interested

Prisca

I occasionally have dreams where I'm at a meeting or assembly, or even out witnessing. However, I know that this isn't the "truth", (in the dream) and I am mentally trying to figure out how to get away from the meeting or witnessing. The whole time I am in that dream, I am thinking "this isn't right, this isn't the truth".

It's possible that I am just re-evaluating what it was like in the final stages of my being involved as a JW. For a whole year I knew that the Society was wrong, but I tried to give it one last go before I left for good. It was so hard to have to acknowledge that this wasn't the "truth" after being raised as a JW all my life.

Now I savour the freedom I have. I am glad that I discovered that it wasn't the "truth" at a time that I am still young enough to start a new life.

Introspection

Hi SillyGirl,

I read this in the Yahoo JW singles club thread:

Do any of you have dreams? 3-5 times a week I have a dream about being DFed. I go to a Circuit assembly and then get discovered. Or I meet up with people I used to know and have to tell them Im happy as is. I wonder is it God talking to me or was I just completely brainwashed...

First of all, most people dream all the time - a lot of us just don't remember them. It seems to me that basically your concern is other people. I've been out for about 3 years now, and from what I've seen it is probably a very unique situation in that I have very little ties to the organization in terms of personal relationships. In fact, for all intents and purposes I was isolated from people in general for a while, and since my thinking was still influenced by the JW teachings I was pretty depressed for a while. I don't usually say this because I doubt most people would believe me, but all of that seems like ancient history now. So in a way I think I was blessed to not have friends who kept on me about going back and such, because even though I didn't have much in the way of encouragement I was able to really sort out everything. When I dream these days, it's just about typical stuff most people dream of. I think about the only thing that I've dreamed relevant to JWs is about the posts on this board, and that only means I have no life. But I'll tell you what, I'd choose being completely free of that thinking pattern over having a life that is still haunted by the witness mind any day.

"I'm too sexy for this cult." -Right Said Fred on restrictive religious groups

Thomas Poole

So, you're out of the WT, and now
you cannot think of your own.

I guess you're a sitting duck.

So, where do you go now. No where, you just grow up.

aluminutty

Silly Girl:
My 2 cents. And please only give my words 2 cents since my experiences aren't yours. I, like your husband, am not a JW. However, my wife is, or rather, like you was a Witness until a few years back. Last yeear, we celebrated the Holidays, just didn't share this fact with her family/friends whom are still verry active witnesses. It was easy. Don't ask, don't tell. We had about 80 or so miles between us and her JW fam, though, and distance contributed to this ease.

Now, meaning this year, the entire situation is different. My wife and I have a six-month-old (he will be eight months old at Christmas) little boy. It may be OK for us as adults to face being a bit disenjenuous, but she and I have decided not to burden our boy with disception. Also, as of a few weeks ago, her fam knows her stand on the UN WBTS scandle, and has suffered no ill effects. As a result, we are openly celebrating this year. We will be errecting a Christmas tree, sending out Christmas cards, giving gifts, watching Christmas movies as a family, the works. We won't however bash her fam with our celebration. For example, they will know about our festivities, but will not be burdened with gifts (no pun intended).

BTW, as an asside. I have aalways loved the holidays. I have to say, though, that once my wife started celebrating, she is in to it more than even I am. She is already making christmas creations and humming christmas tunes and its not yet November. .<grin>

On a personal level, I incourage you to experience all the joy the holidays can bring. If you are with someone you love, you have nothing but fun waiting arround the corner. Ho Ho Ho!!!

hungry4life

Those are tough decisions you are facing. I will share my experience and philosophy and I hope it might help. If nothing else in knowing that you are not alone. When I left my girls were young (10 months and 5 years). At that time I was not convinced that what JW's taught was not the truth ( alopt has changed in 3 years)But it felt so wrong that I could not go on. Not long after I stopped attending the holiday issue came up and was an especially pressing issue because my oldest daughter was starting school. I thought back to my experiences through the years and came to the conclusion that the people I had seen most hurt within the ortganization were the ones that had been barely hanging on (and their children). You know the ones that came to 1 or 2 meetings a month and never met for service but still refused to let their kids celebrate holidays. The ones who showed up only for the memorial and other "special" visits and had few friends but yet would not allow their kids to have "worldly
association". I decided then and there that I would not sit on the fence (pardon the expression) or Wallow in my own confusion and drag my children into this sink hole with me. I began to celebrate holidays. It was tough at first I had to fight back guilt and uncertainty at times. but I kept in mind that the half way out people who allowed the guilt to control their lives suffered the most. I could not do that to my family. Though celebrations were something that I had to get used to at first,when I saw how happy and emotionally healthy my kids were I knew that I had made the right choice.With time I have come to realize how ridiculous the anti-birthday and holiday teachings were. I am glad that for the most part I don't have to unteach these to my children the vicious cycle is broken. We have beautiful pictures and wonderful memories instead of guilt and paranoia.

Adjusting to the Non JW life

Share this